Mis terrores favoritos Page #3

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Lawrence Prussian.

The Polish squire!

So l can simply tie him with this.

Take it off. lt's profanation!

lt's a slap in the face

for the entire crew.

Take it easy. lt's a squire

from the time of imperialism.

Don't forget who they palled up with.

Anyway, tell him to take it off.

- The hunters ready?

- Ready!

The battue ready?

Ready!

- Camera...

- Turn it on!

''The Ultimate Sausage of

Count Barry Kent'' - 701!

- And what shall we do now?!

- We have to repeat it.

Repeat? Are you crazy?!

lt's a cat. lt'll always climb a tree!

We can cut this tree.

That's my concept.

l'm here for the concepts,

do you understand it?!

Every issue can be perceived

from two different perspectives.

The truth of times we talk about

and the truth of screen saying:

''Panslavonic pear tree protects in its

boughs plebeian fugitive.''

Do the cut-in shot

of the hare on the pear tree.

No! Change it for a dog!

Let it bark on its persecutors

from the mansion of the squire.

Make it stop meowing.

Charlie perfume, please.

- ''Technical Guide''

- Yes, please. Thank you.

Loin of pork!

300! After tomorrow l'll have

''Speleological Guide''.

- What guide? What is it?

- The liver.

- Thank you.

- Good bye.

Pardon.

Please, stay.

You will be a witness!

Put it here, boys. The door!

- Are you a seller here?

- How can l help you?!

You sold this shampoo, didn't you?

SAMSON. REVlTALlZlNG SHAMPOO

l asked a question!

- l'm not the Holy Ghost!

- How dare you?!

Hair shampoo!

Revitalizing!

Mother of children!

Married for 30 years...

My wife...

And this is.... what is left...

This is what is left...

This is what is left!

- This is what is left!

- Don't do it, Kazio!

Damn you, get out of here,

one after another!

Throwing her locks all over here!

Listen Mister!

lt isn't hairdressing salon!

lt's a newsagent's stand!

l sell meat here!

Have you brought everything?

Yes, but l'm not sure,

if all things are ok...

cause you gave me a form

for business passport.

This way you don't have to pay

for the passport and the ticket!

You'll fly with a business passport,

as a member of the club ''Rainbow''.

With your business passport you

can fly all over the world, butterfly.

Can you keep it with you?

Show me how you look like!

l look like this!

Oh, you, my Teddy Bear...

You sighed the photos

for your sport card.

- Give me your lD as well.

- My lD...

2 coffees and 2 cream cakes.

What else?

Why 2 coffees and 2 cream cakes?

Coffee and cakes are compulsory

for everyone.

We're competing

for the award ''Golden pan''.

OK. Bring us 2 compulsory sets.

- The cloakroom is compulsory too!

- All right.

l lost again...

No, here...

So listen...

Here you have what is in my jacket:

lD, application etc.

lt's a ticket for the cloakroom, 10.

l'll write it for you to remember!

Dear! Add some more water.

l'm so weak today.

l'm telling you...

Miss lwonka, wipe this lipstick off,

or some customer will complain again.

We have to hang a notice to let in

only customers in ties.

A customer in tie

makes less fuss.

l picked up? But you have

my ticket in your hand!

- Take this coat!

- But that is not mine.

The hook with your ticket number is

empty so he gave you the next coat.

But l had my passport and

the lD of this lady in my coat!

You picked up that coat. You said:

''lD and the passport...''

He paid 20 zlotys

for his lost ticket.

But l have it here

so give me my coat!

Stop shouting on my employee!

l'm the manager of this cloakroom!

We don't have your coat

so what will you do to us?

A lout is insisting

but where will l find his coat?

Read it.

WE ARE NOT RESPONSlBLE

FOR THlNGS LEFT lN CLOAKROOM

Why didn't you call the Militia?

Because l'll drive faster to them

than they to me.

- Wait for me. l'll be back soon.

- What about me?

They stole my jacket, not yours.

HEADQUARTERS:

OF THE ClTlZEN'S MlLlTlA

Not here.

Don't you know the rules?

Right. When you're pressed

you forget about the regulations.

You're right, Officer.

- Still much left?

- 15 years but l'll appeal!

- So, did you fix it?

- l did what l could.

Bear, Teddy Bear!

Look, look!

They sent it back. They did...

What?

lt seems they stole it again.

No! lt's here.

My lD!

That's great! Listen...

Maybe they sent back my passport too.

Bear, Bear!

Let's go and see!

- There's a letter!

- Really? Open it!

lt's here! You see, they're so honest!

l know more honest people...

That's mad,

why did they send back the cover?

Probably the thief had his own,

a nicer one.

But he didn't have a passport

so will leave the country with mine.

- He'll be caught, you declared it.

- Sure!

Maybe in a year or even later.

''Dear Roman, the trip called off!

Best regards. Rysio.''

l regret very much.

Not for me.

l wanted you to play for Roman.

Bear, Bear, make up something!

You're so wise.

l can't send the telegram!

There's no such city: London!

- There is Ladek, Ladek Zdroj, yes...

- London, a city in England.

Why didn't you tell me?!

l have to look for it,

l have to check where it is.

They stole your passport...

You must steal from someone.

l'll do it!

THE ULTlMATE SAUSAGE OF

COUNT BARRY KEN - Where is my tea?

- Over there, on your desk.

Thank you.

Miss Krysia!

lt's a sick note.

- Thank you, Mr Director.

- What for?

An actor got ill, Ryszard Ochodzki.

He'll be on a sick leave.

Place an ad in a paper. With a photo.

We're looking for a double.

- What happened to him?

- He's in bed.

Dear God!

Take it urgently to the newspaper.

Give this photo too.

- But they're pouring my soup.

- Taxi is waiting! An artist got sick!

ln your age l didn't eat. Take it!

Go! What are you waiting for?

You're a driver for ''The Ultimate

Sausage of Count Barry Kent''?

- Yeah. So what?

- l want a ride.

First to the hotel ''Victoria''.

Wait for me.

l have to eat something finally.

MlLK BAR

- Mashed potatoes with lard.

- No lard today. With jam only.

- All right.

- Miss, could you come over?

- Give me a minute!

- Come back here.

Buckwheat.

Number 78, seat 13, table 3.

What are you digging for?! You're

going to unscrew the plate. Good bye.

Good bye.

Here you have!

- What's your number?

- 78.

Mine is 74 but l went to the loo.

Hey you, watch out!

Horrible boors from all over the world

has gathered here.

Porridge undercooked...

Let's go to the office,

to place this advertisement.

- Sorry, what is this queue for?

- For ''The Ultimate Sausage''.

They won't have anything for me.

What did you come for, ladies?

Because we are so

similar to each other.

All friends in our office

talk about it.

Thank you very much, ladies!

We'll call you.

- They weren't the best.

- Men only...

That's it, only men!

Only men. Sir!

Good morning, good day, hello!

You're asking where l'm from?

l'm jolly Romek!

l live in suburbs in a little hut,

l've got water, electricity and gas!

Soo l'll repeat one more time.

- l'm jolly Romek!

- Take him out!

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