Miss Nobody Page #4

Sarah jane, we have mice!

Don't just sit there!

Come and help me catch

the little bastard! On, no!

( indistinct

shrieking )

Aaah! Aaah!

Aah! Aah!

Oh, my god.

St. George!

Uh, no, ma'am,

knight in shining armor.

( swoons )

Oh! Oh, my god.

I completely forgot.

Baby, meet

detective sergeant bill malloy,

Our new boarder.

Um, um, sergeant malloy,

This is my daughter,

sarah jane mckinney.

She's an executive.

Well, sarah jane, it's, uh,

it's very nice to meet you.

Detective sergeant

bill malloy.

Mrs. Detective sergeant

sarah jane mckinney-malloy.

It was as if my dreams

were finally coming true!

I'm not rushing.

And you're flushed.

Why are you flushed?

It's my rouge.

Your rouge? Who

the hell says "rouge"?

Excuse me, sorry.

What's with

all the smirking?

I'm not smirking.

Ach!

I'm not.

Holy sh*t, it's a guy.

Shh. It's not a guy.

Char... It's a guy.

( laughing )

I was like

a fire hydrant.

I-I couldn't shut off.

I was so excited that--

I feel embarrassed

even saying this,

But I felt like

I was gonna faint.

Yeah!

No kidding. Faint.

Anyway, I told charmaine

everything I know

About sergeant

bill malloy.

He was a cop,

but suspended.

He'd gone too far

in this gang-related drug

investigation.

D.A.'s turf, he'd said.

D.A.'s turf?

( cup shatters,

body thuds )

I mean,

how cool is that?

Claire:
Is everything

all right in there?

I'm all right.

Day 30. 20 milligrams.

Increased energy

and coordination.

His captain had

to put him on ice

For a while

to simmer down.

On ice! I mean,

don't you just love it?

Oh...

( triumphant fanfare )

Hi.

Hi.

( fax whirrs, beeps )

Pierre:
Ms. Abatemarco,

I've seen better handwriting

From a dead baboon--

not alive. Dead.

Now, if I were a member

of, say, a state crime lab,

Maybe, maybe, I could

deciphering your scribbling.

But I am not a member

of the state crime lab.

Um, sorry. Mm...

A zib of baila?

No.

Um, ballcock?

Bal-- ballyhock?

No.

Bla-- blaylock?

Mr. Blaylock?

Blaylock.

Blaylock.

Excellent. That was--

that was perfect.

The only problem is

here I needed to speak

To mr. B-b-b-blaylocke

yesterday!

But I couldn't speak

to mr. B-b-b-blaylocke

Yesterday,

because I mistook

Your f***ing message

for a f***ing doodle.

Because no one in

their right f***ing mind

Would ever interpret

your f***ing handwriting

As even remotely linked

To the english

f***ing language!

A few things

about pierre jejeune--

Public relations

was his vehicle

For trading

inside information.

Even the mayor

was in on the action.

And he liked to sample

the secretarial buffet.

Podophilia, it's called.

He also liked to watch.

( moaning )

Billed his late-night

interoffice

Popcorn porno parties

to his expense account.

Get out.

You're fired.

Um, excuse me.

But, uh, charmaine,

l.J.'s moving

To mr. Everwright's desk

next week, so you're hired.

Um, but mr. Jejeune,

he just--

Charmaine. I said...

You're hired.

Now, get your stuff and go.

Okay.

Wow. So, you like

to play games, mckinney.

You think you got

clarity now? Well, fine.

Why don't

you take your...

Frisky little breasts

back to miss wilder's office

And you can conjure up

your little schemes.

But when you're all

by your lonesome,

Remember this--

We're not friends

Anymore.

tra-la-la la-la...

( gasps )

la

When he mentioned

miss wilder and clarity

In the same breath,

I knew he'd sent the fax.

If I learned anything

at judge pharmaceutical,

It's you have to think

three steps ahead.

( chuckles )

Nether, you dirty dog!

Nether and jejeune

had this running gag.

One would give the other

the hottest porn of the week.

Then the recipient

would xerox his naked butt

And leave it on

the other's desk

As a token

of his appreciation.

Ooh.

tra-la-la la-la

la

( confessional divider slides )

I've been bad, father.

Mm. How bad?

Well, let's see.

I have argued

with my mother...

I've been prideful,

vain, unkind,

And I killed a few people.

You killed a few people?

It wasn't

premeditated, though.

Well, maybe sort of?

Does that count?

And these murders,

where did they take place?

In a dream?

Work.

Work.

Mm.

Your boss?

Yes.

And others you've

come in contact with.

Yes.

And because

you don't like them,

Or hate then, even,

It's your fault

that they die.

Yes!

Sarah jane,

you have always had

A very vivid

imagination.

Yes.

Oh, well, um...

How come you

haven't been caught?

St. George.

St. George?

My guardian angel.

Oh.

Father grisham, how else

do you explain

Mr. Perfect

becoming our boarder?

And-- and old mr. Ketchum

progressing so nicely

on clarity?

I mean, don't you see?

There is a pattern.

So, I just figured

that if I came in here

And I cleared the air

a little,

That maybe things

could get back to,

You know,

( whistles ) normal.

Normal.

Well, uh, sarah jane,

this killing business--

When you visualize

the act, does it

relieve stress?

Yes, father.

Yes, it does.

Good. Then...

Continue your course.

( knocking )

And, uh, say ten

hail marys

And get back to me

in a month.

My dad was a cop.

My granddad was a cop.

My granddad's granddad

was a cop.

Yeah. So,

genetically speaking,

We're talking

a long line

Of very

suspicious people.

( chuckles )

Must be doing

something right,

'cause the department

lifted my suspension.

I'm working

homicide now.

Homicide, really?

Yeah. In fact, I was

just handed a case.

One of your, uh,

judge execs,

Pierre jejeune.

Really?

Yeah. Electrocuted

bare-ass on a copier?

( laughing )

( laughs ) you mean

it wasn't an accident?

Well, yeah,

in the movies, maybe.

In real life?

You know, detective,

I get the feeling

that you like to play games.

You're a clever girl,

sarah jane.

I'll give you that.

What else will you give me?

A word.

Checkmate.

I'm sorry, officer,

but checkmate

Has two "c"s in it, not one.

Not tonight,

doll face.

Dorothy!

( dogs barking )

Day 72, 35 milligrams.

Increased motivation.

Decreased inhibition.

He gonna be okay?

Yeah, he does that

all the time.

All right, 'cause

those are my slippers.

I liked bill,

and I think he liked me.

Was he my knight

in shining armor,

Or was he the "check"

in "checkmate"?

With jejeune's old job,

I was now at the center

Of bill's investigation,

But I also had my pardon

from father grisham.

St. George, he always

had my back.

Ah! Our p.R. Princess

hath arrived!

Sarah jane, let me give you

the blow-by-blow

Of the halldice conference.

L.J.!

Um, a) we go

in gangbusters.

High energy.

Lightning in a bottle.

Charmaine, b).

Sarah jane delivers

the powerpoint presentation

and the big spiel.

Mm-hmm, and finally c).

If the fish are biting,

there will be

A perfect lull after

you're done speaking,

At which point I want

you to say nothing,

as in nada!

Let them come to you.

And if they don't bite?

In that case,

there'll be

A much longer,

deadlier silence,

At which point morty

Will hop onto

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