Mr. Troop Mom Page #4

Little bit there.

- Who could possibly chew this much gum?

- Sam.

Be careful.

- Just let me even it up.

Okay, I got it.

I got a wonderful shampoo

that'll highlight your torn edges.

- Hey, I fixed it.

- Not bad, boss.

I feel like Posh.

Do I look like her?

Howling is the wolf's method for

communicating in thickly-forested areas.

It usually precedes

to the adult's departure to hunt.

Kayla.

You have to think of being outside

in the woods...

...as an opportunity

to cleanse your mind and your body.

All the wonderful air and exercise

allows your body to relax...

...and for you to fall asleep.

Okay.

Thanks for holding my hand.

That's what my mom does.

Good night.

- Harry.

- Eddie, hey.

Shh!

- Oh.

- What took so long?

- I've been a little busy.

That's great.

- Awesome. How does this thing work?

- It inflates automatically.

- Beautiful.

- That's a pillow and I got you a heater.

- Great job, Harry.

- Yeah. Hey.

- Cooler full of ice too.

- Oh, do you? All right.

Oh, get down.

Where are you, little man?

You hiding?

Come out, come out, wherever you are.

Where are you, pal?

You and your friends at OSHA, huh?

Think you're gonna put one by me?

Well, you've got another thing coming.

You gotta get out of here.

- We go to court on Tuesday.

- Go.

No, Eddie. There's 17 cases here.

I can't do them all.

Spread out!

- I need your help. Eddie, Eddie.

This is very irrational.

- Two of you? Well, a little challenge.

Okay, oh, Eddie.

- I'll meet you over...

- Get away.

- Run.

- I'm not sure where I'm going.

Run.

- Oh, Eddie, Eddie, Eddie.

- Oh, gee, you're right there.

- You're with the shark?

Oh, no, he's my mentor.

Mentor?

- It's like a really good teacher.

- I know what a mentor is.

I'm having a hard time believing it.

So, what do you think, more dogs?

What? Oh, that's you.

- What kind of camp did you say this was?

- Mine.

Terrifying.

- You snore really loud, Mr. Serrano.

- What?

Deviated septum.

If you leave now, I won't remember you.

Deviated septum.

Deviated septum.

Thank you.

Hey, Paulina. Sorry about the whole

Yorkie-terrier look I did on your hair.

- That's okay. Naomi did a little trimming.

- It's a good look on you.

Kayla said that if I use

half the shampoo that I used to...

...I can reduce the risk

of, like, scalp cankers...

...and premature baldness

for, like, 15 years.

And I'll be so old by then,

it won't even matter.

That's Kayla. Glass is always half-empty.

What'd she say about incontinence?

Anything?

- You seen Naomi?

- Oh. Um...

She was up at the cabin

writing in her journal.

All right, great.

Here's the latest.

"This is the worst

Action Classic trip ever.

Skyler's right, my dad is a clown.

Bozo the Clown.

Everything's a big joke to him.

I really hoped this year would be

the year we finally won.

I feel like I'm letting down my team

by having him here."

- Aw, baby.

- Hey, give me that.

What's wrong with you guys?

This is private.

I used to be proud of my dad.

It's days like this

that I miss Mommy more than ever.

- Eddie.

- Hey.

Naomi wants

to drop out of the competition.

Drop out? She's been looking forward

to this all year.

- She wants to go home.

- What'd you tell her?

That we'd talk about it at lunch.

- Where is she?

- Look...

...Miss Hulka feels it may be better

if you sit out this morning's events.

And unfortunately,

I have to agree with her.

Wait a second. If I don't go down there,

she's gonna think I quit on her.

- I'm sure she'll understand.

- Okay, but you don't understand.

I don't quit on anybody.

I've never been a quitter

and I'm not quitting on my own daughter.

I am sorry, Eddie.

Oh, okay, look, CC.

I've never been in the woods before.

I've never slept in a tent.

I had no idea what I was getting myself

into when I agreed to come down here.

But I'm here, all I want is a chance

to prove to my daughter...

...that I can do this for real.

What do you say?

Eddie, still want me to burn this?

I said don't burn it

when you're ironing it.

Thank you.

Oh, no.

What's everybody sitting for?

Today's the day we kick some booty.

- Let's rock 'n' roll.

- Dad, now what are you up to?

No time to talk.

Bucket Brigade starts in five.

We got our work cut out for us

if we're gonna win.

Everybody in. Killer Bees on three.

One, two, three.

- Killer Bees.

- Buzz, buzz.

I know. I look hot.

This, young ladies,

is the bucket challenge.

You will fill your buckets,

you will run the course.

And the first team to fill their barrel

is the winner.

If you spill,

you're gonna make more trips.

More trips means more time,

and that can cost you the win.

Good luck, girls. Ready?

- Got a license for that thing?

- Starter pistol.

If it's fire power you're looking for,

I got plenty.

Believe me, you don't wanna go there.

All right, let's go, kids.

I didn't know

if you were gonna make it today, Eddie.

It would have been such a letdown.

Don't spill, Skyler! God.

Right in the other ear.

Thank you for that.

Okay, Mom and Dad,

you can only touch the bucket...

...when the runner goes past this line

or else you're disqualified.

And you better get ready

because I see them coming.

Watch out for the snake.

- Where?

Come on, come on. Go, go, go!

- Dad!

- Come on, baby.

- Come on, come on.

- Come on!

Careful, girls.

- Come on, girls.

My grandmother runs faster than you.

Whoa, whoa! Catch her!

Ow!

- Oh, are you okay?

- My ankle.

- Hey.

You're over the line. You touch

that bucket, your team's disqualified.

Touching the bucket? Get on my back.

- Come on.

- Get on.

- Can he do that?

- Wow, I'm impressed.

Way to go, boss.

Hang on tight. You hanging on?

- I'm hanging on.

Run!

Come on.

Skyler's catching up.

Do something.

- Come on, Skyler.

- Excuse us.

- Little help.

- In your dreams.

Here they come.

Give me the bucket.

Winner! Winner!

Winner!

I don't know about you, Eddie,

but I found this morning exhilarating.

Am I moving too fast?

I just think maybe

you got the wrong idea, Denise.

Eddie, I'm a big girl, I can take it.

If I'm not your type, just say it.

You know, I don't wanna hurt you.

Say it.

I wish you were able

to read between the lines.

- Say it.

- You're not my type.

You shouldn't have said that.

I can never do nothing at this lake.

Whoa, nice legs. You go, girl.

This is where we get it back. You have been

playing soccer since you were 4 years old.

Yeah, this time, it's in canoes.

Maybe it will be easier.

I like the way you think.

What's wrong with you?

I... I can't swim.

What do you mean you can't swim?

You're a kid.

- Dad.

- Oh.

Okay. All right, look,

that's nothing to be ashamed of.

Listen, you do my job

and I'll do yours, okay?

Give me that thing.

Hey, we're teammates.

Try to control your excitement.

Hey. Can he do that?

- As long as it's a four-person team.

- Go chain yourself to the scoreboard.

Perfectly legal.

Get out.

Mom's taking over, Skyler. Let's go.

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