Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl Page #5

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INTERNATIONAL PHILOSOPHY

GERMANY:

vs.

GREECE:

Man:
Good afternoon, and welcome to a packed Olympic stadium in Munchen for the second leg of this exciting final. And

here comes the Germans now, led by their skipper "Lobby" Hegel. They must truly be favorites this afternoon. They've

certainly attracted the most attention from the press with their team problems. And let's now see their line-up :

DEUTSCHLAND:

1 LEIBNIZ

2 I.KANT

3 HEGEL

4 SCHOPENHAUER

5 SCHELLING

6 BECKENBAUER

7 JASPERS

8 SCHLEGEL

9 WITTGENSTEIN

10 NIETZSCHE

11 HEIDEGGER

Man:
The Germans playing 4-2-4, Leibniz in goal, back four Kant, Hegel, Schopenhauer, and Schelling, front runners Schlegel,

Wittgenstein, Nietzsche, and Heidegger, and the midfield duo of Beckenbauer and Jaspers. Beckenbauer obviously a bit of a

surprise there. And here come the Greeks, led off by their veteran centerhalf Herakleitos. Let's look at their team :

GRIECHENLAND:

1 PLATO

2 EPIKTET

3 ARISTOTELES

4 SOPHOKLES

5 EMPEDOKLES VON ACRAGA

6 PLOTIN

7 EPIKUR

8 HERAKLIT

9 DERAKLIT

10 SOKRATES

11 ARKIMEDES

Man:
As it's expected it's a much more defensive line-up. Plato's in goal, Socrates is a front runner there, and Aristotle as

sweeper. Aristotle, very much the man in form. One surprise is the inclusion of Archimedes. Well, here comes the referee:

Con-Fu-Cu, Confucius and his two linesmen, St. Augustian and St. Thomas Acquinus. And as the two skippers come

together to shake hands we're ready for the start of this very exciting final.. The referee, Mr. Confucius, checks his hand...

Referee's Whistle: [Whistle]

Man:
...and...they're off! Nietzsche and Hegel there, old Jaspers ---- on the outside, Wittgenstein there with him, there's

Beckenbauer, Schelling there, Heidegger covering, Schopenhauer, and now it's the Greeks. Epikuros, we find him number six,

Aristotle, Empedokles and Deraklites, and Demokrites with him, there's Archimedes, Socrates, there he is, Socrates, Socrates

there going through...there's the ball, there's the ball. We'll be bringing you back to this exciting contest the moment anything

interesting happens.

GERMANY 0GREECE 0

Eric Idle:
Very fussable, isn't it? Very fussable.

All:
Right, all right.

Graham Chapman:
Good glass of Ch�teau de Chasselas, ain't just that, sire?

Terry Jones:
Oh, you're right there, Obadiah.

Graham Chapman:
Right.

Eric Idle:
Who would have thought, thirty years ago, we'd all be sitting here drinking Chateau de Chaselet, eh?

All:
Aye, aye.

Michael Palin:
Them days we were glad to have the price of a cup of tea.

Graham Chapman:
Right! A cup of cold tea!

Michael Palin:
Right!

Eric Idle:
Without milk or sugar!

Terry Jones:
Or tea!

Michael Palin:
In a cracked cup and all.

Eric Idle:
Oh, we never used to have a cup! We used to have to drink out of a rolled-up newspaper!

Graham Chapman:
The best we could manage was to suck on a piece of damp cloth.

Terry Jones:
But you know, we were happy in those days, although we were poor.

Michael Palin:
Because we were poor!

Terry Jones:
Right!

Michael Palin:
My old dad used to say to me: "Money doesn't bring you happiness, son!"

Eric Idle:
He was right!

Michael Palin:
Right!

Eric Idle:
I was happier then and I had nothing! We used to live in this tiny old tumbled-down house with great big holes in

the roof.

Graham Chapman:
House! You were lucky to live in a house! We used to live in one room, all twentysix of us, no furniture,

half the floor was missing, we were all huddled together in one corner for fear of falling.

Terry Jones:
You were lucky to have a room! We used to have to live in the corridor!

Michael Palin:
Oh, we used to dream of living in a corridor! Would have been a palace to us! We used to live in an old

watertank on a rubbish tip. We'd all woke up every morning by having a load of rotten fish dumped all over us! House, huh!

Eric Idle:
Well, when I say a house, it was just a hole in the ground, covered by a sheet of tarpaulin, but it was a house to us!

Graham Chapman:
We were evicted from our hole in the ground. We had to go and live in a lake!

Terry Jones:
You were lucky to have a lake! There were 150 of us living in a shoebox in the middle of the road!

Michael Palin:
A cardboard box?

Terry Jones:
Aye!

Michael Palin:
You were lucky! We lived for three months in a rolled-up newspaper in a septic tank! We used to have to go

up every morning, at six o'clock and clean the newspaper, go to work down the mill, fourteen hours a day, week in, week out,

for six pence a week, and when we got home, our dad would slash us to sleep with his belt!

Graham Chapman:
Luxury! We used to have to get up out of the lake at three o'clock in the morning, clean the lake, eat a

handful of hot grubble, work twenty hours a day at mill, for two pence a month, come home, and dad would beat us around

the head and neck with a broken bottle, if we were lucky!

Terry Jones:
Well, of course, we had it tough! We used to have to get up out of the shoebox in the middle of the night, and

lick the road clean with our tongues! We had to eat half a handful of freezing cold grubble, work twenty-four hours a day at

mill for four pence every six years, and when we got home, our dad would slice us in two with a breadknife!

Eric Idle:
Right! I had to get up in the morning, at ten o'clock at night, half an hour before I went to bed, eat a lump of cold

poison, work twenty-nine hours a day down mill and pay millowner for permission to come to work, and when we got home,

our dad would kill us and dance about on our graves, singing Hallelujah!

Michael Palin:
Aah. Are you trying to tell the young people of today that, and they won't believe you!

All:
No, no they won't!

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