Monkeybone Page #25

Suddenly he notices the COPS marching up with JULIE, O.D. STU and co. in

tow. He freezes, terrified - BACKS AWAY from the BABE -

- and catches a BAT IN THE FACE. Several people rush up to help him as

the COPS consult with the BENEFIT ORGANIZERS...

ORGANIZER:

I don't understand, officer. This is a benefit.

Surely this can wait until -

COP:

Sorry, ma'am...we need to question Mr. Miley on

a most urgent matter.

JULIE:

Stop this. Now. Those dolls have been tampered

with. They're toxic!

O.D. STU comes marching through the crowd. He passes a LIFE-SIZED

DISPLAY of Stanley and Monkeybone...GRABS THE BACKPACK off the Stanley

figure...and proceeds deliberately toward STU-BONE.

O.D. STU

MONKEYBONE...BACK IN THE PACK.

The old command seems to retain its magical power, because STU-BONE

clutches his gut as if stricken at the sound of it.

O.D. STU

I mean it this time. Back in the pack.

STU-BONE bends over - jerks and twitches - becoming more SIMIAN by the

moment as O.D. STU approaches.

STU-BONE

Stu...I can explain...I was sick of being a

figment, see? It's awful being a figment. It's

degrading! And I never really wanted to give

people nightmares. I just told 'em that so

they'd help me get a body.

O.D. STU

Yeah - my body. Back in the pack, you simian

shitbird!

The COPS are tres confused by all this -

COP:

Ma'am, can you give me some idea of what's going

on here?

- but JULIE holds them back so the scene can play itself out. Now STU-

BONE is doing a weird little monkey dance - PLAYING UP to the puzzled

crowd, who laugh and snicker, wondering what to make of all this.

STU-BONE

Laugh, damn you...laugh at the sidekick...the

happy little monkey. He doesn't have any

feelings. He's just a figment of your

immagination!

He turns suddenly - GRABS THE BAT from the puzzled BABE -

STU-BONE

GIMME THAT GODDAM BAT!

He wails on the piñata like Ken Griffey Jr. O.D. STU tries to stop him,

but it's too late - the piñata BURSTS, and hundreds of PURPLE-ASSED

MONKEYBONE DOLLS spill out onto the ground!

An equal number of RABID PARTYGOERS surge forward to scoop them up. The

COPS swing into action, trying to hold the crowd back...

COP:

HE'S GETTING AWAY!

STU-BONE climbs a tree and JUMPS from a branch onto one of the TWIN

JUNGLE TOWERS at the pavilion - begins CLIMBING toward the giant

MONKEYBONE BALLOON moored up above!

O.D. STU sees him - pulls away from JULIE -

O.D. STU

I LOVE YOU!

JULIE:

STU!!

STU-BONE unties the mooring rope and wraps it around his midsection. Now

freed, the balloon LIFTS INTO THE AIR, CARRYING HIM ALOFT!

O.D. STU climbs up the opposite tower as the balloon starts to drift

away. He GRABS HOLD of the MOORING ROPE as it whips past.

And the TEAM OF SURGEONS - who have been combing the grounds in search

of O.D. STU - catch sight of him just as he FLOATS OFF INTO THE AIR, ON

THE END OF THE ROPE!

HEAD SURGEON:

LOOK! IT'S HIM!

EXT. ZOO GROUNDS - ON BALLOON - MOVING

They rise to an altitude of ten or twelve feet. But O.D. STU's

additional weight pulls the balloon back DOWN - and both of them hit the

ground! They have to RUN at top speed just to keep pace with the

balloon!

STU-BONE

Let...go...you...dingleberry...

As he's trying to KICK O.D. STU off the rope, a GUST OF WIND catches the

balloon and LIFTS IT HIGH INTO THE AIR.

For about three seconds. The boys tumble to earth, off-balance, in a

heap, BOUNCING along the pavement. The balloon pulls them over a

WROUGHT-IRON FENCE and drags them through the ALLIGATOR PIT. Giant jaws

snap as the boys glide overhead like bait on a hook.

As the balloon LIFTS UP AGAIN, O.D. STU hauls himself along the length

of the rope.

He gets close enough to GRAB STU-BONE's LEG. STU-BONE reaches down to

push him away...grabs a fistful of DUCT TAPE...

...and RIP! The tape TEARS - exposing the great big GASH in O.D. STU's

midsection! He tries to pull himself together...

EXT. FOOD COURT - THAT MOMENT - LATE AFTERNOON

A SERVER ladles out a cup of PUNCH from a big silver PUNCHBOWL.

Something PINK comes plummeting out of the sky - and the next thing he

knows, the SERVER is DRENCHED!

The SURGEONS come rushing up. They all stick their hands in the

punchbowl at once...fishing out O.D. STU'S KIDNEY!

HEAD SURGEON:

Put it on ice. I think it can still be saved!

One of the TEAM finds an ice cooler full of soft drinks. In it goes.

EXT. TIGER HABITAT - LATE AFTERNOON

BOTH BOYS SCREAM as the balloon drags them perilously close to the RAZOR

WIRE atop a tall storm fence.

They clear it by inches - but they don't have much time to celebrate.

They're dangling over the Bengal Tiger exhibit, and the great cats are

LEAPING INTO THE AIR trying to snag them!

As O.D. STU squirms out of reach, his LIVER drops out...

EXT. GROUNDS - TIGER HABITAT - LATE AFTERNOON

It lands close enough to the FENCE that one of the SURGEONS thinks he

can reach it. He reaches through the bars and sees a pack of BENGAL

TIGERS racing toward him! He manages to grab ONE END of the liver - but

a TIGER gets the other end -

- and it's a TUG-OF-WAR until the tiger BITES the liver in half, sending

the terrified SURGEON sprawling on the pavement outside the bars! The

HEAD SURGEON examines the remaining half-liver...

HEAD SURGEON:

Put it on ice. I think it can still be saved.

ANGLE ON BALLOON

STU-BONE socks O.D. STU hard across the face! He lets go of his incision

...and his SMALL INTESTINE falls out! Since it's still connected at both

ends, the intestine forms a great big LOOP...

EXT. FOOD COURT - SERVING TABLE - LATE AFTERNOON

The SERVER has just brought out a new PUNCHBOWL full of nice clean

punch. He sets it down on the table and is about to ladle out a cupful

when STU flies past overhead. His intestinal LOOP slides across the

table, knocking over glasses, snagging the PUNCHBOWL at its base...

...and YANKING IT right off the table! Bystanding GUESTS are DRENCHED in

punch as the punch bowl FLIES END OVER END...

...and, with the sound of a GONG being struck, BEANS a member of the

SURGICAL TEAM from behind!! Naturally it's the guy who's lugging the ICE

CHEST full of O.D. STU's organs. When the punchbowl strikes, he GOES

DOWN HARD, PITCHING the ice chest...

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