Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life Page #4

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is actually happening

at our school?

You think the graffiti is,

like, really cool?

Well, not just that. I think the

post-it thing was amazing too.

And Dwight's hair.

Genius.

I just love that

someone has the guts,

you know, to take on

the establishment.

Yeah.

And I'm not the only one

who thinks so.

Check out how many likes

it got on my Facebook page.

Whoa!

Yeah.

That means that it's actually

spreading to other schools.

Hey, um...

Do you wanna

know a secret? I...

Anonymous.

You're anonymous.

Actually...

I'm really just

digging your boots!

Good job. Good choice.

Thanks.

So what are you doing

after school next Friday?

Do you wanna go on a...

Fundraiser.

Yeah, a date.

A fundraiser. Totally.

That's what I was thinking.

Yeah, I love funds.

And raising things.

Raising things is fun.

What are we

fund and raising for?

Greenpeace.

Love them.

Have you seen that

heartbreaking YouTube video

about how the polar bears

are getting stranded

on melting ice floes?

Yeah.

And I'm trying to make

a difference here,

but it's just so crazy

with the studying

for the testing

of the b.L.A.A.R.

And everyone's just so busy.

If I hear one more thing

about the b.L.A.A.R.,

I'm gonna "blaarf"

just, like, everywhere.

Me, too.

So, uh, you're in?

Absolutely. I mean,

I can "bear-ly" wait.

Good.

No, that was a dumb joke.

It was "bear-ly" because...

Oh! Okay, yeah.

I see what you did there.

Actually,

that was kind of funny.

Okay, so yeah.

I'll see you then.

Okay.

Okay. Bye.

Yeah. Bye.

Dude!

You almost blew our cover!

I'm sorry.

She was just way cool, dude!

You gotta be careful, okay?

Opening up to people can...

Well, it can get you hurt.

Yeah.

Am I right?

Yes. You don't have to be

such a jerk about it.

I'm sorry. But, hey,

you can always trust me.

One for all and all for one.

We'll just massage this in

and get you back

to your natural color.

Just lean back, relax,

and let me take care

of everything.

Relax? I can't relax.

Have you seen

this website discussion?

It's gone bacterial.

Ugh! Even worse,

ever since those punks

started disrupting everything,

the kids have been slacking off.

This morning I heard laughing.

In the library.

Laughing? What do you mean?

The "out loud" kind?

Mmm-hmm.

And you know, the test scores have

really been slipping this past month.

Ever since this rule breaking

got started.

No.

Yes.

And the b.L.A.A.R.

Is right around the corner.

We can't afford

to have our students

losing their concentration.

Getting the best scores on

the test is all that matters.

Like I always say,

"teach to the test,

not to the kids."

Yeah. Well,

it's a relief to be

around someone who gets it.

You know, I think we need

a larger room for detention.

The library's not good anymore.

Maybe the cafeteria

plus the gymnasium?

Mmm-hmm.

Although,

gymnasium comes in handy...

Oh, my god!

That could've been me.

All right! Shon

has a homework question

about the food chain.

So why don't we band together

as a class and help him. Shon?

Shon, are you having

a panic attack?

Yes. Yeah? Okay,

so just breathe.

And remember the question

that you asked me earlier.

Probably won't show up

on the b.L.A.A.R.

The b.L.A.A.R does not

dictate everything

that you need to know

from the real world.

Now we're together for

a half hour every morning.

We might as well make it count.

Rafe.

You spend all day drawing.

Why don't you

put that to good use

and come draw us a food chain?

No, I'm good. I mean...

I only work

in pen anyways, so...

No. I've seen your homework.

It's done exclusively

in invisible ink.

Come on.

Draw us the food chain.

Walk us through it.

Okay, well, the sun

shines down onto the grass,

which keeps growing

until a cow

comes along and eats it.

Always grass. Never pizza.

That's the primary consumer.

The cow gets nice and big.

Huh? Hmm...

According to this,

a surprise pizza party

is being held

for me right there!

And then it gets taken

to a slaughterhouse.

Great. Now I gotta

act surprised.

Okay, I'm surprised.

And we use it to make

hamburgers and all that.

One day...

Hey!

A hungry bully with

a bad haircut comes by.

Eats the hamburgers.

That's the secondary consumer.

But he keeps

eating the hamburgers.

He keeps eating, and eating,

and eating until he gets so fat,

that he just sort of explodes.

Ugh!

Uh... but, that is good

for the maggots.

Yay!

Whoo!

Just like chicken.

Ooh, try the butt cheek.

No, thank you.

I'm having the Pu Pu platter.

And then, in turn,

enrich the grassy field,

which another cow

comes along and eats.

Ooh, an invitation

to a surprise party?

Outstanding!

So, um, yeah. That's, uh...

That's my food chain.

That is...

Very detailed and super awesome.

Thank you.

All right, everybody.

You know what that sound means.

You don't have to go home,

but you can't stay here.

Let's go. Out, out, out.

Hey. Khatcha-drawian.

I'm gonna roundhouse you

in the face.

Do it.

Do what?

Roundhouse him.

Roundhouse him in the face.

'Cause I don't think you can.

I don't think

it's physically possible

to get your leg that high

from where you're standing.

Well... uh...

I know I can't.

If I tried to do it,

my groin would snap like that.

Of course I can.

But I just can't do it now

because, uh...

I forgot to renew

the lethal weapon

registration on my feet.

Yeah, that's a bummer.

I hate it when that happens.

Yeah. So...

Yeah.

Gotta go.

Okay.

We'll rain check it.

Look, there's no easy way

to break up with someone.

But if you feel that

you weren't into it anymore,

then you did the right thing.

You had to tell her.

You know?

You gotta do you.

That's the most important thing.

I learned that

from my ex-wife.

Hey, uh, Rafe,

that was some drawing

back there.

Thanks. It was nothing.

No, it was very much something.

What's a kid like you doing lumped

in with all these other kids?

It's been a rough

couple of years for me.

I lost my brother.

Cancer.

Oh, man.

I'm sorry. That's terrible.

You guys are making me a

little nervous standing here.

Remember rule number 34.

Don't touch the trophy case?

Very, very good.

See what a favor I did you,

getting rid

of that awful notebook

so you can make more

productive use of your time?

Is there something you'd like

to say to me right now?

You're in trouble. Give

me your hand real quick,

'cause there's something going on here.

What is this? Oh!

Oh!

Bear is mauling our mother.

We've got to do something.

Hey, mom! Open my present.

Oh, I gotta go.

Let me see that. Okay.

Ah...

Ooh. Presents.

Let's see.

Oh, it's an apron.

What's this?

"Hello, is it me

you're cooking for?"

- Isn't that funny?

- This is so funny.

Where'd you find that?

Well, I had someone

make it for you.

You did?

Yeah.

You understand that?

Of course, that's why I got it.

Get it?

I get it.

Honey, that's so cute.

I love it.

Took me a bit,

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