Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl Page #6
- R
- Year:
- 1982
- 77 min
- 436 Views
SPORTS UPDATE:
Man:
Well, there may be no score, but there's certainly no lack of excitement here, as you can see, Nietzsche has just beenbooked for arguing with the referee. He accused Confucius of having no free will, and Confucius he say name going book, and
this is Nietszche's third booking in four games.
Whistle:
[Phuiiih]Man:
And, oh, that is Karl Marx. Karl Marx is warming up, it looks as if it is going to be a substitution on the German side.Obviously manager Martin Luther has decided on all-out attack and indeed he must, with only two minutes of the match to
go. But the big question is: Who is going to be replaced? Who is gonna come off? It could be Jaspers, Hegel or Schopenhauer.
But it's Wittgenstein! Wittgenstein ---- only last week! And here's Marx! Let's see if he can put some light in this German
attack. Evidently not. What a shame. Well, now, with just over a minute left, replay on Tuesday looks absolutely vital.
There's Archimedes, and I think he's had an idea!
Archimedes:
Heureka!Man:
Archimedes out to Socrates, Socrates back to Archimedes, Archimedes out to Herakleitos, he beat Hegel, Herakleitos isa little flick, here comes on the bardboard Socrates, Socrates is there! It is in! The Greeks are going... the Greeks are going
mad! The Greeks are going there, Socrates scores, beautiful----the Germans are disputing it! Hegel is arguing that reality is
merely a ---- ethics, Kant by the categoric imperative is holding that ultimologically possessed only in the imagination and
Marx is claiming it was off-side! But Confucius blows the final whistle...it's all over! Germany, having chanced England's
famous midfield trio Vincent, Mogalov in the semifinal, have been beaten by the odd goal! And that's it again! There it is,
Socrates, Socrates heads it in, and Leibniz somehow has no chance! And just look at those delighted Greeks! There they are,
chopper Sokrates, Empedokles, and Deraklites! What a game here! And Epikuros is there, and Sokrates, the captain who
scored what must probably be the most important goal of his career!
Customer's finger pressing the secretary's breast nipple as if it were a bell: [Buzz]
Secretary:
Ooh! Good afternoon, sir. May I help you?Customer:
Yes, I'd like to have an argument, please.Secretary:
Certainly, sir. Uhm, have you been here before?Customer:
Ah, no, this is my first time.Secretary:
I see. Well, do you want to have just one argument or were you thinking of taking a course?Customer:
Well, uh, what is the cost?Secretary:
Yes, it's one pound for a five-minute argument, but only eight pounds for a course of ten.Customer:
Well, I think I'll just try the one and see how it goes from there.Secretary:
Fine. Ah, yes, try Mr. Barnard, Room 12.Customer:
Thank you very much.Mr. Barnard:
What do you want?Customer:
Well, I just was...Mr. Barnard:
Don't give me that, you snorty-faced pair of parrot droppings! Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your typemake me puke, you vacuous ---- stuffing old malodrious pervert!
Customer:
Listen, I came here for an argument!Mr. Barnard:
Oh, oh, I'm sorry, but this is Abuse!Customer:
Oh, oh, I see!Mr. Barnard:
Hahaha!Customer:
Terribly sorry.Mr. Barnard:
No, you want Room 12A, next door.Customer:
Oh, I see. Thank you very much.Mr. Barnard:
Not at all.Customer:
Uhuh!Mr. Barnard:
Stupid git...Customer:
Uh, is this the right room for an argument?Argumentator:
I told you once.Customer:
Uh, no, you haven't.Argumentator:
Yes, I have.Customer:
When?Argumentator:
Just now.Customer:
No, you didn't.Argumentator:
Yes, I did.Customer:
You didn't!Argumentator:
I did.Customer:
No, you didn't!Argumentator:
I'm telling you I did!Customer:
You most certainly did not!Argumentator:
Ah, wait a moment, is this the five-minute argument or the full half hour?Customer:
Oh, oh, I see. Just the five-minute.Argumentator:
Just the five minutes... Right, thank you. Anyway, I did.Customer:
Oh, no, you didn't.Argumentator:
Now let's get one thing absolutely clear. I most definitely told you.Customer:
No, you didn't.Argumentator:
Yes, I did.Customer:
