Monster-in-Law Page #5

Synopsis: After years of looking for Mr. Right, Charlotte 'Charlie' Cantilini finally finds the man of her dreams, Kevin Fields, only to discover that his mother, Viola, is the woman of her nightmares. A recently fired news anchor who is afraid she will lose her son the way she has just lost her career, Viola determines to scare off her son's new fiancé by becoming the world's worst mother-in-law. While Viola's long-time assistant Ruby does her best to help Viola execute her crazy schemes, Charlie decides to fight back and the gloves come off as the two women battle it out to see just who is the alpha-female.
Genre: Comedy, Romance
Director(s): Robert Luketic
Production: New Line Cinema
  1 win & 10 nominations.
 
IMDB:
5.5
Metacritic:
31
Rotten Tomatoes:
17%
PG-13
Year:
2005
101 min
$82,820,167
Website
967 Views


The slut's practically|fornicating with him!

- Stop it!|- I don't blame her.

That boy's a fine piece of ass.

Hold on, Viola.|He's... stop it! Right here.

Actually, Charlie,|the reason I'm calling

is I wondered if you'd|like to have lunch next week.

- Really?|- How would Tuesday work for you?

Yeah,|Tuesday's perfect!

Listen, Viola, I'm kind of in the middle|of something right now,

um, but Tuesday's fine.

Yeah, me too.

- Lots to do!|- Okay, bye!

Oh.

I'll go get the vodka.

It's good to see you.

There she is.

Charlotte.

Hi. I'm going to have|the garden salad

and the low-cal Chinese dressing|and a decaf iced tea.

- And you, miss?|- Oh, um, I'll just have a...

cheeseburger|with fries and a soda.

- All right.|- Okay.

You continue|to surprise me.

Aren't you worried about fitting|in your wedding dress?

Well, I mean, I'm making the dress|to fit my body,

not the other way|around.

Whoa. I wish I had been|that confident when I got married.

I'll tell you one thing|you're gonna have that I never did,

a stupendous wedding.

And it's important that we|book the church right away.

I always thought|that Kevin looked like Jesus

in the cathedral down|on Second Street. Mmm.

Actually, we were thinking|of having...

a non-denominational|service,

being that I'm more spiritual|than religious.

Oh.

What about my place then?

That way we don't even|need to book a location.

And Kevin was born there|and grew up there.

Oh, it would mean|so much to him. I'll plan it all.

We'll have that marvelous band|that the Swansons' had at their wedding.

And a divine cake.|Oh, honey!

No no no!|Tsk tsk tsk!

Chewing,|it's a disgusting habit.

Oh, hold still.|I've gotta... gotta...

- There! Got it!|- Ow!

Thanks, um...

What do you think|about peach?

- Oh, um, excuse me.|- Yes?

Can I get another salad|without the nuts?

- I have allergies.|- Okay.

I'm allergic to nuts,|and eggs, and shellfish,

and blueberries.|Oh... and soy.

It's amazing you've been able|to nourish yourself all these years.

Oh, yeah!|The cake!

I'm thinking traditional vanilla|with strawberry drizzle.

Look, Viola, I really do|have all of this under control.

I made this for you.

It's your wedding planner book.|Peach.

Oh.

Is that a picture|of me and Kevin?

Oh, and... present time|from your new mama!

Thanks.

Wow!

It's big! You can see|the thorns on the roses.

You'll wear it on your wedding day,|just like I did.

Of course I was|a virgin when I wed.

But we'll just pretend|with you.

Now, about the wedding...

the two of you are going to arrive|in a horse and carriage.

And the driver's top-hat|will match the horse's saddles,

and the ribbons|on the doves

that will be released|at the exact moment

of "I do," hmm?

And I've been in touch|with your bridesmaids.

How do you know|their names?

Well, Kevin told me.|And I think for the honeymoon

St. Bart's is the absolute|best place for you to go

- 'cause Kevin adores it.|- Hey, just hold on!

Just wait|a minute, okay?

No.

Thank you, but no.

Thank you,|but no to everything.

No to the horse|and buggy.

No to the top-hats,|and to the doves and geese

and any other farm animals|you're thinking of using that day.

