Monster-in-Law Page #7

I don't know what these are.|But they're definitely not what I take.

They smell like|oranges or something.

- Are you sure?|- Yeah.

Let me see.

Hi, Andy.|It's Charlie.

Now, I'm not working|for Dr. Batel's office this week.

But I had a question.|Yeah, about some pills.

Can I stop by?

Charlie, I'm having|a bit of a bad day,

so Ruby's gonna take me|to see Dr. Chamberlain.

Okay!|You take care!

Let's see|what you're up to.

- There you go.|- Thank you. Thank you so much.

- And thank you.|- Wear that, sister.

Okay, now Cartier|is one right down.

- Where's Niketown?|- What?

- Niketown.|- Niketown?

Bad day, my ass.

Wait a minute.

Dr. Chamberlain?

All right.

Hello?

Hey, Andy.

What are they?

Chewable vitamin Cs, huh?

Okay, thanks.

I know. I can't believe|the wedding's only a week away.

No, we do the final|walk-through on Monday.

Oh! Wait a minute.|I think I hear her car.

Drop my stuff|at my house, okay?

All right.|Look crazy.

Charlie!

Ch-ch-ch...

Ch-ch-ahh...|Charlie!

Oh, I had to bring him|home with me today.

He's harmless.

Sit. No!

No. No.

No, Zorro! Sit!

Is that expensive?

It was.

Sorry!

Oh!

Charlie!

Bonus.

Good boy.|Come on.

Come on.

Mmm.

Hello, old friend.

Viola!

You can't mix alcohol|with your pills!

I'm a little upset

as you can imagine.

Well, I know that

and I'm sorry,|but your doctor said

if you're feeling upset

that you should take|your pills, not alcohol.

So you relax.|I'll get them.

Sh*t.

Here we go.

This will make|you feel better.

Drink up.

Now I hope you like|what I made.

It's one of my mother's|specialties.

- What's that?|- Tripe.

It's a delicacy.

Try it.

It's like nothing|you've ever tasted.

Trust me.

So Kevin called.

He's coming home tomorrow.|I can't wait.

I'm so excited.|I miss him so much.

I was thinking maybe the three of us|could go to lunch tomorrow.

What do you think?

Yeah, I think it's|a great idea too.

I'll make reservations.

It'll be so much fun.

Don't you just love|being girlfriends?

Night-night,|sleep tight.

And good morning|to you too.

- Ruby, is that you?|- In here!

Oh my God.|Is she all right?

I thought she went|to bed.

I don't know.|I haven't seen her like this

since "The View"|won an Emmy.

I wish I could stay|and help

but I've got to go|pick up Kevin at the airport.

What?

I underestimated you.

You don't need a gun.

I don't know|what you're talking about.

Mm-hm.

Last call!

We'll see you|tomorrow night.

Uh, there's a reservation|under Fields, Kevin.

Yes, right this way.

I'm so glad my mom and you|had a great week.

We did. I learned|a lot about her.

So who's|the mystery guest?

Oh, surprise!

I thought your office|said we were having lunch alone.

Well, I hope you guys|forgive me. I just...

I wanted to talk|to you and Kevin together.

So how are you, Mom?

Fine.

Though I did have|a rather difficult night.

Ooh, it was probably|that martini you had.

Mom, you're not supposed|to be drink alcohol

with those pills|you're taking.

You know, the truth is

I owe you an apology.

You know, I was so insensitive|to your feelings

about wanting to help|with the wedding.

Oh, it's ancient history.

A young bride doesn't want to hear|the opinions of an old widow.

No no,|that is not true.

I mean, you're going|to be my mom soon.

And a grandma shortly|after, hopefully.

And I want you to know|that I will do anything it takes

to make this|relationship work.

That said...

will you be my maid...

I mean, my matron|of honor?

Charlie, that's...|that's amazing.

- Mom, what do you say?|- But, uh...

Morgan is gonna be|your maid of honor.

Oh no, she has graciously|relinquished her title to you.

And I had this|specially made up.

A dress in your|favorite color... peach.

- Come on, open it.|- Well, that's...

Char... ah.

I-I don't think I can.

Mom, I think|it's a great idea.

I just don't think|I'm up to it.

I really don't. I've got|to talk to my doctor.

Oh, I called him.|Yeah!

And he said he thought|it was a great idea.

- You called my psychiatrist?|- Mm-hmm.

In fact, we had lunch|at The lvy.

Well, anyway...

he said, considering|this turning point in your life,

you know, losing|so much so suddenly,

that being involved|in the future

would be the best therapy|in the world for you right now.

Careful. You know|those are strong.

You know, we...|are your future.

And we want you|to be part of it.

I can have a list of duties|for you tomorrow.

No.

M-mom... no, Mom.

Mom, don't cry.

Here.

Charlie.

I didn't think|I would be this emotional.

Mom, here.|Can I?

Oh, oh!

Oh, thank you, baby.|I love you.

- I love you too.|- I love you too!

I love you too, Mom.

Kevin, you know what? Why don't you|give your mom and I a moment alone?

Yes, of course.

Just so you know,|the crying bits are getting old.

Just so you know,|Kevin likes his girls thin.

Oh! Well,|I can always get liposuction.

I've been meaning to ask.|Is it painful?

That maid of honor bit.

Priceless!

You know what they say? Keep your|friends close, keep your enemies closer.

- Oh!|- Now you listen to me.

This is my game now.

You are going to tell Kevin that you|are not moving into our neighborhood,

and that you've decided|that you're feeling like it's time

that you go on|with your own life!

You're moving out|of our house immediately.

This is over!

Oh!

This isn't over,|not even close, girlie!

Well, bring it on,|Grandma.

That little b*tch!

Let's go someplace near|the ocean and drink lunch.

What?

You know exactly what.

Move!

Move! Move!

What's wrong with you?

I am sick.|I am sick sick sick of your sh*t.

And I when I'm not sick,|I'm tired.

I am sick and tired.

What are you saying?

Damn you|and your luggage!

Ruby, you're not going|to leave me too, are you?

No, I'm not leaving you!

You old slut!

Ruby!

- Ruby, please...|- Hey, you almost forgot your dress!

You'll have nothing|to wear to the wedding.

See you, Ruby!

Maybe we can get you|a matching bonnet.

See you|at the rehearsal dinner!

Motherf...!

So, how's the bride-to-be|holding up?

Ooh, under the circumstances|I'd say mediocre. But she's tough.

Not as tough|as the old bird.

- What does that mean?|- For your own safety,

make sure you know where|the emergency exits are at all times.

Hey, are you|and my mom okay?

Great. Yeah, I just have a little|of the pre-wedding nerves,

but everything's|under control.

Of course.

Hello, everyone!

Welcome|to the rehearsal dinner.

- My God, she looks amazing.|- I know.

Oh!

Father Tyson.

Hello, Blaire.

Kit, how are you?

Hello, hello.

- Oh, you are Morgan.|- Yes.

I have heard so much about your delicious|catering service.

Oh! Oh, wow!

I have a lot of friends.|You're going to be a busy girl.

- And you're Remy.|- Yeah.

I recognize you from all the wonderful|things Charlie's told me about you.

Wow. Well, Ms. Fields,|I have to say...

- Oh, call me Viola. Please, I insist.|- Viola.

- All right, I'm gonna go get a drink.|- Okay.

I'm such a huge fan.

- Oh, you...|- Oh, l...

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