Monster-in-Law Page #5

The slut's practically|fornicating with him!

- Stop it!|- I don't blame her.

That boy's a fine piece of ass.

Hold on, Viola.|He's... stop it! Right here.

Actually, Charlie,|the reason I'm calling

is I wondered if you'd|like to have lunch next week.

- Really?|- How would Tuesday work for you?

Yeah,|Tuesday's perfect!

Listen, Viola, I'm kind of in the middle|of something right now,

um, but Tuesday's fine.

Yeah, me too.

- Lots to do!|- Okay, bye!

Oh.

I'll go get the vodka.

It's good to see you.

There she is.

Charlotte.

Hi. I'm going to have|the garden salad

and the low-cal Chinese dressing|and a decaf iced tea.

- And you, miss?|- Oh, um, I'll just have a...

cheeseburger|with fries and a soda.

- All right.|- Okay.

You continue|to surprise me.

Aren't you worried about fitting|in your wedding dress?

Well, I mean, I'm making the dress|to fit my body,

not the other way|around.

Whoa. I wish I had been|that confident when I got married.

I'll tell you one thing|you're gonna have that I never did,

a stupendous wedding.

And it's important that we|book the church right away.

I always thought|that Kevin looked like Jesus

in the cathedral down|on Second Street. Mmm.

Actually, we were thinking|of having...

a non-denominational|service,

being that I'm more spiritual|than religious.

Oh.

What about my place then?

That way we don't even|need to book a location.

And Kevin was born there|and grew up there.

Oh, it would mean|so much to him. I'll plan it all.

We'll have that marvelous band|that the Swansons' had at their wedding.

And a divine cake.|Oh, honey!

No no no!|Tsk tsk tsk!

Chewing,|it's a disgusting habit.

Oh, hold still.|I've gotta... gotta...

- There! Got it!|- Ow!

Thanks, um...

What do you think|about peach?

- Oh, um, excuse me.|- Yes?

Can I get another salad|without the nuts?

- I have allergies.|- Okay.

I'm allergic to nuts,|and eggs, and shellfish,

and blueberries.|Oh... and soy.

It's amazing you've been able|to nourish yourself all these years.

Oh, yeah!|The cake!

I'm thinking traditional vanilla|with strawberry drizzle.

Look, Viola, I really do|have all of this under control.

I made this for you.

It's your wedding planner book.|Peach.

Oh.

Is that a picture|of me and Kevin?

Oh, and... present time|from your new mama!

Thanks.

Wow!

It's big! You can see|the thorns on the roses.

You'll wear it on your wedding day,|just like I did.

Of course I was|a virgin when I wed.

But we'll just pretend|with you.

Now, about the wedding...

the two of you are going to arrive|in a horse and carriage.

And the driver's top-hat|will match the horse's saddles,

and the ribbons|on the doves

that will be released|at the exact moment

of "I do," hmm?

And I've been in touch|with your bridesmaids.

How do you know|their names?

Well, Kevin told me.|And I think for the honeymoon

St. Bart's is the absolute|best place for you to go

- 'cause Kevin adores it.|- Hey, just hold on!

Just wait|a minute, okay?

No.

Thank you, but no.

Thank you,|but no to everything.

No to the horse|and buggy.

No to the top-hats,|and to the doves and geese

and any other farm animals|you're thinking of using that day.

And definitely no to you|planning our honeymoon.

- What?|- Oh no.

I can... oh!

- Oh oh!|- What's wrong?

- "Oh no" what?|- My pills, my pills!

Okay.|Well, let me help you.

- Oh!|- Viola!

- Oh, no!|- Wait, Viola!

Viola!

Viola!

Oh my God, Viola.|Oh my God!

- Give her some room.|- Help!

- Give her some air.|- My God, is she dead?

- No!|- Get her some help.

It couldn't be|that easy.

She's had|an anxiety attack,

which can feel like|a heart attack.

She's gonna be okay.

But she definitely needs|to take it easy. No stress.

She said that you were|yelling at her,

that you refused her gift|and said she couldn't plan our wedding.

Tell me that's|not true.

Well, technically...

yes.

But, hold on.|I didn't yell at her.

And she just kept pushing|and pushing and pushing.

And, okay, I admit it.|I snapped a little bit. But...

What was I supposed to do?|She wouldn't take no for an answer.

Come on, look, you know|what a hard time she's been having.

- So she's a little difficult.|- Difficult?

A two-year-old|is difficult.

- She's like... ah!|- Come on, she's all alone.

I'm all she's got...|we're all she's got.

Come on.

Excuse me.

I'm Dr. Chamberlain,|the psychiatrist in residence.

- Are you Mrs. Fields's son?|- Yes.

- May we speak in private?|- Actually, this is my fiance.

We can talk.|Um, is she okay?

Well, I just completed your mother's|interview and I'm concerned.

It's possible that she's on the verge|of a psychotic break.

I should probably see her|at least twice a week, minimum.

Also, I prescribed her|some anti-anxiety medication.

If she starts to feel|overwhelmed, they'll relax her.

Does she live alone?

Uh, yeah.

Well, I feel|it would be best

if she were cared for|by relatives...

people that are closest|to her during this time.

Just until we're confident|that she's out of danger.

All right.|Well, thank you, Doctor.

Oh, God.

I've got that|medical conference.

What am I gonna do?

You know what?|Don't... don't worry about it.

Um, I'll take care of her.

Thank you.

- Come on.|- What?

- No, come with me.|- No no, the doctor said no stress.

- Charlie, come on. Enough already.|- I'll stay here. Kevin!

Come on.

I am so sorry.

No, Mom, don't be.|It's okay, really.

Charlie?

I'm sorry too, Viola.

No, I was too pushy.

No.

You weren't.|Look, Viola...

I would love it if you would|help me with the wedding.

It's all right,|sweetheart, l...

I don't really think|I'm up to it.

My nerves are shot.

Mom...

Mom, Charlie and I think|you should live with us for a while,

until you feel better.

Are you sure?

Oh!

Oh, I can't possibly.

- I couldn't.|- Mom, it's okay. Relax.

I couldn't possibly.

Not unless I know|Charlotte's forgiven me.

Will you?

Me?

Yeah, I forgive you.

You just put those|anywhere.

- Hi!|- Hi.

- Are you feeling better?|- I'm much better, thank you.

- Great.|- Sweetheart, I'm kind of thirsty.

- Would you... is the kitchen over there?|- Yeah, sure.

- Great. Goodbye.|- Okay.

- Hey, Charlie.|- Are you moving in, too?

No, I don't like|the neighborhood.

Look, do you have any|firearms in the house?

- No.|- You might want to get one.

When will you be back?

Soon as I can, honey.|I promise.

Are you sure|you're gonna be okay?

Yeah. I mean, hey,|it's only at night, right?

And, I mean, she's gonna|sleep most of the time

with those pills|the doctor gave her. Right?

Look, I know my mom can be|a little challenging.

So if you have any|problems just call me.

I'm on the first flight back,|I promise.

Okay.|Well, hurry home.

And who knows?|By the time I get back,

maybe you two|will be best friends.

Oh, am I interrupting|something?

- Uh, no, Mom, come in.|- The caterer called.

He still thinks|I'm doing the wedding.

He sent over a sample plate|'cause I gave him the colors you wanted.

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