Meet the Parents Page #6

Synopsis: A Jewish male nurse plans to ask his live-in girl friend to marry him. However, he learns that her strict father expects to be asked for his daughter's hand before she can accept. Thus begins the visit from Hell as the two travel to meet Mom and Dad, who turns out to be former CIA with a lie detector in the basement. Coincidentally, a sister also has announced her wedding to a young doctor. Of course everything that can go wrong, does, including the disappearance of Dad's beloved Himalayan cat, Jinxie.
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Jay Roach
Production: Universal Pictures
  Nominated for 1 Oscar. Another 7 wins & 14 nominations.
 
IMDB:
7.0
Metacritic:
73
Rotten Tomatoes:
84%
PG-13
Year:
2000
108 min
$164,454,835
Website
3,643 Views


Yes. Later, they'll collect

rainfall and make a tiny birdbath.

That's great.

lt's beautiful. What is it?

lt's an altar.

Or you might call it a chuppah?

lsn't that sweet? Wow.

l'll take it to the Byrnes'

and tomorrow Robert and Deborah

will meet beneath it

to become man and wife.

And later, when they purchase a home,

maybe it'll grace their garden.

Well, that's my...

sappy, romantic idea.

lt must have taken forever to build.

Not too bad.

About 70 hours, which isn't bad,

considering l carved it by hand

from one piece of wood.

(Jack) 'Hey, Kevo! 12:15.

Time to start the barbecue.'

OK, Mr B.

l better get back to playing host.

You guys grab your suits

and l'll meet you at the pool.

l'm gonna pass on the swimming.

You can't!

l don't even have a suit.

(Jack) 'Pamcake,

Pop's got your suit out here.'

- Coming, Dad.

- You gotta get going.

Gosh, she's great. Congratulations.

Thank you. And by the way, she had

the nicest things to say about you.

Really?

- Yeah.

- Hm.

Gosh, yeah,

we had some good times together.

Whoo, she is a tomcat!

Whew! So, let me hook you up

with some trunks, Gregor.

- l'm not gonna swim...

- l'm not taking no for an answer.

(Kevin ) Cold buffet's on the left,

wine and champagne on the right.

Yeah, that'd be grea...

Hey, there he is! Get out here.

(Wolf whistle )

G-man, we got salmon,

we got swordfish. What'll it be?

Uh...how about a little of both...

K-dog... l'm pretty hungry.

l think they call that the munchies.

(Bob ) Let's go.

Come on, Kev. Serve it up!

Damn!

Come on, team. He's got nothing!

Service!

- Nice serve, pal.

- All right!

Whoa, yes!

Get it!

Come on!

- Nice shot, Maverick!

- Sweet setup, lceman!

(Larry ) Nice one, Nurse!

- Glen, don't be afraid of the ball.

- lt's Greg.

Huddle up, team.

Not Glen. Greg is afraid of the ball.

This is unacceptable!

Here's what we gotta do.

- (Kevin ) Let's go!

- We're getting creamed.

lf Florence Nightingale

played some defence...

- Larry, l missed one shot.

- lt was a big shot!

Larry, keep floating. Denny, go deep.

Greg, nobody's

expecting much from you

so if l set you up can you spike it?

Yeah, l'd have to be pretty high.

- l bet you would, Panama Red.

- (Larry sniggers )

- All right, look sharp.

- Let's play ball!

Come on!

Let's go! Come on!

You got to spike those, Focker!

You got to spike.

Look how Bob did it.

Thanks.

Fire it up, Focker!

- Let's do it! Good shot!

- Way to go, Deb!

Greg!

(Roaring in slow motion )

- What's the matter with you?

- lt's only a game!

(Debbie wailing)

My eye! Oh, my eye!

- (Jack) Pam, help your sister.

- l'm sorry, Deb.

You can see "Voight"

backwards on your forehead.

Denny!

You the bandleader?

Go over song selection with Bob. Bob!

- Are you a Mr Focker?

- Yes.

- OK, sign here, please.

- Thank you.

Hey, your suitcase.

You made sure it's all there?

Yeah, it's fine. What's up?

Just want to make sure you're OK

since hitting that spike.

- l'm really sorry about that.

- That's OK.

l don't know what

got into me, lceman.

- lceman?

- Sorry, is it special for you two?

- No, Greg. Stop it.

- Stop what, lceman?

Top Gun was a very popular movie

when we dated. That's it.

Hey, lceman,

l have no problem with that.

Do you wanna be Maverick?

ls that what this is about?

l can't be, Kevin's Maverick.

No, he used to be,

but we can change that.

Can he be Goose?

No, because Goose dies in the end.

lt's very sad.

- Honey, l don't...

- Greg, shut up.

OK.

Dad! You ever think of knocking?

Not in my own den.

What are you two doing?

l'd say rounding second base.

This is Greg's room, Dad.

Not now - it's storage. Greg's in

Deb's room and she'll bunk with you.

- Fine. Come on, Greg.

- l'll be right up.

- Oh, good. They found your suitcase.

- Yeah.

l don't know

what happened at the tux shop

but if l gave you

the wrong impression

regarding Pam in any way,

l'm sorry, OK?

l have the best intentions with Pam.

Actually,

there's something in my suitcase

that l plan to give her

that l think, um,

symbolises...

(Jack banging about)

..the level of my commitment to her.

And l wouldn't feel right

asking her to wear it

without her father's

permission... Jack?

Did you flush this toilet?

Maybe... You know what?

Maybe Jinx flushed it.

l saw Jinxy come in last night

and squat and relieve himself.

Jinx knows not to use that toilet.

lf he did, he'd never flush it.

What does it matter?

