Mighty Aphrodite Page #7

- I know. Relax, relax. Relax, will ya?

- and Eager Beaver was last.

You know, it's not so terrible.

I told you it was a long shot.

- I never have any luck. Never!

- All right.

I never won a f***ing thing

in my entire life! Nothing! Never!

Will you stay calm?

You gotta learn to be a graceful loser.

If it's the money,

I'll lend you the money.

- I can help you.

- No, it's not the money, Lenny.

I don't care about the money.

I just wanted to win so badly.

What do you want to win for?

We're just out here having a good time.

- You gotta--

- 'Cause I wanted to impress you.

Impress me? What? You know,

you're not running in the race.

What-- You don't

have to impress me. I'm--

Yeah, but I wanted to show you

I could pick a winner.

Hey. Listen, my horse

didn't win either, you know.

Come on, you--

you do impress me.

You're attractive, you're--

you're quick, you have a lot of energy.

- You're obviously

a state-of-the-art fellatrix.

- What?

So-- Nothing, nothing.

I'm impressed. Take--

- Lenny, don't say "nothing."

- I'm impressed.

- You think I'm stupid?

- I don't think you're stupid, no.

- No?

- You know, I think you do

a stupid thing with your life.

But I told you that already.

Well, I don't understand

why it matters so much to you.

Hey, come on. We'll stay for one more

race, and this time I'll bet for you.

- Yeah?

- Let me make the bet.

Yeah. N-No. Come on.

- We'll just go to the window

and I'll make one bet.

- All right.

Please don't pick one

that runs second...

- 'cause I want a winner, okay, Len?

- Yeah. Hey.

You know, they give these horses saliva

tests. I can't guarantee anything.

- I gave you your winnings, right?

- Yeah.

That was a great race.

Too bad the horse only paid 40 cents.

Well, he was a heavy favorite, you know,

and I bet him to come in third.

- At least this way you get something.

- Yeah.

So, you wanna come in?

I gotta go home.

I got a wife and kid. You know, I can't.

You know, you only talk about me.

You never talk about yourself.

It's late for me. You know,

I had a great time, but I gotta go.

I feel I owe you a great f***.

Hey, do me a favor. Go upstairs,

rest your ulcer, stay in tonight.

I can't stay in.

I got six dates.

Six dates.

Slow night for you, right?

I wish I had the penicillin concession

in your apartment. I'd-- I'd be wealthy.

All right.

So, you're gonna call me again?

Am I gonna call you again?

Yeah, I'll call you. Don't worry.

- You promise?

- I will. I'll call you again.

Okay. I had a great time.

- Bye.

- Okay.

Whew.

- Congratulations.

- Thirty-five years.

- I never thought we'd make it.

- You and Amanda...

have a way to go,

but you'll make it.

- You guys look so young, both of you.

- Yeah, you do.

Well, we've kept

each other young.

Your mother could be your sister,

and you could be brother and sister.

- You could be my-- yes.

- I don't know where that

puts me, but anyway--

She looks so beautiful,

doesn't she, Lenny?

- To me, she always looks beautiful.

- Mmm.

-I just always find her great. And you--

When I said sisters before, I mean it.

You guys look so great.

And it's a wonder,

with all the responsibility...

she has opening

her new gallery.

- It's a lot of work.

- What new gallery? A new gallery?

No, I didn't tell you 'cause,

you know, I don't know until

it's a hundred percent definite.

- Well, did I say the wrong thing?

- But it's not.

- No, sure. No, I just--

- It's a hundred percent definite.

You're so insecure.

It's happening.

- Oh, excuse me.

- What is the story on this?

- It looks like I have the backing,

but it's not totally definite.

- That's why I didn't say anything.

- Your mother said it was definite.

Yeah, well. It seems as if

I do have the backing.

And there is this wonderful space

on Vesey Street. You know it?

- Vesey? Yeah, I know it.

- Yeah, down in Soho.

And it looks like, you know,

we think we can get it.

The Dorians are putting in

some money, but I--

- Well, don't look so happy about it.

- I am happy!

I'm very happy for you, but it's

the first I'm hearing of it, you know.

- And for your mother to tell me--

- Yeah, well, look.

I realize that for a time I'm going

to be busier than usual...

and I know that's

a sore point,

but, you know, it'll be only

'til it gets off the ground.

- Hey, I'm happy for you. I re--

- You are?

- Yes. I just would have

liked to have known it.

- Are you sure?

- The Amanda Sloane Gallery.

I think that it's great.

- Yeah, on Vesey Street.

Believe me.

I haven't even told Jerry Bender yet.

"You've got a fine right, you have,

after the way you treated Mother,

"after the way you treated us all!

"A fine right you've got to come back

in here in your best country manner...

"and strike attitudes

and make stands...

"and criticize my fiance

and give orders...

"and mess things up generally

as if you'd done--

"Well, I can't help it.

It's sickening!

As if he'd done nothing at all!"

Well?

What do you think?

- About what?

- About me.

- You think I'm any good?

- Yes, it's fine.

I-- You know, you're asking

the wrong person.

I don't know that much about acting,

to tell you the truth.

Oh, I can tell

you're not too impressed.

No, no, no. I just thought, you know,

it's a very odd part for you to choose.

- Why?

- Well, you know, 'cause

it's The Philadelphia Story.

- But I lived in Philadelphia.

- What has that got to do with it?

- I know the city.

- What? You pick a part like this--

You should get something

closer to yourself.

It wouldn't be such a struggle.

- You know.

- Well, what part should I play?

You know-- I don't know.

Something closer.

Clint Eastwood doesn't play

a meek little hairdresser.

Well, I could play

a hairdresser.

I-I used to--

I used to do it a lot.

I wanted to be one.

I was very good at it.

- So why'd you give it up?

- Well, I don't know.

One thing led to another.

You know, my aunt worked

in a beauty parlor for years.

She loved it.

Wait. You mean

not be an actress?

Well, an actress

is a very tough life, you know.

- But a hairdresser

could always make a buck.

- A buck?

A buck! An honest buck.

No beatings, no AIDS.

You can meet somebody

that you, you know--

You can get a family, have a real life,

someone that cares for you.

Hey!

Now, don't you think that I want

to meet somebody and get married...

and get the hell

out of the rat race?

I would like to move away

and become a mother and just raise kids.

I don't even want

to be a hairdresser.

If Clint Eastwood wants

to be a hairdresser, just let him.

You missed the point. Clint Eastwood

doesn't want to be a hairdresser.

I had a kid, Lenny,

and I gave him up

for adoption.

It's the sorriest thing

I ever did in my entire life.

There's not a day

that doesn't go by that I don't...

wake up thinking

about him.

Now some lucky family

has him.

I just hope to God that they're

taking good care of him.

Why'd you give him up?

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