No, you didn't.Argumentator:
Yes, I did.Customer:
No, you didn't.Argumentator:
Yes, I did.Customer:
No, you didn't.Argumentator:
Yes, I did.Customer:
No, you didn't.Argumentator:
Yes, I did.Customer:
No, you didn't.Argumentator:
Yes, I did.Customer:
No, you didn't.Argumentator:
Yes, I did.Customer:
No, you didn't.Argumentator:
Yes, I did.Customer:
No, you didn't.Argumentator:
Yes, I did.Customer:
No, you didn't.Argumentator:
Yes, I did.Customer:
Oh, look, this isn't an argument!Argumentator:
Yes, it is!Customer:
No, it isn't! It's just contradiction!Argumentator:
No, it isn't!Customer:
It is!Argumentator:
It is not!Customer:
It is! You just contradicted me!Argumentator:
I did not!Customer:
You did!Argumentator:
No, no, no!Customer:
You did just that!Argumentator:
Nonsense!Customer:
Oh, this is futile!Argumentator:
No, it isn't.Customer:
Yes, it is. I came here for a good argument.Argumentator:
No, you didn't. You came here for an argument.Customer:
Yes, but an argument isn't just contradiction!Argumentator:
Well, can be.Customer:
No, an argument is a connected series of statements intended to establish a proposition.Argumentator:
No, it isn't!Customer:
Yes, it is! It isn't just contradiction!Argumentator:
Look, if I argue with you, I must take a contrary position.Customer:
Yes, but that isn't just saying "No, it isn't!"Argumentator:
Yes, it is!Customer:
No, it isn't!Argumentator:
Yes, it is!Customer:
No, it isn't!Argumentator:
Yes, it is!Customer:
No, it isn't!Argumentator:
Yes, it is!Customer:
No, it isn't!Argumentator:
Yes, it is!Customer:
Argument is an intellectual process. Contradiction is just a automatic gain-say of anything the other person says!Argumentator:
It is not!Customer:
It is!Argumentator:
Not at all!Customer:
Now look...Bell:
[Pling]Argumentator:
Thank you! Good morning!Customer:
What?Argumentator:
That's it! Good morning!Customer:
I was just getting interested!Argumentator:
Uh, I'm sorry, the five minutes is up!Customer:
That was never five minutes, just now!Argumentator:
I'm afraid it was.Customer:
Oh, no, it wasn't.Argumentator:
I'm sorry, I'm...I'm not allowed to argue anymore.Customer:
What?Argumentator:
If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minute.Customer:
But that was never five minutes, just now!Argumentator:
[Whistle]Customer:
Oh, come on! Oh, this is ridiculous!Argumentator:
If you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes!Customer:
Oh, all right. Here you are.Argumentator:
Thank you.Customer:
Well?Argumentator:
Well what?Customer:
That was never five minutes, just now!Argumentator:
I told you, if you want me to go on arguing, you'll have to pay for another five minutes.Customer:
Yes, yes, well, I've just paid!Argumentator:
No, you didn't!Customer:
I did!Argumentator:
You did not!Customer:
I did!Argumentator:
You never...Customer:
I did!Argumentator:
You never...Customer:
I did!Argumentator:
You never...Customer:
I did!Argumentator:
You never...Customer:
I did!Argumentator:
You never...Customer:
Oh, what are we even arguing about!Argumentator:
Well, I'm very sorry, but you didn't pay!Customer:
Aha! But if I didn't pay, why are you arguing? Ahaaa! Got you!Argumentator:
No, you haven't.Customer:
Yes, I have. If, you're arguing, I must have paid.Argumentator:
Not necessarily. I could be arguing in my spare time.Customer:
Oh, I've had enough of this!Argumentator:
No, you haven't!Customer:
Yes, I have!Argumentator:
No, you haven't!Customer:
Yes, I have!Argumentator:
No, you haven't!Customer:
Yes, I have!Argumentator:
No, you haven't!Customer:
Yes, I have!Argumentator:
No, you haven't!Customer:
Yes, I have!Argumentator:
No, you haven't!Customer:
Yes, I have!Argumentator:
No, you haven't!Customer:
Yes, I have!Argumentator:
No, you haven't!Customer:
Yes, I have!Argumentator:
No, you haven't!Customer:
Yes, I have!Argumentator:
No, you haven't!Fat Man:
Whoa!
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"Monty Python Live at the Hollywood Bowl" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 1 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/monty_python_live_at_the_hollywood_bowl_909>.
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