Movie 43 Page #4

It's your HPV, Veronica.

I'm just carrying it.

Let's not have another

chicken or the egg debate, Neil.

No, let's. Chicken.

- Egg. Egg.

- Chicken. Chicken.

- (INTERCOM) Egg. Egg.

- (INTERCOM) Chicken. Chicken.

- Egg. Egg.

- Chicken.

Your flesh, slick with cocoa butter...

...it haunts me.

- How's Veronica?

- Veronica's fine, Veronica.

I can't believe

you named your dog Veronica.

I can't believe you sucked off

that hobo for magic beans.

He was a wizard, Neil.

Shh!

I wanna be on you...

(INTERCOM)... in you...

(EXHALING)

I wanna be all...

...over your chin.

Do you still like crme brle?

Do you still like

fingers in your butthole?

You know the answer is yes.

- Neil.

- Veronica.

- Neil.

- Veronica.

I wanna get over you.

I wanna give you a hickey

on your vagina.

You already have, Neil.

You already have.

- I'll see you in church.

- (ECHOING) Not if I see you fi...

May I?

I'm no Romeo, folks,

but I know what love is.

It's an over the Chinos rub and tug

during your first AA meeting.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

And, if I was in your shoes,

I would climb

Dick mountain mouth first

just to get her back!

PATRON:
Yes, sir!

Are we gonna let that foxy little thing

run willy-nilly out of this boy's life?

ALL:
No!

Are we gonna help this youngster

take that sweet ass to Pound Town?

- ALL:
Yeah!

- When's your shift done?

- Five a.m.

- WOMAN:
I'll take it till three.

- I got three to five.

- Thank you.

Shh...

Don't be a b*tch about it.

- Go get her, son!

- (CHEERING)

(UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING)

It's not as exciting as you might think.

It's, um...

For me, I like to say, it's more

about just, like, helping people.

You know, it's not about

punishing criminals...

Right. Yeah. I totally understand.

It's makes you feel good...

- Robin! Robin!

- Oh, no.

Hey! Where you been?

Hi. How you doing?

You missed your meeting

with your parole officer.

- Parole officer?

- Hm? No.

Yeah, this guy got into

some trouble a while back

for whipping out his little dick,

Grayson, on a playground.

- No, I didn't.

- But it's all good.

- I mean, your wife forgave you, right?

- What?

- You're married?

- No!

- Married pervert.

- No, I'm not!

- Stacey, I'm not married. He's kidding.

- Oh, man. Dodged that bullet, huh?

What the hell are

you doing here, Batman?

- You're gonna ruin this.

- Calm down.

Hey, look, I read on Twitter

that a super-villain is going to bomb

this loser meet and greet.

So I'm here to save the day,

like I do all the time.

You know, it's my thing. I'm the Batman.

Baloney. You're here to ruin my chances

with women, like you do all the time.

No way, brother! No way!

I'm in support of this.

You get one more speed date, OK?

- Then we gotta find that bomb.

- Ah, this sucks.

(DINGING)

A little tip. Less boy, more wonder.

- All right?

- That's very clever.

- Dazzle them.

- Yeah, OK. Thanks.

- Hi.

- Oh, hi.

- Lois. Lois Lane.

- Yes.

No, I know, I've... It's me, Robin.

We've met several times.

- Robin what?

- Robin.

That's it. I helped

save you from Lex Luthor.

(CHUCKLES) Sorry.

You were like "I'll never forget this

as long as I live."

- Sorry again.

- Oh.

- I thought you were dating Superman.

- No, no.

- We broke up about six months ago.

- I didn't know that.

- He's been stalking me ever since.

- Really?

Hm-mm. Last night, I look out

my bedroom window and there he is.

He's just floating there, just stroking

that nasty little curl and masturbating.

- (SNORTS)

- Blew his wad all over my window!

- He broke the window!

- The... from the...

His jizz is like a shotgun blast!

You know that shiny stuff in his hair?

It's not hair gel.

Na, na, na, na, na, na, na!

(LAUGHING)

- Lois! Oh, my God!

- Oh no!

- Nice to see you!

- Nice to be seen.

- Oh, my goodness. Shh.

- We're in the middle...

- Do you know each other?

- We work together.

- How's Superman? Huh?

- Uh...

I'm gonna give him a call right now...

- No! Don't do that!

- No!

- No, I'm gonna do it.

- Batman, don't. Please.

It's already ringing.

Hey, Supes! What's up, brother?

It's the Dark Knight.

Hey, man. I was just thinking about you,

here, 'cause I'm sitting with Lois...

- No!

- She's on a date with my boy, Robin.

- Don't!

- He hung up. I lost him.

Stay away from Lois

or I'll use my heat vision

to fuse your balls

into one big ridiculous uni-ball.

Superman, you don't understand.

I'm not here to hit on your girlfriend.

That's crazy.

Batman and I are undercover

and we're looking for a bomb.

A bomb? I don't give

two super-shits about a bomb.

As long as I'm balls deep in Lois,

I'm solid gold.

(ECHOING) Stay away from Lois, b*tch!

Goddamn it.

- That's insane.

- So I told him, you know.

I mean, we're gonna be fighting crime,

buddy. Oh, here he is.

You know, you should put on some pants.

But he liked the costume the way it is,

so what are you gonna do? Kids.

- (DINGS)

- LOIS:
Well, Thursday?

BATMAN:
Thursday it is.

- See you then.

- All right, now.

And, um... nice legs.

You make me wear this...

He makes me wear this outfit!

- It's so unfair. I hate it!

- Whoo! (LAUGHS)

She's a hoot.

All right, that was your date. Let's go.

- Bullcrap, that doesn't count.

- What do you mean it doesn't count?

That was a girl, this was a date.

Now, let's boogie.

We gotta go find that bomb.

Please, just let me do one more.

That doesn't count. Please!

Oh, my God, you're such a baby.

Go, sit down. Fine.

- Yes!

- Fine, go ahead, have fun.

But you're not gonna do it

on your own. Pop that in your ear.

What's that?

What I'm gonna do, is I'm gonna

get underneath the table,

hide down there, and feed you lines

to help bag this next gal.

- Right. Like Cyrano De Bergerac.

- I don't know what that is.

- It's more like Roxanne. (CLUCKS)

- OK, but look,

I'd really rather do this on my own.

OK, and I hear you, and I appreciate

what you're saying, but I'm gonna do it.

- Please don't.

- I'm gonna do it.

- Batman, don't.

- No...

- Please, please don't.

- Sorry. Sorry I'm late.

- There was a line in the bathroom.

- Oh.

- Hi, I'm Supergirl.

- My name is...

- BATMAN (IN EARPIECE): I'm Robin.

- Hi, I'm Robin.

- Um, so where you from?

- So where you from?

- I... Krypton.

- Oh.

- Krypton. That's...

- Oh, sh*t!

- Oh, sh*t!

- BATMAN:
Dude, I can see her snatch.

- Dude, I can...

- BATMAN:
Oh, my God!

I can't believe the size of this thing.

It's like a giant, f***ing cornfield.

It's enormous down here.

It's crazy, look at that.

I feel like, at any moment,

Shoeless Joe Jackson could walk out of it

and I could play catch with him.

Krypton. I hear it's really nice.

I have never been...

You didn't hear that the sun supernova'd

and destroyed our entire race?

- I wanna wash dishes with it.

- Did it? I did not...

It's a huge, bushy

catastrophe down here.

I feel like Sean Penn should do

a benefit for this thing.

- What? Oh, no. You can hear him.

- Yeah, I can hear him.

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