Mr. Roosevelt Page #5

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Calm down!

What?

This is not about Celeste.

Of course it's about Celeste.

- No, it's not!

- Yes, it is!

(Singing)

No, it's not.

Don't.

Don't do this.

(Singing and clapping)

It's about us...

Come on, give it to me.

[Eric clapping]

[Singing]

Maybe you're right.

[Singing]

But what do we do?

[Singing and clapping]

I don't know

[Singing]

but can we just talk?

[Sound of Emily

laughing gently]

Do you remember

how we were gonna improvise a

whole album based on our fights?

Yeah.

[Singing and clapping]

Why didn't that happen?

[Singing and clapping]

Because you left.

No...

You should play this.

Is your guitar in the shed?

No, Em what? No.

Play it! No.

This is gonna be great.

[Sound of Emily squealing

with joy]

[Sound of back door

opening and closing]

You were saying...

[Singing]

Because I...

I'll tune it.

What are you doing?

What do you mean? I thought

we were both doing this.

I'm sorry.

Let's just get out of here.

[Music from truck]

- You have to try this one.

- Oh yeah?

F***!

- Oh, my God.

- It's so hot.

- Why didn't you tell me?

- It is so hot!

[Eric and Emily moaning]

Damn, damn!

Good though.

I missed tacos.

Your siblings in LA

do not compare.

What? Really?

I thought LA had

the best Mexican food.

No. That's a myth.

It's really awful.

I think it's because

LA is obsessed with burritos.

Who needs those?

Burritos are just

sleeping bags for rice.

I want the flavor.

Can I try that one?

Yeah.

It's mild.

I'm a p*ssy and it feels good

to say out loud.

So...

How's that going?

- You mean LA?

- Yeah.

I'm managing.

How's real estate-ing going?

It's more hypothetical than

real...

so far but...

It's good,

I'm taking courses and

I'm shadowing this guy

that Celeste knows.

It's good.

Em?

I missed you.

Dude!

Emily Martin?

Shut up!

Stacy, hi.

Sean, I literally was just talking

about Emily, my college roommate.

God, what are you doing here?

You're like famous.

She did that spaghetti bath

video I was telling you about.

It has like 10 million views.

You must have made so much

money.

Yeah... no.

I couldn't monetize it.

What the f***? Why?

Because of

the Michael Jackson song.

F***! F*** that guy.

So, what are you two doing?

- We are just eating tacos.

- Tacos.

Hey, Sean and I are going to

this house party up the street.

You guys should come.

There's gonna be beers and fun.

No, we were kind of

in the middle of something.

I'd do it.

Yeah, he's doing it.

Come on, you should go. Come on!

Please!

[Raunchy music comes up]

BRB, PBR!

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

Oooh! I can't seem to lose you!

Oh my God.

- Oh my God.

- Em, how you doing?

- Jen, what are you doing here?

- I didn't mean to scare you.

No, it's okay.

It's my friend's house.

We're about to play.

Oh, cool.

- Hey, how you doing?

- Good.

- How it is going, bro?

- Good.

Alright, see you guys.

Yeah.

How do I know her?

She's the waitress I ran into

at the French restaurant.

- And just now.

- Yeah.

Again.

[Sound of electric guitar]

We're the Leeks.

[Hard drum beat comes up]

[The Leeks playing

hard rock song]

[Hard rock song ends

abruptly]

Oh my God!

You were so amazing!

Oh, thanks man.

Wait. Why didn't tell me

that you were in a band?

- Well, you never asked.

- Oh.

- You want a cigarette?

- No, I'm good.

Okay.

What the hell,

gimme a cigarette.

- Yeah, you want one too?

- You know what, I'll take one.

Yeah. Why not?

We're all doing it.

I love peer pressure.

[Disco music

comes up powerfully]

Yeah, you know,

I was just like, "F*** guys."

And then I got on Tinder.

And then I met Sean

three days ago...

It's been f***ing amazing.

[Disco music comes up]

Wait...

Do you see celebrities

all the time in LA?

Well, one New Year's Eve,

I saw Thom York buying

deodorant at a Ralph's.

Wait, what's a Ralph's?

It's a HEB, but it's like HEB.

But why is it called Ralph's?

[Disco music comes up]

Hey everybody!

Who wants to see

a really funny video

with the most famous person

from Austin Texas?

No.

My friend

Emily Martin right here.

No, please...

- Play it.

- Come on, play it!

I think

it's like "spaghetti balls"?

Uhh, "meatballs"?

Uhh... "tub girl"!

Definitely not "tub girl".

[Sound of laughter]

I can't hear anything!

Ohhhh!

[More laughter]

[Theme music comes up]

[Laughter and sighs]

Ohhhh!

[Shouting and laughter]

OOhhhh!

More sauce! More sauce!

More sauce! More sauce!

More sauce! More sauce!

More sauce! More sauce! More...!

- OOHHH!

- YEAH!

More sauce! More sauce!

More sauce!

More sauce! More sauce!

More sauce!

Dude, how did you get

so many noodles in that tub?

Did you smell like

tomatoes for weeks?

Why are you so bummed out?

People loved it.

I dunno.

It's really hard to explain.

Dude, turn that sad clown frown

upside down.

Is this all

I'm gonna be known for?

[Sound of tuning

electric guitar]

[Singing] You always act

like nothing's wrong.

You always tell me

that you're fine.

Dark clouds

are falling on your head.

Just like a sad little clown.

You got to turn

that frown upside down

My sad little clown.

You're not fooling me, baby.

I can see

a sad little clown in misery.

You're my sad little clown.

You're my sad little clown.

You're my sad little clown.

Turn your frown upside down.

[Partygoers cheering

and clapping]

[Hard rock music from band

comes up powerfully]

[Hard rock music ends]

[Cheers, cries of appreciation]

WHOA!

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- Whoa, whoa...

- Man overboard!

- No!

- Alright.

- I'm sorry.

I got you.

I got you.

You got me!

I'm a menace to society.

Wow, you're a f***ing bad ass.

- I'm impressed.

- Yeah.

Just leave these bikes for dead.

[Emily sighing]

We shouldn't...

No.

...do anything.

- We can't do this.

- No, I know.

This is not a thing that

we should be doing.

- We should not be doing this.

- No.

It's not like...

No, we can't...

I know. It's not like

I planned on doing this.

I have a girlfriend.

Yeah.

Well, she's more like

a life coach.

Come on.

No, Eric...

You come on.

She's trying to change you.

She sweeps into your life and thinks

she knows what's best for you,

and wants to take away the

things you care about?

For what?

So you can have a "real" job?

Did you see yourself tonight?

You f***ing killed it!

And you loved it!

And you know you did!

And you're willing to give

that all up for some girl?

I've tried the thing.

I've been here for 10 years.

Nothing has happened.

Okay. So f***ing Austin

isn't working out for you.

F*** Austin.

I always said

you should go on tour.

And just leave everything

and struggle and be alone.

So you're alone for a little

bit.

Sometimes you have to give up

things you care about

to get the things you want.

Yeah, and how's

that working out for you.

[Emily sighing]

Okay, Eric,

I just want to know, I just...

If you could have anything,

any career, any dream...

What would it really be? Honestly,

just ask yourself that.

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