Mrs. Doubtfire Page #7

- Your day's on me, Mrs Doubtfire.

- Anything you need, put it on my tab.

- Thank you, dear.

Touch me again and

I'll drown you, you bastard.

I'll just sit here and watch you

move in on my family.

Oh, God. What am I doing here?

This is beyond obsession.

- Is everything all right, ma'am?

- Fan-bloody-tastic.

- Can I have another?

- Sure.

Great.

Soda with a lime, please.

- It's on me.

- No, thanks.

Four iced teas, Todd.

So, whose rugrats?

Miranda Hillard's.

- Miranda Hillard?

- The woman I'm seeing.

No kidding? You?

The guy who's never having kids?

Won't have anything to do with kids?

You won't even date a woman with kids.

People change, Ron.

I'm pushing 40. I don't want to

spend the rest of my life by myself.

She's got an awful lot

of baggage. Three kids.

Three terrific kids, and I'm crazy about

them. Especially little Natalie. Look at her.

She's a sweetie pie.

God knows they need a stable father figure

in their life right now.

- What about their real father?

- What can I say? The guy's a loser. I'll see ya.

Loser? Oh, yeah?

Oh, sir!

I saw it! Some angry member

of the kitchen staff. Did you not tip them?

Oh, the terrorists! They ran that way.

It was a run-by fruiting.

I'll get them, sir. Don't worry.

Good waste of juice.

Loser.

What are you lookin' at?

Hi, boys and girls.

Today we'll be talking about dinosaurs.

It's A Dinosaurus Line!

And please welcome... the king!

It's a dinner show. Hi! Where you from?

I'm gonna make you lunch.

Thank you very much. Thank you! All right!

Ladies and gentlemen,

put your claws together!

Please welcome... James Browntosaurus!

I eat wood

It tastes good

No meat, big feet

I eat wood

Oh, I got to help myself!

Can't go on! I'm goin' extinct!

Oh, thank you, James. But right now...

it's time for the Raptor Rap!

I'm a raptor, doin' what I can

Gonna eat everything

till the appearance of man

Yo, yo, see me, I'm livin' below the soil

I'll be back but I'm comin' as oil

Very impressive, Mr Hillard!

- I didn't know anybody was watching.

- I was watching. That's funny stuff.

- Well, thanks.

- I think kids'd like it.

- They'd be entertained and get information.

- That's kinda my theory.

You don't have to play down to 'em,

just play to 'em.

- Listen, I'd like to hear more of your ideas.

- My ideas?

- How about a dinner meeting?

- Wow. OK.

Next Friday. Bridges Restaurant.

Seven o'clock sharp.

I'll be there.

Take five.

Take five million. You're dead.

We've just had our first

home-cooked meal. I'm domestic now, huh?

- This is terrific, Dad.

- You want more spaghetti?

- No, I'm stuffed.

- Garlic bread? I made it myself.

Well, I didn't make it myself.

I cooked it. I sliced it.

It's OK, Dad. Thanks.

The place looks great. The food's terrific.

I'm really proud of you.

Yeah. Me, too.

Me, too.

I'll be right back.

- Thank you for knocking.

- Yeah.

Look at this!

I see you got someone to clean for you.

No.

- Hi, guys.

- Hi, Mom.

- Are they ready?

- No. They haven't had dessert yet.

- You cooked?

- Yes. I cook, I bake, I sew.

Thanks to this Amish

home study course I'm doing.

- I'm very impressed.

- Really?

Give me a second chance. OK?

Let me take the kids after school.

- I can't get rid of Mrs Doubtfire. She's terrific.

- Why not?

She's the best thing

that ever happened to us.

The kids are all doing better in school.

Chris is passing every single subject.

I find myself getting home early just

to be with them. We're all doing so great.

Sounds like an amazing woman.

Too good to be true.

She is.

- I kinda like the black one.

- Me, too.

I don't know. Actually... Mrs Doubtfire!

- Yes?

- We need another woman's opinion.

Oh! Then I'm your woman.

- Which one?

- What's the occasion?

It's my birthday.

Stu's taking me out to dinner.

Neither.

They're both too brazen, dear.

They cry "harlot".

Red is the traditional

color for streetwalkers.

And the black one is far too short.

I hope you waxed.

They both say to me "I'm easy. "

You want to be Kilimanjaro

on your first date - inaccessible.

Why buy the cow

when you can get the milk for free?

No, let's find something more your own age.

Something a little less tawdry.

Let's see.

How about this lovely frock?

Tasteful, elegant...

Don't you think?

And old. I wore that

to my aunt's funeral in 1976.

A classic never dies, dear.

I think it's time to revive it.

I think we should ask the kids.

What do you think?

- I'd go with the short, black one.

- Yeah. It's the most fun.

There. You see? I agree.

Fine. You ask my opinion,

then don't take it.

- I will not be held responsible for your virtue.

- You'll be there to protect me.

- Stu has invited you and the kids to join us.

- Oh, how lovely! One big, happy family.

I wouldn't miss that for the world!

Should be smashing good fun!

- I'm so glad.

- When is this enchanted evening?

Friday night, seven o'clock.

- This Friday at seven?

- Yes. At my favorite restaurant. Bridges.

- Bridges?

- Yes.

- Friday at seven.

- Bridges.

Sorry.

- Bridges?

- Yes! Bridges.

- The restaurant Bridges?

- Friday at seven.

- I can't. Please, don't. It's bingo night, dear.

- Cancel it.

I can't, dear. It's my turn

to pull the balls at the rectory.

- Please join us.

- Don't ask me that, dear.

I can't have my birthday without you.

It's so important to us that you be there.

You're part of the family now.

I can't have a birthday without you.

It would mean so much to me and the children.

Please promise you'll come with us,

Mrs Doubtfire. You just have to.

Who could resist that little face?

- I promise.

- Thank you!

Thank you, dear.

- Are you all right?

- Fine.

Let's see... Nothing.

- Anything in May?

- Not a thing.

It doesn't look good.

I'm sorry. Mr Lundy is completely booked

for the next two months.

- I'll meet him any time, anywhere.

- Sorry. There's nothing I can do.

Please. I can't cancel.

It's a huge opportunity.

Take my advice:
Don't cancel.

Thank you.

- Come along, Nattie.

- Hello, darling!

- Shouldn't you cover your shoulders?

- No! I'm fine.

- Good evening, Mr Lundy.

- Good evening.

Oh, God. Here we go.

- Mrs Doubtfire, you look wonderful.

- Thank you.

Come on. I hope you're all hungry.

- Good evening, Mr Lundy.

- I'm meeting someone. Is he here?

No, I'm sorry. He hasn't arrived yet.

But we can seat you.

Smoking or nonsmoking?

Nonsmoking, please.

- Tanya will seat you. Table 15.

- This way, please.

- Reservation. Dunmeyer.

- Yes, sir.

- Smoking or nonsmoking?

- Nonsmoking.

- Smoking!

- Mrs Doubtfire, you don't smoke.

No, I don't. But I did.

I found the best way to keep from smoking

again is to be around those who do smoke.

I have to randomly ingest just a little bit

of nicotine and it steels my wool.

And I know you're Mr Health. Bless you

for putting yourself in harm's way.

- Smoking.

- All right. Table 39.

- Follow me, please.

- 39! My age! You're a saint.

Thank you very much

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