Mr. Hobbs Takes a Vacation Page #5

"The dark one on the left. "

That's what we call "marriage," Rog.

I'll bet I know 150 guys better than that, | including my barber.

Netta Nickerson's never | even seen her son-in-law.

Julie married him in Las Vegas | at the Wee Kirk of the Cactus.

It doesn't make any difference. I can't ever | think of anything to say to him anyway.

Now you're just being absurd.

No. Once we've found out how each other's | getting along, we're both dead.

I know you haven't got | much in common with him...

but couldn't you at least | ask him about his work?

Well, honey, | what can you possibly ask a biophysicist?

I wouldn't know whether | I was pronouncing it right even.

Very well then, | since we're strictly off the record...

how do you like these apples?

You can have my share of Byron too.

Bless your wicked little heart.

Did you ever see such a windbag?

You know, | I was talking to him one night...

and I suddenly realized | I was apologizing to him...

for not hating my mother.

What are we going to do, Rog?

All right. Now, look, honey.

I read somewhere once that you can't | live anybody's life but your own...

and you're nuts to try to.

I'll bet that goes for families too...

because sooner or later, | Mommy and Poppy have just got to let go.

The kiddies are all grown up, | and they're in business for themselves, right?

I suppose.

You can keep on wiping their noses | just so long...

and pretty soon somebody's gonna come right out | and tell Mommy and Poppy to buzz off.

- Oh, dear. | - So we're going to buzz off before we're buzzed off.

Just stay out of it. Let them take care | of their problems by themselves.

- But- | - From now on, we're going to live our lives...

and they can live their lives...

and happy landings to everybody.

Good night, honey.

But what about the- the family?

Well, what about the family?

- I mean, communicating with the children. | - Oh, to hell with it.

Let them communicate with us | for a change.

Honey.

We're not going to worry | about this anymore.

- You understand? | - Uh-huh.

- Good night. | - Good night.

You'd think that lousy surf would lay off | for two or three minutes, wouldn't you?

- Morning! | - Oh, hi!

- Look! Okay? | - What is it?

War and Peace by what's his name.

I've been just dying to read it.

What page are you on?

Uh, well, I'm afraid I'm, uh-

The same here. I thought I'd never | get out of the first paragraph.

Are there any pictures in yours?

Uh, no. No.

Oh, well. So far it seems to follow | the movie pretty closely.

Who is taking care of all that money | while you are away?

Nobody. | We have the honor system in St. Louis.

Oh. | Oh.

- Good morning. | - Good morning, sir.

Uh, this is our neighbor, | Miss Marika-

Cardos.

- This is my son-in-law Mr. Grant. | - How do you do, Miss Cardos?

- Marika. | - Marika.

- Byron. | - Oh, like the painter!

Yes, that's it. Oh, what's this?

Peace and War by what's his-

Wow! His name.

- Have you ever read it? | - Oh, yes. Several times.

- Not all the way? | - Byron's a college professor.

Oh, no wonder! You had to.

Well, the first time, yes, | but then afterwards, of course-

- What about Moby-Dick? | - What about it?

- I suppose you've read that all the way through? | - Yes, actually.

- Who's Moby Dick? | - Oh, Rog!

Can I see you for a minute?

It must be out of order. | Excuse me.

Yeah?

Rog, Stan wants to tell you good-bye. | Don't say anything now.

They're saying that it's a business trip, | but just go along with it.

Don't say anything else. Shh.

Well, Stan, wonderful having you here | for a little while anyway.

- Thank you very much, sir. | - Stan's got to see a man on business.

- Uh-huh. | - Good-bye.

Of course it's not very exciting | around here, I know, but-

but, uh-

- Good-bye, Peggy. | - Bye, Stan.

- Thank you. Bye, dear. | - Good-bye.

You, uh, let us hear from you, | if you get a chance.

Good-bye, kids. | Don't forget Daddy.

A little sudden, wasn't it?

- Oh! | - Susie.

Wait a minute. Hey, Peg!

- What is this? | - Oh, Rog, you just don't understand.

I'll take a stab at it. | Give it to me in simple English.

What's the matter with Stan and Susie?

Well, it's like that time | that you and I almost broke up.

Oh, you were horrible. | You just sat there and brooded.

- I was out of work. | - Well, so is he.

- You mean he doesn't have a job? | - Mm-mmm.

- Oh. | - Not since the first of the year.

They just didn't want us to know.

For that reason, | he just walks out on everybody.

Oh, Rog, we've got to help them.

- There must be something we can do. | - Well, how do you like that?

He just up and walks out.

How'd we get | Little Mary Sunshine back?

She kept changing to the wrong train...

and finally wound up here | again this morning.

Oh.

The doctor said | she had a liver like a watermelon!

There's still a little seepage, | but if the stitches hold out...

she's gonna take Betty | to the teenage dance.

- What teenage dance? | - Who is this?

You said something about a teenage dance. | Where's it being held?

At the Yacht Club, of course. | May I ask who this is?

This is your very good friend | Roger Hobbs speaking...

and I'm very grateful to you, madam.

Thank you. Hey! | Hey, Peg, Katey! The fleet's in.

So there was nothing-

Oh, excuse me, please.

Take it easy, honey. | You're the prettiest girl here.

Wanna bet?

Now look around. | A lot of'em got braces. Boys too.

Delighted to see you here, Hobbs.

- I'm McHugh, commodore here. | - How do you-

- Haven't we met someplace before? | - Yes.

The bankers' convention in Chicago | two years ago. I'm with First National.

Oh, I remember. This is Mrs. Hobbs. | Commodore McHugh.

- How do you do? | - Charmed, Mrs. Hobbs.

- And our daughter Katey. | - Delighted, Miss Hobbs.

- Thank you very much for arranging this. | - The pleasure is ours.

We can't have too many pretty girls | at these dances.

May I have the honor | of dancing you to a younger partner?

Thank you.

Rather nice-looking, isn't he?

Smashing.

Oh, Phil! Phil. Phil, this is Katey.

Katey, this is Phil. | Now, what are you gonna do about it?

Excuse me.

She's got one.

- He looks like an albino! | - Shh!

- Come on. Let's have a drink, huh? | - I'll stay here and watch.

Okay for openers, I guess.

Oh, what'll you have?

- Uh, scotch and water. Thank you. | - A straight scotch for me.

- I understand that you're an | old deep-water man too. - Me?

Didn't someone tell me that you once | sailed in a Bermuda Cup race?

Oh, well, that was a long time ago | when I was a kid...

and even then I was more a passenger.

You're being too modest. Nobody's | a passenger in a Bermuda Cup sail.

But what you're going to need here, | of course, is a Spatterbox.

- A Sp-What? | - A Spatterbox.

- Oh. | - Well, hip-hip.

Hip.

All right. Attention, everybody.

The next dance will be | the boys' invitational dance.

All right, girls. Take your seats.

Girls, quickly. Quiet, please.

Not so rough. All right then.

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