Milf Page #5

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Maybe someone actually

goes to the grocery store

To get groceries

And not have sex

with a mom.

Hey, what about

that one over there?

Come on, Anthony.

See that one

bending over?

That one.

Right there.

Do it. Do it. Do it.

This is it.

All right.

For the non-Believers.

He's going to make

such an idiot of himself.

He's doing all right.

Hey, is if MILFS or MILF?

For the plural.

You know, like,

one sheep is a sheep,

And many sheep are sheep.

Yes.

Is it the same rules

for MILF?

Like, a MILF is a MILF,

And then many MILF

are MILF.

No, no, no.

Remember your grammar.

Mom i like to f***, right?

Yeah.

If it's plural, it can't be

mom i like to fucks.

So it must be MILF.

It must be MILF.

Moms i like to f***.

I'm really glad

you came tonight.

You know,

these past few months

Have been

really tough for me.

I mean, just with

the divorce, moving,

And all this change.

But then you were there

To just make things

sort of...nicer.

And Im not trying to

pressure you or anything,

But this has been

so very, very special.

That's all Im saying.

So thank you.

Oh, me, too.

Thanks for helping me with

all those heavy groceries.

Oh, sh*t!

Shh! Can you

keep it down?

Come on. Move it.

Come on. Move it.

Do it hard.

Just give me

five more minutes.

God, can you get me

a water or something?

You are an animal.

Oh.

Are you my daddy?

Uh...no.

Are you my daddy?

Are you my daddy?

Holy third world.

Are you my daddy?

Are you my daddy?

Are you my daddy?

Are you my daddy?

Are you my daddy?

Are you my daddy?

Are you my daddy?

Are you my daddy?

Oh, my god!

Go! Please drive!

Oh, god!

This isn't

what it looks like.

Go, man, go!

Go! Go! Go!

Go, man!

Come on!

Oh, my god!

Looks like you guys have

been having some fun, huh?

Yeah, i guess.

Oh, hey, dude.

Guess what.

What?

My dad's in town. He wants you

to come to dinner.

Your dad's in town?

Really?

Tonight.

I haven't seen your dad

in forever.

Yeah, man. You should

totally come.

I actually do have a lot of

tests and stuff coming up.

Especially one tomorrow.

I got projects

and stuff.

No, no, no. I said

my dad's in town,

And he wants you

to come to dinner.

Come on, man.

You're like family.

My mom's cooking.

You love my mom's meat.

Well, why don't you guys

Just hang out together

or something.

With the divorce

and everything,

It'd be nice, you know?

No, man. How weird

would that be?

No, they wouldn't last

one second with just them.

Trust me, dude. The divorce

went really smooth.

All right, fine.

Yeah. Okay. Cool.

Yeah, that's right.

Dinner.

I'm there for you.

It'll be a blast

in all dimensions.

I'm so glad everyone's

here tonight.

I'm pretty sure my mom

Hasn't said three words

to my dad.

Really? Don't worry about it,

man. It'll be fine.

How are you, Mr. Reese?

Oh, Im just wonderful.

And look at you.

A college man now.

I'm good and apparently

so is my ex-Wife.

Is that right?

Well, look at this place.

It's fabulous,

Everything brand new.

I should have

gotten one myself.

Oh, wait. I did

pay for this.

She spared no expenses.

Perhaps you can get

your nephew

To loan you a few dollars

and fix up your place.

So, Brandon, how are you?

Anthony tells me you're

really busy lately.

Oh. Yeah...kind of.

He's been seeing

someone.

Really? Someone?

Well, you know,

just...

I still don't know who

it is. He won't tell me.

I'm sure he has

a good reason for that.

[Nervous laugh]

Brandon, can i give you

a little advice?

Sure.

You've got to make sure

you enjoy college.

College is a time for

discovering who you are.

Experimenting.

I regret i didn't do

enough of that myself.

Uh, thank you, sir.

I'm sure a lot of people

have that regret, Sheldon.

I'm being serious, Brandon.

You need to keep

an open mind in college.

I'm sure that Brandon

Is being plenty

adventurous in college.

Actually,

Anthony over here,

He's got quite the funny

story about that.

Don't you, Anthony?

Remember the time that

we got all adventurous

At the--We did.

I have no idea what

you're talking about.

Well, Im sure you two

Will find exactly

what you're looking for.

Maybe it's closer

than you think.

Or maybe it's something

You never

thought you'd consider.

But just, you know,

take your time.

Don't rush into anything.

On the contrary.

It's never too

late to change tack--

Enough!

God, can't you just

go through one dinner

Without fighting?

You got divorced

for a reason.

Brandon isn't even

your son.

I get it. He's like

a brother to me.

He's a good, loyal,

true friend.

But that doesn't mean

you have to fight over him

Like you do me.

Mom, i know you guys

just got divorced,

But i want you

to know

That i think

it'd be good for you

To get out there,

you know?

Find that special

someone.

Thank you, dear.

Come on, mom.

You're a catch.

You've got

a great house,

A good job.

What guy

wouldn't want you.

Am i right?

Yeah. What guy

wouldn't want you?

So, Mr. Reese,

Anthony over here

Tells me you just got

back from a trip? Wow.

Yes, that's right.

I was in southeast Asia.

What part

of southeast Asia?

Actually, i was in Bangkok.

[Stifles laugh]

did you travel alone

Or with a partner?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

You went with

Your new recent partner,

The guy who invested

in the house with you.

Oh, you new

business partner?

The guy you invested

in the house with.

Would that be

in palm springs?

That's correct.

It's really great

in the springs now.

You guys

would love it.

Feel free

to come by anytime.

Someone

pass me the salad.

Here you go, dad.

Night, boys.

Thanks. Night, dad.

Night.

Oh, dude, it's Nate.

He says he's got

an emergency, man.

We got to go.

No way, man. I really do

have a big econ test.

Can you just

drop me off at campus?

Man, that's on

the other side of town.

Man...Ill take a cab then.

Nonsense. I'm going

right by the campus.

I can take him.

Okay. I guess if that's

okay with you.

You go take care

of your friend.

He'll be safe

with me.

All right.

Thanks, dad.

Later.

Shall we?

Oh, here.

That door always sticks.

Let me help you.

Mr. Reese,

what are you doing?

Brandon, there's something

i wanted to say to you.

You have to admit

There was some electricity

in that room tonight.

Excuse me?

You know what Im

talking about. At the table?

Mr. Reese, look,

Im flattered--

Do you understand what

Im trying to ask you?

I don't know, man.

What?

How long have you

been f***ing my ex-Wife?

What?

I'm not--

I haven't--

Oh, please. I see the way

she's looking at you.

And that little game

of crotch soccer,

That wasn't exactly her

being magnanimous.

I'm gay, not stupid.

I'm sorry.

You don't have

to apologize to me.

But you and Anthony have

been friends for so long.

I want you to

honestly think about

What this might do

to your friendship.

You just promise me that?

Yeah, i will.

I know you will.

Now let's get you

back to school.

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