Men, Money & Gold Diggers Page #3

Yeah, but Paisley's

got that cover girl,

supermodel type of

beauty, you know?

Oh, yeah.

That's right.

Yeah, because in

your world, two degrees,

closed knees and a Bible

don't mean nothing.

For you, it's two-inch

waist, cover girl face

and a big booty

to chase, right?

Why you trying

to psychoanalyze me?

I don't have to analyze

what I already know.

- Oh, really?

- Mm-hmm.

Well, since we're being

so analytical

and poking our little noses

into other people business,

- why you don't have a man?

- What?

Yeah, ever since what's-his-face

broke up with you...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

He did not break up with me.

The decision was mutual.

Yeah, well, whatever

it was, I haven't seen you

with a man since then.

Well, maybe I spend all

my hours working for you.

Oh!

Oh, so now your being

single is my fault.

Okay.

Maybe some men find my

commitment to your success

just a little intimidating.

You know what?

I don't have time for this.

Can you please just get

my office together?

I gotta get to work.

Well, thank you for noticing.

- Oh, uh, thanks.

- Mm-hmm.

Good job.

Did you take care of my...

Bills for the month...

Paid.

- What about changing...

- Voicemail?

It now says, "Office of

Caleb Peterson, junior partner."

I like the way that sounds.

And the parking arrangements?

Been there, done that.

Oh, good, then you

got enough time to send...

Send flowers to Paisley?

Yeah, she should be receiving

those in like, oh, five, four,

three, two and...

Caleb Peterson.

Oh, hey, Paisley, baby.

Oh, yeah, I know.

But you know, it's always

the little things that count.

Yeah.

I love you too.

All right.

Wait, how did you...

I did tell you that I saw

the show this morning, right?

So I just figured that you'd

want to send some flowers

to smooth things over.

Damn, look at you.

- What would I--

- Do without me?

I, I really don't know.

Probably finish one

of my own sentences.

Shoot.

I mean, why do you

look so surprised?

Five years together,

you would figure

I would know

something about you.

Oh, you don't know everything.

What color

underwear I'm wearing?

I'm just kidding.

Um, hmm.

Blue.

Calvin Klein.

Button fly boxer briefs

with the signature logo

on the waistband

and might I say,

a little too tight?

You should really think

about a bigger size

because if you

could breathe a bit,

you might not be walking

around here so uptight.

- I'm just saying.

- You know what?

I don't know whether to fire

you for sexual harassment

or take that as a compliment.

Well, just like you say,

I'm just doing my job, sir.

Oh, wait.

Speaking of big offices,

your brother called

and said he'll

be here in a minute.

Damn, forgot about that.

Why does he need your office?

Uh, to meet with another one

of his freak show clients.

- Oh yeah?

- Yeah.

Who is it this week?

I dunno, he said it's a secret.

Oh.

Okay.

Well, um, wish him luck for me.

Wait a minute, where you going?

You're not just going

to leave me

to deal with

this nonsense by myself.

He's coming, he's coming...

Get up, get up.

- Hey, Damon.

- Hey, how you doing, Dedra?

- What are you talking--

- Come on, it's gotta look like my office.

Hey, hey, man, don't you do nothing

crazy in my new

executive leather chair...

I just got that.

Man, stop playing and get into

character, he's almost here.

- I don't see anybody...

- Where is he?

He's walking up,

you don't see him?

Where?

Look it.

Yeah, I'm here

to see Damon Peterson.

Damon, what the hell you doing?

Damon?

I'm Sway.

- Sway.

- Yeah.

You know, like a boat

rocking back and forth?

I'm so smooth, I sway.

Oh, so I get it.

You're the new artist.

Depends.

Depends on what

ya'll got to offer.

I'm already giving you money.

Come on, playboy.

You're probably

giving Damon some money.

I'm Sway.

- You know, like a boat rocking.

- Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's it.

That's it...

I like her.

So, what ya'll got to

offer a brother?

Uh, I need to consult

with my brother,

but he seemed

to disappear... somewhere.

Hold on, man, I'm on the phone.

Oh, yeah, yeah, we'd love

to do the Usher remix.

Yeah, yeah.

Talk to you soon,

Mr. Face.

Mr. Babyface, that is.

All right, playboy.

What'd I miss?

- Look, Sway, you--

- What?

You know, like sway, right?

No, I'm Damon.

CEO of Just Us Records?

Oh, so now you're Damon.

Of course I'm Damon, bro.

We've been brothers

for about, what, 30 years?

I think the junior partner

thing is starting to mess

with your mind... Man,

what's the matter with you?

What's the matter with me...

You the one lost your damn mind.

No, it seems like ya'll got

some crazy dysfunctional

sibling rivalry thing going on.

I'll check back

with ya'll later.

Uh, Damon, Sway, whoever

the hell you are right now.

You cannot be an artist

and run the company.

Come on, bro...

it can be done.

Think about Jay-Z,

huh?

Look, you take

care of the finances.

Me, I'll book the talent.

You mean booking yourself.

Yeah, yeah.

See, I told you I like her.

Or was that Sway?

Look, Damon, I didn't

put my money into this

for you to be a star.

We put our money together

so we can make stars, man.

Well, let's make Sway a star.

I'm telling you,

man, he is the one.

I feel it.

I feel him.

You know, like you say

you feel about Paisley,

only this is real.

You know what, you're wrong

for that, but you know what,

see, I've heard this a thousand

times before, Damon.

What are you talking about?

First it was the, uh,

Siamese twins boy band.

What were they called?

- Connected?

- They was hot.

They was just a

little before their time.

Then it was the gay,

blind country rapper.

- Boy Charles?

- Boy Charles.

How was I supposed to

know the brother was blind?

- And now it's you!

- No, now it's Sway.

And I'm telling you,

he got some skills.

The ladies will love it.

Damon, you took third place

in a talent showcase

with only one person in it.

Why you gotta bring that up?

I was just starting

to get over it.

I'm just saying, man,

you know, you get stage fright.

That's why I created Sway!

Look, when I'm him,

I ain't scared of nothing.

Cross this line, son,

I'll knock your ass out.

Man, take these

damn things off.

You know you can't fight.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I mean, that's brilliant.

The whole alter ego thing.

I mean, that could work.

Who's gonna pay for it?

Come on, man, give it a shot.

Look, let me perform at

your engagement party.

Now, if I'm wack, you

won't hear another word.

If I'm hot, you promise

to back me, huh?

That sounds fair to me.

Dedra?

But what do I know?

I'm just a little old assistant

and ain't nobody ringing

no wedding bells for me.

All right,

man, you can perform.

But look, don't you

mess this up.

Now can you please get

your schizophrenic butt

out of my office?

I've got to get to work now.

All right, all right, all right,

don't be pushing on me, man.

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