Moscow On The Hudson Page #5

I respect your new life.

Thanks.

But I do desire you in a big way.

Likewise.

I take FDR. Drive, sir, to beat the traffic.

Whatever you say.

This is my first trip to NYC.

You relax, sir.

There's Perrier in the side bar.

TV is working.

I think General Hospital is on.

- What time is it, by the way?

- 12:
00 in five minutes.

I had my damn watch stolen

out at the airport last night.

Really? That's a b*tch.

Went into the washroom,

took my Rollie off, set her on the basin...

...stepped back

to shake the dew off my lily...

...turned around,

and she was gone like that.

- I'd like you to check this out.

- What's that?

It's a digital. It's Japanese.

Touch gives you heartbeat

and body temperature.

- What part of Texas are you from?

- The East Village, sir. Seventh Street.

You sound further away than that.

I have a fountain pen with an alarm clock

built in. Check this out.

You've got your hand on the bucket

and you're headed toward the well.

I also sell vitamins. Look at this.

"True Nature." It's a six-pack of health.

It's great for your sex life.

Gives you the dick of death.

I'd like to trade me some flat

for some round.

Pluck one of them long-stemmed

American beauties.

A little shaky pudding.

But get me to my hotel on time.

Just relax, sir. I give you great limo.

- I liked E.T. better.

- I think it was decadent.

I think it was fun and sexy.

It was childish.

It had no point of view, no moral content.

On the Lucia Lombardo scale of one to ten,

I give it a seven.

- You're reviewing film for the masses?

- No, but it's a fantasy.

You want fantasy, let's go to my place.

I can't. I have to study.

I have a class tomorrow.

- All she does is go to classes.

- Don't get possessive, okay?

I think I'm going to go back in

and see the movie.

I understand your liberation,

but what will you do with these classes?

I can do anything. This is America.

Let me know if you find something for me.

You make a mountain out of mothballs.

All I said was let's go.

- Yeah, because you want sex.

- Why not? Sex is good for you.

I'll see you sex fiends later.

- See you.

- 'Bye.

No, just let go.

- God.

- I'm sorry.

- You're not my boss.

- You're right.

- This can only work if we are equal.

- I agree.

If all Russians could eat Mu Shu Pork,

they wouldn't be afraid of the Chinese.

Tell me,

are all the Russians as funny as you?

You have beautiful lamb chops.

Did anyone ever tell you that?

Yes.

You're happy all the time?

Sometimes, in the middle of the night,

I sit up and wonder where I am.

In Russia, you do that all day long.

You want to help me study?

What is the date

of the Declaration of Independence?

July 4, 1776.

What did

the Declaration of Independence say?

That all men are created equal...

...and that they are given

certain rights inalienable.

Inalienable.

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

Stop it now. Help me study.

Be cool.

What is the Bill of Rights?

The Bill of Rights...

...is the first ten amendments

of the Constitution.

Freedom of religion, of speech.

Freedom of peaceful assembly.

Freedom of the press.

Freedom of holding meetings.

Freedom of...

...sex.

The right to arm bears.

Unreasonable search.

Vlad, this is Lucia's Uncle Sal.

Lucia told me about you.

Likewise.

This is my mama and my wife.

How do you do, Mother?

That is my wife. This is my mama.

All rise for the Honorable Judge

Louise R. Reynolds.

You may sit.

Ladies and gentlemen, good morning.

Today you will become citizens

of the United States of America.

No longer are you an Englishman,

Italian, or Pole, or whatever.

Neither will you be

a hyphenated American.

From this day, you are no longer a subject

of a government...

...but an integral part of the government.

A free man.

May you find in this nation...

...the fulfillment of your dreams

of peace and security...

...and may America, in turn,

never find you wanting...

...in your new proud role

of citizen of the United States.

Will the petitioners please rise?

Now, let us take the oath of allegiance.

"I hereby declare, on oath...

"...that I absolutely and entirely renounce...

"...all allegiance and fidelity...

"...to any foreign prince or potentate...

"...that I will support and defend

the Constitution and laws...

"...of the United States of America...

"...against all enemies.

"I take this obligation freely...

"...without any mental reservation...

"...or purpose of evasion...

"...so help me God."

Congratulations, citizens.

A wonderful day, I think.

- You have period today?

- No, why?

- You're so serious.

- It was an emotional day.

I'm just tired.

Goddamn it!

What? I'm sorry. I can't help myself.

- Nightcap?

- No.

What's the matter?

You don't like a man being crazy

for your sweet zhopka?

- Not with my Uncle Sal around.

- Uncle Sal is sleeping.

Why doesn't he like Russians?

He thinks you're a Communist.

You know what I think?

I think we should move in together.

I think you should live with me.

That way we save on rent, utilities.

You don't have to take the "A" train

to make love with me.

- What do you think?

- I don't feel like talking now.

You don't have to talk.

Just tell me what you think.

Haven't you ever felt like not talking

about something?

In Russia that's permanent way of life.

Just give me some vodka.

You don't care for me?

- That's the problem.

- Problem, why?

I think I care too much.

Come here.

You know how much I love you?

Don't! It makes it worse.

- Just leave off of me.

- What?

I have worked, okay?

I have worked and struggled

to make myself an American.

An American!

I want to be in love with someone

who fits with my...

Okay. Now I understand.

I'm not Robert Redford. Okay.

- I didn't mean it that way.

- What the hell do you mean?

Don't you understand? It's too fast.

I'm not ready for this. I don't want this.

I'm not ready for full-time love yet.

That's fine. I don't love you.

What do you mean, you don't love me?

Yes, you do love me!

You are big American.

Okay, congratulations, citizen!

Communist Pope killer!

There goes the neighborhood.

Let me tell you, she's not the only piece

of pasta on the menu...

...so you have to make a move

for something else.

Be difficult?

Hello, sweet thing.

Don't turn up your nose, honey,

it blocks the light.

Come on, Vlad, we're already here.

Let's go.

It's time to make a move.

Hello, sweet thing.

Don't turn up your light to me,

it blocks the nose.

Vodka? Double.

I can't do this. That's Wild Bill Hawthorn.

I got a surprise for you tonight.

I found out from a friend of mine

that we have a musician, a Russian.

His name is Vladimir Ivanoff.

A nice round for Ivanoff.

- Welcome aboard.

- Thank you, sir.

I played over in the Soviet Union in 1964.

Yeah, I know.

Do you know the song or blues to Yolanda?

Why don't you sit in with us on it?

I got smoked, man.

You didn't get smoked.

What did you expect from the man?

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