Michael Page #3

biggest ball of twine?

No.

We must go-

I saw the world's biggest cannonball.

Mesopotamia.

- I wonder if it's still there.

- Mesopotamia isn't still there.

- Nothing lasts.

- Listen...

I have to ask a favor.

Huey and I, we're on a little

bit of a losing streak.

Quit.

We can't. He's got a mortgage.

Three kids in a soccer camp.

A wife.

God knows he loves her...

...but she's burning a hole

in his pocket, and I...

Well...

Love to fight. Like me. We'll drive.

Where?

Chicago. Isn't that

where you want to go?

I know. That's why I wrote you.

You wrote?

Yeah. My idea.

Why are we driving?

I mean, why don't we fly?

All of us together in a plane.

It's safer. Much safer.

Nobody believes it...

...but statistically it's true...

- ... and the paper'll pay.

- Nope.

- We need time.

- Time for what?

Smokes.

Smokes. Besides...

...I'll get to see the world's

largest ball of twine.

- It's on the way.

- Great.

- You'll owe me something.

- Money?

I can't quote a figure, but there'll be

plenty of money, I promise you that...

...once the world sees...

- ... pictures of these babies.

- No.

- You'll owe me an apology.

- An apology, for what?

Sure, I apologize. Whatever.

Not now. When I say so.

And no pictures.

No pictures? Are you kidding me?

Not until we get to Chicago.

Deal?

Deal.

I like your coat better.

It's yours.

The world's biggest ball

of twine is two hours from here.

I'd like to see it before the sun sets.

- They'll exploit you. You must know.

- I'm going.

Well I'm not. For your sake.

You are or I'll have to tell

them the truth about you.

What?

I know why you're here...

...and it has nothing to do with angels.

How do you know?

I pay attention.

Also...

- ... I'd like you to sing.

- A song?

Of course.

Fine.

I'll sing.

Now?

When I tell you to.

In the national news:

Hog futures are down 1/4 in Chicago

and selling down 1/8 in Sioux City.

Hog futures.

Hog futures are down 1/4.

- What's the opposite of white?

- Black.

Wrong. Yolk.

Is that like an egg joke?

When we stop to eat will

you put your coat back on?

- Why?

- Your wings.

People will see your wings.

Are you afraid they'll

think less of you?

They won't know what to think.

Many people aren't

as sophisticated as me and Huey.

We don't want any trouble.

We want to get to Chicago.

He's worried somebody might

try to steal his story.

- I'm not worried.

- You're worried.

Look what Pansy left us.

Car Bingo.

Dig the propaganda.

"The miles will fly and your

children won't cry if you play...

"... Car Bingo. "

All right. Everybody gets one.

Here. Hand them out.

- What do we do?

- Here are the pencils.

Instead of writing a number

you write what you see.

Dog. One point for me.

- Not fair! You played this before.

- Not fair to me, I'm driving.

Deal with it. Bird on a wire.

- Picket fence.

- Policeman.

Where?

That was good.

You must learn to laugh.

It's the way to true love.

"The world's largest ball of twine...

- "... has a circumference of 45 ft... "

- What's the excuse?

It'll take longer because

we must stay off the highway.

Fly.

- He won't fly.

- Why?

He can't fit in coach. His wings

take too much space.

You'll pay first class?

Drive.

"... it was transported here.

There's enough twine... "

Battle.

Don't worry. What can happen?

Trust me. Nothing.

Don't fret, Malt.

What are you doing?

Battle!

You know what that is?

Battle.

Michael, don't.

I am completely happy.

Are you all right?

Can you feel your legs.

No injuries. Six thousand

three hundred and sixty battles.

Can you sit up?

Of course I can sit up.

Now, that...

...that is my nature.

But I'm doomed to live in one place

and crave the pleasures of another.

But don't you feel sorry for me.

Why would we?

Because this is my last blast. 26.

That's all we get. Thank you, Quinlan.

For what?

I think he's saying

there's no sex in Heaven.

It's not polite to talk about someone in

the third person when the person's here.

I know. I'm very sorry. Sparky!

What do you mean...

...last blast?

Only so many visits allowed.

I'm going to miss everything so much.

Why are you here?

Why are you saying it has

anything to do with me?

The Sun had an argument with the North

Wind. Who was smarter? Stronger?

The North Wind pointed out

a man walking down the street.

"I can make that man

take his coat off and you can't. "

"I'll take that bet," said the Sun.

The North Wind blew and the more...

...that wind blew, the tighter that

man held that coat around himself.

And then the Sun...

...came out and smiled...

...and it became warmer, and...

...the man took off his coat.

What is that supposed to mean?

- Did you make a bet about me?

- I had to get back here somehow.

Watch the wings there, buddy.

That's not how you eat a lemon.

How do you eat a lemon?

You cut it in half...

- ... put salt on it.

- That's how you eat a lemon.

- That is how you eat a lemon.

- What is this, a rule?

Hey, you too.

- Thank you.

- Do you have pie?

Do you have pie?

I'm a writer too.

Really. What did you write?

Psalm eighty-five.

It wasn't called Psalm 85

when I wrote it.

I didn't know they'd be

collected and numbered.

That was around the time

I invented standing in line.

You invented standing in line?

Before everybody milled around.

It was a mess.

So one day I said,

"Why not make a line?"

For what?

To get in.

- Ask him what you want to know.

- What do I want to know?

He wants to know why angels

don't solve big problems.

That is what I want to know.

Why don't angels...

...solve big problems?

You can't change

the nature of the world.

What can you do?

Small miracles, only so many.

Some angels aren't so smart.

- They use them up in stupid ways.

- Like the parking...

...space angel.

I don't like to criticize other angels.

I'll be with you in a minute.

This is how you eat a lemon.

Excuse me.

They want me.

- Remember what John and Paul said.

- The Apostles?

No, the Beatles.

"All you need is love. "

Hello there, ladies.

Do you believe in angels?

Absolutely.

Have you ever heard of an angel

that was interested in sex?

Of course not.

Angels do not have sex.

- But is there one?

- I suppose...

...he invented standing in line.

I'm going to take you for a walk.

Let's go.

Suzanne, what's going on?

Follow me, ladies.

Follow me.

I invented the hole in the coffee cup.

When you get coffee to go.

I was the first person to rip

the little hole in the lid...

...so you could drink it in the car.

- Could've made a fortune.

- It's weird.

- What?

- She's an angel expert, but-

What?

Battle.

For God's sake, Michael...

...stop.

- Battle.

- You better believe it.

It's caramels. He smell like caramels.

It's cotton candy.

He smells like cookies. The smell

gets stronger when he's in heat.

You are a great fighter.

Certainly am.

I'm cold.

You from the National Mirror?

I got a 2-headed chicken...

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes