Miss Dial Page #3

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I mean, more like an animator.

I really like to draw like

cartoons and scenes

and stuff, you know.

Yeah, yeah,

you should do that.

Do what you love!

But what if, I don't know,

I'm not good enough?

Yeah, but what if you are?

So, what is the most

embarrassing thing

that's ever happened to you?

God, this is, this is

like you're my therapist.

So, um, what are you wearing?

Eh...

Well, how often do you see them?

Not very often.

My son lives in Omaha now and

my daughter lives in Tucson

with her husband.

Well, what about

the holidays?

Do you get

together then?

We used to, but Bobby lost

his job last spring and

Amy's working two jobs now

to make ends meet.

They can't afford to

take time off to see me.

Maybe you could

go and see them?

I mean, I'm sure a train ticket

to Omaha isn't that much money.

No, it's not the money.

Because I could help you out

if it's just the train ticket.

Oh, sweetie, that's so nice

of you, but the truth is,

they've got their

own lives now.

I don't want

to be a burden.

We talk on the phone,

that's plenty for me.

Really?

Hey, maybe you could

surprise them for Christmas.

No.

It's alright, besides

I've got Bill my Corgi.

Well, it sounds like

Bill is a very lucky dog.

Sweetie.

Like two people could even fit

in that dirty, disgusting space.

Hold on...

Oh sh*t, it's my boss, um,

I've gotta take this call.

It was awesome talking to you.

Yeah, well, you've

got my number,

let's talk again some time.

Okay, great, okay, bye.

This is Erica.

Yes, Mr. Koffsky?

Yeah, what the heck is

going on over there?

Uh, what do you mean?

Uh, your queue is

like a mile long

and it's getting

longer by the minute.

Uh, what? No.

No, no it's not.

My screen is

showing no calls.

I mean, it's been

quiet here.

I was actually gonna call you

to ask if the network was down.

Great.

You're serious, right?

You don't see

all these calls?

No.

Oh wait, look there it goes.

Now it's back online.

I think the system was

offline for some reason.

You know what,

I see the calls now.

Wow, wow, you were right.

Okay, I guess that wasn't your

fault, but I'm glad I called.

Look if, if you think the

network is down again,

then call me

right away, okay?

Okay, you bet,

you bet.

I'm sorry

about that, sir.

You know, by the way, I think

the Consumer Affair Manual's

a little

dumb sometimes.

I mean, yesterday I got a call

from a young girl who was asking

how to use a tampon and the

script told me to ask her

if she was pregnant.

I mean, who wrote

this manual?

Okay then.

Okay, sir, bye.

One more.

One more and then back to work.

Let's call... New York City.

Hello?

Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi, uh, you don't know me

and I'm not selling anything,

I'm not crazy and this

isn't a prank call.

I'm just calling people

today to talk, you know,

I mean, I'm not lonely

or suicidal, I just,

I'm just kind of having fun

connecting with people.

You know, making a connection

with real people.

Um, yeah, so you know

maybe, I don't know,

meet someone new,

make a friend.

What's your name?

Erica.

Kyle.

Kyle.

Hi, Kyle.

Hi, Erica.

So, um, what do you

want to talk about?

Hmm? Like, uh...

Your most embarrassing

secrets, childhood memories,

what's the most famous

movie you've never seen?

How long you been

doing this?

Doing what?

Calling people.

Uh, I don't know,

a couple of hours.

Why?

You think I'm

totally crazy, right?

No, no, actually, I think

it's kind of genius.

So tell me about you.

Uh, me?

What do you

want to know?

I don't know,

what'd you do?

Um, I am a Consumer

Affairs Rep for CPI.

Okay.

It's kind of like,

it's like customer service,

actually all CPI's Consumer

Affairs Reps work freelance

so I actually work out of

my home talking on the phone

to people all day.

Oh, it's all starting

to make sense now.

Yeah.

So, how does that work?

The calls get routed to

your cell or something?

No actually.

It's this whole

complicated network.

The calls come in through

my laptop and then I have

a headset and

everything, so...

Oh... Like the

Time Life operator.

Uh, wait a minute.

How old are you?

What?

No, you know the commercials

with the, they aren't that old!

Those are like from

the '80s or something.

You knew what I meant.

Alright so, um, why does someone

call CPI Consumer Affairs?

Um, okay.

Have you ever noticed how on

like every package of every

product ever made there is

a number, like questions,

comments, complaints,

call 1-800-blah blah -

yeah, that's me.

So they call me and then

I ask them questions about

what product they're calling

about and um, I have,

my computer takes me through

a script so I can deal with

whatever questions

they may have.

Oh. Like what?

I don't know, like, uh,

nutritional information

or a complaint about something

that doesn't taste right

or sometimes like

how to use things.

Oh, okay.

Actually, sometimes I just

get a lot of really

dumb people who call.

Like, this one time this,

yeah, this woman called

and literally wants to know

how to heat up a can of soup

and so I'm asking her

all the questions, right,

and it takes about 20 minutes

before I realize she's actually

put the can in the pot.

The actual can?

The actual can.

So then I have to talk

her into, you know, turning

the stove down, not touching

the can because it's too hot,

so now, that is why everywhere

you see a can, it says,

empty contents

into saucepan.

That's not

a real story.

I swear to God.

No.

So wait, I'm talking to

the empty contents girl?

That's me.

Empty contents girl.

Oh wow.

I am honored.

Well, thank you.

Thank you very much.

Yeah.

So what do you

do for fun?

Um, let's not talk

about me anymore.

Tell me something

about you.

You don't like to talk

about yourself...

That's rare.

No, I don't mind

talking about myself.

But deep down, you're

more of a listener.

Um, yeah, I never really

thought about it that way.

I mean, yeah,

maybe you're right.

Do you actually like, uh,

listening to other people talk

or are you just too guarded

to talk about yourself?

Okay, are you gonna send me

a therapy bill or something?

Just go ahead,

ask me anything.

Okay, well,

what do you like?

I mean, what

makes you tick?

Uh, you mean is Consumer

Affairs my life's ambition?

No. I mean,

I like other things.

Like bungee jumping

and spelunking?

No.

More like watching "Dancing With

The Stars" and eating ice cream.

Ooh, wow, you are

a thrill seeker!

I like exciting

stuff too.

Like what?

I do, I don't know.

What do you do

that's exciting?

Come on.

Lots of things.

Like what?

Like archery.

See now we're

getting somewhere.

Archery.

Yep, actually, I was almost

on the Olympic team.

No! In Beijing?

No, uh, Athens, 2004.

Oh, how cool.

Yeah, I missed making

the team by two points.

Oh, that sucks.

Yeah, well...

So did you, uh, did

you try again in 2008?

No, I mean, it was really

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