Miss Dial Page #4

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something I was doing while

I was in college and afterwards

it was too much of a hassle

to get to

the range so...

So you just,

you gave up?

You make it sound like

I'm a quitter or something.

Like archery was

my life's dream,

I mean, it was

just a hobby.

But you were good at it.

Uh, yeah.

And you liked it?

Yeah... yeah.

You have a boyfriend?

Ah, see, I was wondering

how long it would take

before you got to that.

Come on now, I'm just

trying to communicate

with another

human being.

If we can't be honest

with total strangers,

who can we be

honest with?

Uh, it's complicated.

Uh-oh.

See, now I'm

very interested.

Uh, yes, I have a boyfriend but

I think he's cheating on me.

Go on.

Can we talk about

something else?

What? You don't know me

well enough to talk about

your cheating boyfriend?

My maybe cheating

boyfriend, and no,

no, I don't know you

at all actually.

Okay, well, maybe we can

do something to change that.

Let's see, ah, I gotta

go with "Star Wars. "

"Star Wars" what?

That is the most famous

movie I have never seen.

Are you kidding me?

No.

Who are you?

Everyone has

seen "Star Wars. "

I know, I know,

it's weird.

Maybe I'm just waiting for the

right person to see it with.

Whoa, does that line

actually work for you?

Do you like that?

It didn't work?

That was my best stuff.

Oh, look I gotta go.

I've got like, my queue

is beeping at me

and I have like

I'm probably gonna get fired

when my boss realizes

the network isn't

really down.

Would you call me back?

Uh, I don't know.

I have a whole list of

strangers I haven't called yet.

I got your number on caller ID,

can I... can I call you back?

Okay... Okay.

Okay.

Okay.

Alright, see ya.

Alright, bye.

Bye.

Ah...

Kyle.

Okay.

Welcome to CPI Consumer

Affairs, my name is Erica.

Which one of our

fabulous products

are you calling

about today?

Oh yeah, hi!

I'm just calling about

this shredded cheese

that I just bought.

It says it's limited

edition cheddar.

Uh, that's right.

Our New York Cheddar shredded

cheese is available

for a limited time.

Yeah, but why?

I mean, I really like it and uh,

it's not like I can stock up,

it's cheese, it's not

gonna last forever.

You know, let me check to see

when the New York Cheddar

is available until.

Ah, good news, sir!

The New York Cheddar is

scheduled to be available

until next May.

Yeah, but what

happens after that?

Can I like petition CPI

to continue making

the New York Cheddar?

Uh, well, I can take down your

information and pass the word

onto the people who decide which

cheeses to make and if enough

people call, I'm sure they'll

continue to make it.

Yeah, yeah, okay!

It's worth a shot.

Okay great, so let me

get your information

and we can also send you

a coupon for a free bag

of New York Cheddar

shredded cheese

for providing us with

this valuable feedback.

Oh, okay. Great!

Hey.

What'd he say?

Who?

Hello! Alex.

You were supposed to call me

after you talked to him.

Oh, oh my God.

I'm so sorry,

I forgot.

Well actually, I tried to call

you but I miss dialed and I got

a wrong number and long story

short, I have been talking

to strangers on

the phone all day.

Isn't that what you

sort of do every day?

No.

I mean, yes, but these

are strangers I call.

I mean, I've been meeting

people over the phone.

What's wrong with you?

It's actually

kind of fun.

I'm having real

conversations with them.

Okay, Erica, I'm gonna

need you to focus here.

Did you or did you

not speak to Alex?

Yeah, yeah I did.

He said it was nothing and

that I'm being paranoid.

I'm supposed to go over

to his place tonight.

Are you kidding me?

He said the lunch

was business related.

Sara saw them, it was

not business related.

But what did he

do specifically?

I mean, did he kiss her?

Are you freaking

kidding me right now?

Are you taking his side?

Well, uh, you've obviously

been biased against Alex.

I mean, you've

never liked him.

Do you think I have

some sort of agenda?

I am your best

friend, okay?

I am doing this so that you

could one day possibly be happy.

I know, I'm sorry.

You deserve

someone great.

You are a fabulous human being

and Alex never acknowledged that

and that, my friend, is why

I do not like him and that is

also why you should dump

his sorry, flat ass.

I know, you're right.

I just, I mean, what

if he is cheating? Hmm?

I mean, I dump him

and then what?

I start dating again?

I just don't if I can

do that all over again.

I'd much rather be alone than be

with someone who didn't love me.

Yeah.

Uh, listen I've gotta,

I've gotta take care of

some of these calls.

Uh, I'm seeing him tonight

and I'll see how it goes.

Better not

sleep with him.

Okay, hun, I'll

talk to you later.

And you better call

me right afterwards.

Bye.

Welcome to CPI Consumer

Affairs, my name is Erica.

Which one of our

fabulous products

are you calling about today?

Hi, so here's the story.

I'm walking my dog, Ricky, and

he's got like the loose poops,

you know, not so loose that you

gotta like bring out the hose

or something but loose, right.

Okay.

I'm trying to pick it up and

it's hard because it's loose

and it's like oh, oh, it's kind

of runny, like whatever.

So, oh and by the way,

I'm talking to my girlfriend Amy

and she's just going on and on

and on and on about her sister

who's like a raging b*tch.

She's like ah,

she's a fat cow, blah.

Okay, ma'am, which product

are you calling about?

I'm getting there.

So I'm talking to Amy,

I'm trying to pick up, like,

the loose poops, it's not

working, blah, blah, blah, blah,

uh, my phone falls

in the poo, right.

I'm like, disgusting,

this is insane, only me!

Okay, anyway.

So I go to pick up the phone.

With your hand?

No, not with my hand,

I'm like an animal to you?

No, with the poo bag.

Anyway, so I like take

the phone home, I'm like,

you know, gonna rinse it off,

you know, good as new, right?

Well, the little light comes on

basically saying the warranty

is void because it's come in

contact with water, whatever.

Okay, ma'am, CPI doesn't

manufacture cell phones.

You know what, I'm getting

to the point of my story

and I'm gonna need

you to be quiet.

Sorry ma'am.

Thanks, you're a peach.

Anyway, so I have my phone, I'm

going into the cell phone store

and I'm like, he's gonna give

me a new phone if he sees me,

if he just sees me.

So he's like, um, sorry

ma'am, I cannot help you,

the red light is on,

it's had contact with water,

blah, blah, blah, blah,

and I'm like I know

but you should

give me a new phone.

And he's like, I'm sorry

ma'am, I can't help you.

I'm livid!

Ma'am, I really have

to ask which product

you're calling about.

We have other callers waiting.

I could have sworn

I called Consumer Affairs.

Yes but -

I'm a consumer and I have an

affair that you need to handle.

Can you do your job?

Okay. I'm sorry.

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