And definitely no to you|planning our honeymoon.

- What?|- Oh no.

I can... oh!

- Oh oh!|- What's wrong?

- "Oh no" what?|- My pills, my pills!

Okay.|Well, let me help you.

- Oh!|- Viola!

- Oh, no!|- Wait, Viola!

Viola!

Viola!

Oh my God, Viola.|Oh my God!

- Give her some room.|- Help!

- Give her some air.|- My God, is she dead?

- No!|- Get her some help.

It couldn't be|that easy.

She's had|an anxiety attack,

which can feel like|a heart attack.

She's gonna be okay.

But she definitely needs|to take it easy. No stress.

She said that you were|yelling at her,

that you refused her gift|and said she couldn't plan our wedding.

Tell me that's|not true.

Well, technically...

yes.

But, hold on.|I didn't yell at her.

And she just kept pushing|and pushing and pushing.

And, okay, I admit it.|I snapped a little bit. But...

What was I supposed to do?|She wouldn't take no for an answer.

Come on, look, you know|what a hard time she's been having.

- So she's a little difficult.|- Difficult?

A two-year-old|is difficult.

- She's like... ah!|- Come on, she's all alone.

I'm all she's got...|we're all she's got.

Come on.

Excuse me.

I'm Dr. Chamberlain,|the psychiatrist in residence.

- Are you Mrs. Fields's son?|- Yes.

- May we speak in private?|- Actually, this is my fiance.

We can talk.|Um, is she okay?

Well, I just completed your mother's|interview and I'm concerned.

It's possible that she's on the verge|of a psychotic break.

I should probably see her|at least twice a week, minimum.

Also, I prescribed her|some anti-anxiety medication.

If she starts to feel|overwhelmed, they'll relax her.

Does she live alone?

Uh, yeah.

Well, I feel|it would be best

if she were cared for|by relatives...

people that are closest|to her during this time.

Just until we're confident|that she's out of danger.

All right.|Well, thank you, Doctor.

Oh, God.

I've got that|medical conference.

What am I gonna do?

You know what?|Don't... don't worry about it.

Um, I'll take care of her.

Thank you.

- Come on.|- What?

- No, come with me.|- No no, the doctor said no stress.

- Charlie, come on. Enough already.|- I'll stay here. Kevin!

Come on.

I am so sorry.

No, Mom, don't be.|It's okay, really.

Charlie?

I'm sorry too, Viola.

No, I was too pushy.

No.

You weren't.|Look, Viola...

I would love it if you would|help me with the wedding.

It's all right,|sweetheart, l...

I don't really think|I'm up to it.

My nerves are shot.

Mom...

Mom, Charlie and I think|you should live with us for a while,

until you feel better.

Are you sure?

Oh!

Oh, I can't possibly.

- I couldn't.|- Mom, it's okay. Relax.

I couldn't possibly.

Not unless I know|Charlotte's forgiven me.

Will you?

Me?

Yeah, I forgive you.

You just put those|anywhere.

- Hi!|- Hi.

- Are you feeling better?|- I'm much better, thank you.

- Great.|- Sweetheart, I'm kind of thirsty.

- Would you... is the kitchen over there?|- Yeah, sure.

- Great. Goodbye.|- Okay.

- Hey, Charlie.|- Are you moving in, too?

No, I don't like|the neighborhood.

Look, do you have any|firearms in the house?

- No.|- You might want to get one.

When will you be back?

Soon as I can, honey.|I promise.

Are you sure|you're gonna be okay?

Yeah. I mean, hey,|it's only at night, right?

And, I mean, she's gonna|sleep most of the time

with those pills|the doctor gave her. Right?

Look, I know my mom can be|a little challenging.

So if you have any|problems just call me.

I'm on the first flight back,|I promise.

Okay.|Well, hurry home.

And who knows?|By the time I get back,

maybe you two|will be best friends.

Oh, am I interrupting|something?

- Uh, no, Mom, come in.|- The caterer called.

He still thinks|I'm doing the wedding.

He sent over a sample plate|'cause I gave him the colors you wanted.

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Anya Kochoff

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Submitted on August 05, 2018

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