Miss You Already Page #3

who find it the hardest.

Are you ready?

Yeah.

- I look like a leopard.

- What, a leper or a leopard?

Would you like a lock, darling?

Eugh! No.

I agree, absolutely disgusting.

But some people get very sentimental.

(MIRANDA) Thanks, Jess.

It's unfair.

You look so beautiful.

Why thank you, Mum.

Feels quite good.

- Thank you, Jill.

- You look great.

Cheese?

Cheese! I don't want shitty cheese.

Excuse me, who taught you that word?

- What, cheese?

- Yeah, really clever.

He said the "F" ' word the other day.

- Ben!

- Dad laughed.

- Get dressed.

- You're not dressed.

Ben! Mummy's still poorly.

Mum?

Well, fit as a fiddle.

Where's your swim bag? Where's Dad?

- On the phone.

- Kit, I need some help here.

(KIT) I'm on a work call.

The Hong Kong deal.

Are you driving us?

(MILLY) Not today, sweetheart.

Daddy's gonna drop you off.

- Ben put honey all down my T-shirt!

- (MILLY) Ben!

- Kit, can you sort Scarlett's shirt?

- Yes. Sorry, I've got a work crisis.

Then tell Hong Kong Darren that I need you.

Play the cancer card.

I've done that a million times.

I've got a splitting headache.

Oh, poor baby.

Scarlett, just go and get any clean shirt.

I haven't got a clean shirt.

- Oh, of course.

- It's on my list.

Ever heard of multi-tasking?

- Come on, I'll drive.

- (BEN) Yay!

Not bald. Not in the bald hat.

Mum, what if my friends see?

- Would you prefer I wear the sunhat?

- Not the sunhat.

Come on. We paid a fortune for you to go

and splash water at each other. Hurry up!

Piggyback to the car.

Ben.

- I told you mum wasn't better.

- I'm fine. I'll be fine.

You all right?

Go back to bed, I'll drive them.

Why didn't you say you were feeling unwell?

You really don't know women, Dad.

I'm not cooking that again.

That was a bit bland.

- (PHONE RINGS)

- Hi.

'Hello? Milly?'

(MILLY) There should be a person.

Excuse me?

Someone who'll come over

and sort things out. Like...

Gets the shopping in,

gets the kids off to school.

Arranges play dates.

Like a husband?

Sorry, I didn't mean to sh*t on Kit.

Right.

- What about your mum?

- 'Our Miranda'

has very thoughtlessly got herself a job

on some crappy mini-series.

Oh, she got the part

in "Shakespeare's Women".

- Good for her.

- "Shakespeare's Shags" more like.

Yeah, it's good for her.

Not for me.

I have got to sleep.

My white blood cells are twatted.

- I'll call you later?

- Yeah. Bye.

- Everything all right?

- Mm-hmm.

- Where are you going?

- What?

I think I should go over there

for a few days and help out.

Don't you think you've done enough?

We've already put off having the IVF.

She doesn't know that.

And, besides, WE decided

to postpone until after chemo.

You decided.

How much longer

are we gonna put our lives on hold?

Well that's a super attitude, Jago.

Have you even stopped for a second

to think about how Milly feels?

What?

I just want us to have a baby, Jess.

Don't make me into the bastard for that.

Excuse me, please.

OK, fine. I will start treatment.

You can borrow the money

and then go on the rig and pay it back. OK?

Jay!

(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)

You stupid arse-crack.

Sorry. Gonna try one more time.

"He is a dark-skinned gipsy in aspect,

in dress and manners a gentleman."

"Because he has an erect"

"and handsome figure

and rather morose."

What do women see

in those pouty Mr Darcy types?

Darcy?

Heathcliff is a whole

other kettle of man-meat.

Well you can check out this bit of man-meat

as he walks away.

I've gotta go find a doctor.

Sam!

Wow!

Stop it, please.

Don't ask me again. It's no.

Ben, put the car down

and eat some greens.

Why are you just pushing it around?

Eat some of the lettuce.

- (SCARLETT) Mummy!

- Mummy!

- Hey, Mummy.

- Hello.

- Why am I so popular?

- Dad's being mean.

Oh, he is a very mean man,

that's why I married him.

I told Scarlett

she couldn't have her ears pierced.

Jade's got hers done. And Bianca's

getting them done this weekend.

I'm like the only person

in my whole class who doesn't.

So all the boys have got pierced ears?

Felix and Archie have.

I'll think about it over

the summer holidays.

Oh, great.

That's good consistent parenting.

Well, didn't say yes.

How old were you when you had yours done?

- Hmm... can't remember.

- Miranda says you were ten.

- You didn't even tell her.

- Your grandmother is a dirty snitch.

This needs some salt or something.

Mmm. Why don't you take over

and I can go and finish off some work.

Fine. As soon as I vomit

in this salad bowl.

(KIT) Are you OK?

- Shall I grab your pills?

- They don't work.

Vitamin A. I just pureed some vegetables.

So did I. Care to try some?

- I'm not eating that.

- It's natural deodorant, sweetie.

It's made from arrowroot

and shea butter.

Maybe I will have some on toast.

They think that aerosol deodorants

may cause breast cancer.

Oh, and if I use that

it'll make the cancer go away?

(MIRANDA) Ta-dum.

Why have you brought me an outfit

from a 1970's sitcom?

Darling, it's vintage.

To keep Kit interested.

Sex is so important and he's awfully dishy.

Well, I will make sure I do not wear that.

But if that side of things

slides away, then...

Then what?

I've only got myself to blame?

Is that what you're saying?

I'm trying, Milly.

I know, Mum.

(MILLY) Oh!

(WOMAN) Yoo-hoo.

- Nisha. Oh, my God.

- How lovely to see you.

(MILLY) Hi, Cheryl. Thank you.

You are totally brilliant, Sam.

And I hope I never see you again.

The feeling's mutual.

Here, that's for you. Man-meat.

- (BEN) Mum, we made food for you.

- Well, that's very kind of you.

Nutella and crisp sandwiches.

- And we bought you a new mug.

- (SCARLETT) I made tea.

Dad wouldn't let me boil the kettle

so it's hot tap.

Mmm! Tap water tea.

Oh, thank you, children.

I'm not too peckish at the minute, but...

I think Auntie Jess is

and she would love a cup of tea.

- I'll make her one.

- Oh, no, just give her mine.

Ah, Nutella and crisps, you say?

On white bread?

Mmm!

Any... anything to report

on the old baby front?

Well...

We don't have sex any more.

We just attempt to reproduce.

When the basal body temperature

and cervical mucus are aligned, then,

and I mean only then,

am I allowed anywhere near the vagina.

What about you and Milly?

Can she still...?

No.

But she's allowed me to have sex

with other girls whenever I want.

- Very decent of her.

- Yeah.

No, mate.

She only finished

her last round of chemo today.

- I'll at least leave it till the weekend.

- Yeah, give her a few days.

Do you know, it'd probably be easier

if me and you just started having sex.

Do you know how long

I've been waiting for you to say that?

(JESS) "Injectable gonadotropins

regulates the final burst of egg growth."

"Side effects include fatigue,

nausea, bloating."

Great.

Oh!

Oh, look at you.

Like a modern Michelangelo.

- Somebody's been hitting the gym.

- Good to see you.

- You look hot.

- You, too, sweetie.

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