Mr. Nice Page #5

I can't f***ing swim, you f***ing c*nt!

- F***ing wanker.

- He's all right, man. He's having a laugh.

My grandfather, Patrick Murphy,

was a Catholic policeman in Belfast.

- He was murdered by the f***ing IRA.

- Well, he shouldn't have joined the police.

- He doesn't mean any harm, Patrick.

- He's a sociopathic liar.

Look, it doesn't matter if you lie all the time.

Just take it into account.

I just wish there was another way.

Listen, I've been thinking.

We should ditch all this small-time sh*t

and get into the American market.

- Why?

- The numbers.

Listen to me.

Consumption of hashish and marijuana

in the UK is about three tons a day.

In the USA, they smoke 28 tons

every day of the year.

Now, most of it is cheap Mexican weed

that sells for 200 bucks a pound.

But good hash, like ours,

it costs one thousand bucks a pound.

- Wow!

- No.

No. No way.

No way. No f***ing way.

- What's the difference?

- The Yanks.

- They'll come after you, Howard.

- They're not gonna come after me.

Patrick, don't encourage him.

It doesn't make any difference anyway.

I can't figure out

how you'd get it across the Atlantic.

You'd need a f***ing huge crate.

You see, when a band tours America

with their gear, they're not importing it.

They get this thing called a carnet.

A sum of money

that's deposited with Customs,

which is retrieved again

when the equipment leaves the country.

Customs tear the docket off the paperwork

and wave it through.

- Do the band know?

- Who gives a f***?

Hello.

Hi.

Hello. Welcome.

Welcome to California.

- Thank you.

- You found us.

- Ernie Combs. Good to meet you.

- Howard.

Welcome to

the Brotherhood of Eternal Love.

Thank you.

We will, uh...

Well, we'll keep the west coast, uh, stoned.

I was wondering

when you were gonna introduce me.

- Here we are.

- Hello, there.

- Hey.

- Nice to meet you. I'm Howard.

Patti. It's great to meet you.

You're a very lucky man, Ernie.

Well, you know, we're, uh...

we're all lucky here.

We don't dig any of this, like,

possession jealousy vibe.

- How are you?

- I'm well. How are you?

Hey. Cmo ests?

I'll be right back.

Mmm. Don't be long.

- Ernie.

- Oh. Uh, Howard,

your load should hit Vegas

at some point this evening,

so then you can come on by

and pick up the dough, man.

I was rather hoping

I'd get the money upfront, you know?

- Right.

- So I can get going.

Yeah. Um...

I... Look, I'm...I'm sorry, but...

This...

I-It has to be...

You show me...

the dope...

and I show you the money.

It's all right, it'll work out.

The load transited in

John F Kennedy Airport, New York.

Hey, man, I love the Floyd.

When the airport Ioaders

put it on the pIane to Vegas,

they f***ed up and Ieft one speaker behind.

What we got here?

- Hello, guys.

- Hello.

- What have you got?

- No prints, no suspects, nothing. Just dope.

The load was headed to Las Vegas.

Send this puppy on to Vegas.

I'll go along for the ride

and we'll see if anyone comes to pick it up.

The speaker's that case.

Cocksuckers.

Let's go and bust it.

Well, sir, you gonna help me?

It's all right, pig, I'm just

a dude picking up speakers.

All right, darling?

Can I be of assistance, gentlemen?

- Police! Get down!

- For f***'s sake!

Get off! Get off!

You waIked out of my Iife...

And of course,

the year starts with a parade.

Hey, one of you guys out there

has just Iost five miIIion bucks.

Today, Iaw enforcement officers seized

Nevada's biggest ever hauI of iIIegaI drugs.

Hashish, highIy concentrated cannabis

from the Middle East,

almost half a ton of it, was discovered,

hidden in speaker cabinets.

In the movies,

the crook, usuaIIy a fugitive,

aIways immediateIy switches off the radio

or teIevision when the buIIetin finishes.

I didn't. I stared at it bIankIy

for at Ieast an hour.

This was Hollywood.

It probabIy wasn't even happening.

- Would you like red or white wine?

- Oh, I'll have red, please. Thank you.

Lovely. I just went to a party last night.

Left the keys at home.

Here, Scotland Yard detectives say

they expect to make more arrests today

on an internationaI poIice operation

which is said to have smashed

a major drugs ring.

ln all, 22 people have been arrested

in the United States, Britain and Spain.

At least four of the arrests were made here.

A report from home affairs correspondent

BiII HamiIton.

Your Honour, bail is out of the question

for the defendant.

He has money stashed in foreign

bank accounts. He is likely to abscond.

He is facing a possible 14 years under

Section 20 of the Misuse Of Drugs Act 1971 .

Your Honour, there's something

I can't reveal in open court.

We know you've been meeting a member

of the Provisional IRA who supplies arms.

And we know why you've been meeting him.

We'd like you to carry on meeting with him.

We've had a lot of difficulty infiltrating

the IRA. You've done a pretty amazing job.

This business with the Yanks.

It's a bit too much, though, Howard.

I'm afraid they've got their knickers in a

twist.

Well, what should I do?

Well, we can try and pull a few strings

and perhaps let them know

quite how important you are to us.

But you will, of course, owe the office

a substantial debt of gratitude,

if you know what I mean?

When are you next going to see McCann?

- Mac.

- Hmm?

The IRA don't know

he's been involved with dope.

- They'll execute him if they find out.

- C'est la guerre, Howard.

PeopIe ask me... They say, "It Iooks Iike

a glamorous life, being a drug dealer."

"lt looks like a lot of fun."

And l reply, "Don't do it unless

you are prepared never to be a grass."

Quid pro quo.

However, appearing to cooperate

is another matter.

Bail is granted for sureties totalling 50,000.

Mam and I will do what we can

to put up the bail,

whatever you did.

But, erm...

did you have anything to do with

hard drugs and guns?

No, Dad. Course not.

- Who is it, Mam?

- I don't know. Can I help you?

I think you better come with us.

- Tell Judy I'll be back, OK?

- Where are you going?

- Where are you going?

- I've gotta go.

- What about your coat, love?

- Who's this bloke?

- How long will you be, Howard?

- I've gotta go, Mam.

l'd staged my own abduction

so my dad wouIdn't forfeit the baiI.

You don't forfeit bail

if you've been kidnapped.

I'm Chief Superintendent Fairweather

from CID

and I'm looking for Howard Marks.

- This is the room.

- Ah. Thank you.

Please, no. No, don't touch that.

That is my son's private writing.

The person who came to the door,

the way you've described him,

it sounds very much to me like, erm,

an image that we've seen on the television.

- Is it?

- Balaclava, you know. Yes. The IRA.

So now Eddie Laxton, intrepid reporter

for the Daily Mirror, is onto the story.

What I don't want you to do is,

I don't want you to sensationalise it.

- No, no, no, no, no.

- We're talking about our son here.

- We're talking about our son, you know.

- Your son's more like a Robin Hood.

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