The matter, Greg RN, is when

this toilet is flushed, it runs.

With a near-full septic tank

and toilet running all night,

you could have a problem.

Mr Byrnes?

(Man ) This is not part

of my job description.

Nice stench.

Really on a roll there, bud.

Bite me, Denny.

ln 20 hours there's a wedding here,

so l need my cesspool pumped now.

Not tomorrow, now!

Dad, what's going on? Oh, my God.

What's that smell?.

That smell, Bob, is our sh*t.

Focker made the septic tank overflow.

Jack, l told you it wasn't me.

lt was Jinx.

Focker, l'm not gonna tell you again!

Jinx cannot flush the toilet!

He's a cat, for Christ's sakes!

He doesn't have thumbs, Focker!

- Hey, look at this!

- Kevo!

Over by the tree, right?

No, no, not on the lawn.

Stay where you are!

- Not on the lawn!

- Kevin!

No, no!

(All) No!

- Oh!

- No, no!

What the heck?

# l got my mojo working

# Just won't work on you

# l got my mojo working

# Just won't work on you... #

Oh, no!

That's what l said l wanted

cos it is a black Samsonite suitcase.

But, you think that

it's possible that Samsonite,

in some crazy scheme to turn

a profit, made more than one?

- 'l don't think so, sir.'

- Really, you don't? Hey!

Jinxy, stop.

l know l signed for it...

Don't tell me... What?

Do me a favour.

Can l talk to your supervisor?

- Hmm? What's your name?

- 'Joy.'

- Get me your supervisor.

- 'He's on a break.'

When he gets back,

have him give me a call, OK?

lt's a very important bag.

(Meow )

Jinx!

Don't ask me what for,

l just need you to do this thing.

l'm in a time situation

so just do it.

- 'OK. Greg Focker?'

- Greg or Gregory. Run both names.

Psst! Jinx! Psst, psst!

Come on! No! Jinx, come here! Jinxy!

Mew, mew, mew.

No! No! Jinx! Sh*t!

Greg didn't ace his med school

Boards. He never even took the MCATs.

Oh, Jack, that's what you had

your sources check out?

What this poor boy did

on some test scores?

l bet he doesn't

have a real nursing degree.

A lot of these hospital workers

are pill poppers looking for 'ludes.

We know he's been puffing

the magic dragon.

l knew the little cracker was lying.

Jinxy! Come here.

Come here, little Jinxy.

Oh.

(Meow )

# Jinxy cat, Jinxy cat

# l won't hurt you #

The fact is, Greg lied to you.

He did not lie to me, Dad!

You should know the truth. l love you

too much to see you get hurt.

l don't care what

your information says,

Greg took the MCATs, OK?

(Phone )

- (Man speaking Thai)

- (Speaking Thai)

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes

Jim Herzfeld

Jim Herzfeld is an American film and television screenwriter who has also done work as a television producer. Herzfeld graduated from UCLA School of Theater, Film and Television (TFT) in 1984. Herzfeld's earliest TV credit is on It's Garry Shandling's Show in 1986. His earliest feature film work was a writing credit on the cult-comedy Tapeheads in 1988. Herzfeld's most successful work was writing the screenplay for the 2000 film Meet the Parents as well as writing the story and screenplay for its 2004 sequel Meet the Fockers. Despite occasional internet information to the contrary, Herzfeld was not a writer on the last of the trilogy, the critically savaged Little Fockers. Herzfeld was also the writer of the canceled Circle 7 Animation version of Toy Story 3. more…

All Jim Herzfeld scripts | Jim Herzfeld Scripts

0 fans

Submitted on August 05, 2018

Discuss this script with the community:

0 Comments

    Translation

    Translate and read this script in other languages:

    Select another language:

    • - Select -
    • 简体中文 (Chinese - Simplified)
    • 繁體中文 (Chinese - Traditional)
    • Español (Spanish)
    • Esperanto (Esperanto)
    • 日本語 (Japanese)
    • Português (Portuguese)
    • Deutsch (German)
    • العربية (Arabic)
    • Français (French)
    • Русский (Russian)
    • ಕನ್ನಡ (Kannada)
    • 한국어 (Korean)
    • עברית (Hebrew)
    • Gaeilge (Irish)
    • Українська (Ukrainian)
    • اردو (Urdu)
    • Magyar (Hungarian)
    • मानक हिन्दी (Hindi)
    • Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Italiano (Italian)
    • தமிழ் (Tamil)
    • Türkçe (Turkish)
    • తెలుగు (Telugu)
    • ภาษาไทย (Thai)
    • Tiếng Việt (Vietnamese)
    • Čeština (Czech)
    • Polski (Polish)
    • Bahasa Indonesia (Indonesian)
    • Românește (Romanian)
    • Nederlands (Dutch)
    • Ελληνικά (Greek)
    • Latinum (Latin)
    • Svenska (Swedish)
    • Dansk (Danish)
    • Suomi (Finnish)
    • فارسی (Persian)
    • ייִדיש (Yiddish)
    • հայերեն (Armenian)
    • Norsk (Norwegian)
    • English (English)

    Citation

    Use the citation below to add this screenplay to your bibliography:

    Style:MLAChicagoAPA

    "Meet the Parents" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 22 Nov. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/meet_the_parents_13591>.

    We need you!

    Help us build the largest writers community and scripts collection on the web!

    Watch the movie trailer

    Meet the Parents

    The Studio:

    ScreenWriting Tool

    Write your screenplay and focus on the story with many helpful features.


    Quiz

    Are you a screenwriting master?

    »
    What does "INT." stand for in a screenplay?
    A Introduction
    B Internal
    C Internet
    D Interior