Movie 43 Page #8

Griffin, please just have

a little compassion.

Jerry's had

a very traumatic day.

Blow the security guard

or I'm gonna kill ya!

Of all the mornings

to jerk-off in the shower.

Just whoa! Stop it!

Stop it! Take a time-out right now!

Look, I want everyone to take a breath.

And I want you to listen

to this story...

I don't want to hear

anymore stories...

(SHOUTING)

Just listen.

Who among us has ever played

the game Truth or Dare?

MAN:
Uno margarita por favor.

- WOMAN:
You want salt?

- S. Bueno.

- And for you?

- I'll have a Whynatte and rum, please.

Got it.

Do you mind me asking a question?

It may seem personal.

I'm quite surprised that a lady

with your face needs to resort to...

- Match dot com?

- Right.

Truth is, I have completely

exhausted all of my options.

- Really? Oh, dear, that's a shame.

- Yeah.

- And are you from the area?

- No, look. Let's not do that, OK?

I've been on so many

blind dates in the past year,

and they all are the same.

OK? Where are you from?

What does your sister do?

What's your father... blah, blah, blah.

Do you really care

if my father's a garbageman?

- Is your father a garbageman?

- No, he's not.

- That's the point. Who cares?

- Not important.

Right? So let's not do that, OK?

Let's have this date be different.

OK? Let's talk about real things.

- OK? Real, straight conversation.

- Great.

- Totally about that. I'm all about that.

- OK.

So what does your father

do for a living?

(SCOFFS)

OK, let's play a game.

- OK.

- Have you played Truth or Dare?

I haven't played it,

but I'm aware of it.

OK, well, you start first.

You ask me "truth or dare."

- Truth or dare?

- Truth.

Is there any possibility

in this noble cosmos

or any alternative parallel cosmos,

where you might...

Do... Is there any chance

I'm your type?

Yeah, yeah. I mean, you're tall.

- And that's good?

- I like tall.

- OK.

- OK, truth or dare?

Truth?

I knew you'd say that.

I am going to push the limits here,

just a little bit.

- Are you circumcised?

- (WHISPERS) Am I circum...

- Yeah.

- That's personal.

Uh...

Circumcision has never really taken off,

to be honest, where I'm from.

It's not... You know what I mean?

It's not... the vogue.

Um, I tend to associate it

with Jewish people,

and we don't have many Jewish people

in Europe anymore, 'cause of the trouble.

- So, uh, no. I'm not.

- Oh.

But if you would need me

to get circumcised, I'm sure...

(LAUGHING)

- Truth or dare?

- Truth.

When was the last time you kissed a man?

Twenty-six days ago in an alley

behind a Pilates studio.

- Truth or dare?

- Dare. I'm gonna go with a dare.

OK, here we go.

Now we're cooking. OK.

I dare you to go over there...

See that man with the black jacket,

the husky guy?

I dare you to go and pinch his ass.

- Do what now?

- Well, just cup it.

You know, grab his cheeks and cup it.

- No. No.

- Yeah.

What? You said "dare," not me.

That's what "dare" is.

Have a look at him,

he's quite, he's quite...

I see him.

Go back there and cup his ass.

MAN:
He's quite a stocky man, I think.

Look, I don't even have to be here.

I can go home and watch Family Guy

right now if you don't wanna play.

I'll get the check.

Excuse me, could I have...

Sorry, she doesn't need the check,

she's joking. She's joking.

- Well, then go cup his ass.

- OK, I will.

I call him.

He never answers the phone,

I'm sick of it.

- Go pay him a visit.

- You call him.

(LAUGHING)

I'm sick and tired of it.

- What the f***?

- I did, sorry.

You touch my f***ing ass?

What's the matter with you?

- It was just a pat.

- What do you mean? F*** you!

- Sorry, sorry.

- You touched the wrong ass.

- What's the matter with you?

- Sorry.

- That was great.

- Truth or dare? Truth or dare?

- Wait a minute, can I enjoy...

- Truth or dare?

- Come on.

- OK, dare.

Right. You go and cup his ass.

No, no, no. You can't dare me to do

the same thing I just dared you to do.

- Truth or dare.

- You gotta come up with your own dare.

Be original.

OK. See that blind kid over there?

I want you to blow out his candles

before he gets a chance to.

I can't do that, that's cruel.

It's Truth or Dare,

that's the rule, OK?

Listen, I could take off, if you want.

I could go home.

Probably in time for...

I could put me Benny Hill DVDs on.

Oh, you're doing that, huh? OK.

I'll go over there

and I'll blow out the candles.

But you need to know something.

This is war.

# I wish it was my birthday

so I could party too

# Happy Happy Birthday

May all your dreams come true

# Happy Happy Birthday

From all of us to you #

(ALL CHEER)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Excuse me. I got 200 bucks.

Can you give me your whole thing?

WOMAN:
Whoo!

(CHEERING)

I dare you to make guacamole

with your right breast.

WOMAN:
"...elucidate several most

important, however intricate passages,

in scenes hereafter to be painted.

Chapter 64.

Stubb's Supper.

Stubb's whale had been killed

some distance from the ship."

(SILENT MOUTHING)

When the swelling goes down,

you're going to look great, Emily.

Thanks, sweetie.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)

That was fun, huh?

Yes. I had a really great time.

Yeah, me, too.

- Definitely interesting, you know?

- Yeah. We did a lot.

Yes. We did, we did.

- We did it up.

- Yes.

It was enchanting.

You're really a very delightful woman.

- Well, thank you.

- Yeah.

So... Yeah.

This is that slightly awkward moment.

No, I'm sorry. You're sweet, really.

And I really did have a good time,

but I'm just not that

attracted to Asian men.

(DOOR CLOSES)

(SIGHING)

Psych! Get in here Yao Ming.

We don't want these puppies

to go to waste.

Nah. I don't like it.

It's too offensive to the Asians.

Who do you think is financing

this place?

The Jews?

No. The Japanese.

Hey! I don't care about any of this!

All right? I want to do

what I want to do!

And that means you, right now,

blowing Jerry. Let's go!

That's right, motherf***er!

On your knees and pucker up.

It is what it is.

- Think this through.

- I am thinking it through.

- I thought everything...

- Please, just stop...

(GUNSHOTS)

No! No! No!

(POPPING)

(LAUGHING)

That's not gonna work.

Cut! Tierre, come on, man.

Give me a f***ing break.

Hey, it wasn't me!

That's Special Effects' fault!

And what are you?

Stunts!

I thought you yelled cut.

Why is this guy still rolling?

MAN:
That's EPK, Greg.

Oh, hey, I said specifically

no B roll on the set.

And can somebody please

get me some paper towels?

My ass, these p*ssy jeans are

making 'em pool with sweat.

MAN:
Princess needs an ass fan!

Oh, f*** you!

We're losing light! Hurry up, please!

Hey, Pete, man, isn't this

a movie about a bunch of shorts?

PETE:

Yeah?

And haven't we shown the last short?

PETE:
No. Actually, I think

we have one more to go.

Well, why don't we just run

that and cut all this bullshit?

PETE:

OK.

MAN:
In 1959, Kenny Jackson

coached the Ellison High Journeymen

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