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Mrs. Doubtfire Page #8
- PG-13
- Year:
- 1993
- 125 min
- 13,998 Views
for humoring an old lady.
- He's pissed already.
- Mrs Doubtfire?
- Would you like to join us?
- Oh. I thought I saw Clint Eastwood.
That would make my day!
He is such a stud-muffin.
Will you excuse me, dear?
I have to check my wrap.
- I can do it for you.
- Oh, no, please. I'm quite capable of...
All right, dear. There you go.
- Oh, and your bag too, ma'am.
- Drop it!
Oh, I'm very sorry, dear. It's my medicine.
- I have to go take my medicine now.
- We have water at the table.
I can't take it orally, dear.
I'll be right back.
- Would you like something to drink?
- Oh, yes. A good stiff Chardonnay.
I like 'em light and woody.
- Hello. Bridges Restaurant. May I help you?
- Yes. My name is Daniel Hillard.
Mr Lundy is expecting me for dinner. Will you
tell him I'm running late, but I'm on my way?
- I'll deliver the message personally, sir.
- Thank you.
Oh, Stu!
I hope you like it.
It's gorgeous! Thank you!
Did I miss anything?
Well, yes. Look. This is the gift
that Stu gave me for my birthday.
- Isn't it gorgeous!
- Is it real?
It is very real, Mrs Doubtfire.
You can either wear that or feed a small
country. That's so nice. So decadent.
Mommy, I need to go.
- Mrs Doubtfire, would you take her?
- No. You.
- She wants you, dear.
- Well, I'll be right back.
OK.
Yes, well...
Children, look at that lovely
dessert tray over there.
Why don't you go over and pick what
you'd like now so they could reserve it?
- We'll be back.
- All right.
That's a pretty impressive
bauble you got her.
A fella gives a gift like that,
he wants more than a piece of her heart, eh?
Bit of a going-down payment, huh?
- Excuse me?
- You know, dear. Sink the sub.
Hide the weasel? Park the porpoise?
Bit of the old humpty dumpty?
- Little Jack Horny? The horizontal mambo?
- Mrs Doubtfire...
The bone dance, eh?
Rumpleforeskin? Baloney bop?
Bit of the old cunning linguistics? Hm?
- Mrs Doubtfire, please.
- Am I being a little graphic? Sorry.
- I hope you're up for a little competition.
- I beg your pardon?
She's got a power tool in the bedroom, dear.
It's her personal jackhammer.
She uses it and the lights dim.
It's like a prison movie.
Amazed she hasn't chipped her teeth.
I hope you bring cocktail sauce.
She's got crabs.
And I don't mean Dungeness.
I'm being blunt as a spoon, aren't I?
Forgive me.
It's the wine. Oh, gosh!
Be back in a flash.
All right? My tiny bladder.
- Mrs Doubtfire!
- What?!
- You're going into the men's room.
- No! Oh, so it is!
I do need new glasses, dear. Sorry!
Hello!
Jesus! God!
- Excuse me. May I have a menu?
- Of course.
- What's France like?
- Very beautiful.
Thank you very much.
- Mr Lundy.
- Oh, hi.
- Sorry I'm late. Did you get my message?
- Yes. Sit down.
- How about a drink?
- Sure. I'll have what he's having.
Double Chivas on the rocks.
Bring him two doubles so he can catch up.
- A Scotch drinker, huh? That's my kinda guy!
- Gentlemen, start your engines.
- OK, everybody. Are we ready to order?
- Yes, I believe we are. Children, fire away.
Shouldn't we wait for Mrs Doubtfire?
Yes.
- How are we doin' over here?
- No, no.
Oh, yes.
Now...
What can you do
to help the ratings on the kid show?
Bottom line:
Don't patronize kids.They're little people.
You gotta personalize it. Make it fun.
If it's something you'd enjoy, they'd enjoy it.
- That's what I'm interested in.
- Bingo!
Well, I wonder what's happened
to Mrs Doubtfire.
- We could cross over to the news.
- Would you excuse me for a moment?
But...
- May I help you, ma'am?
- Yes, dear. Thank you very much.
- Oh, my goodness!
- I'm so sorry! It's my fault.
- I'm all right. There we go.
Thank you. Oh, let's see here!
- May I take your order, ma'am?
- Oh, yes.
Let's see. I'll have the poached salmon.
- And you, sir?
- I'll have the jambalaya.
- Make mine not spicy. I'm allergic to pepper.
- Certainly, sir.
Thank you. Cheers. Your health.
Oh, my God.
So sorry about that. Just one moment.
Carpe dentum - seize the teeth.
Let me assist you.
A spoon. Oh, how clever. Wait. I've got it.
Wait. There. Make a pincer.
Come at it from both sides. Together - up.
Thank you. There it is.
Just shake them off, like a dog.
Sorry. Oh, forgive me.
- That's all right.
I'll be right back. I just have to
re-attach them with a little adhesive.
- Tell him to pure the salmon, if you will.
- Pure the salmon.
Oh, that one.
Oh. I didn't know there was
someone else in here. Sorry.
Damn it! Oh, there it is.
Excuse me.
Where the hell have you been?
Bully!
Daniel?
Are you wearing ladies' perfume?
Yes, I am.
Are you wearing lipstick?
Yeah.
Why?
- It rubbed off.
- From whom?
A girl I used to date. She's a waitress.
- A waitress? Here?
- Oh, yeah.
On the way to the bathroom...
Couldn't keep her hands off me.
- You dog!
- You scallywag!
I got the stretch outside.
Does your girlfriend have a girlfriend?
- Hey, it's the '90s.
- No, no! I mean...
Does she have a lady friend for me?
- Go ahead. Ask her.
- I'll go ask her.
Go on. Come on, go get 'em!
Hey, Dan!
- Relax. I'll be out in a minute.
- Thank you! Great.
Table 39!
Hot jambalaya!
- Can I help you, ma'am?
- Sorry I'm late.
I had to piss like a racehorse.
- Daniel?
- Yeah.
Why in God's name
are you dressed like a woman?!
Oh, damn.
Well...
I'd like you to meet
the host of your new show.
Host?
Euphegenia Doubtfire, dear. I specialize in
the education and entertainment of children.
Surprise!
Oh, thank you very much.
- This looks terrific.
- Where's Mrs Doubtfire?
Well, I hope the dear lady's all right.
- Shall we start?
- Yes. Let's start. I don't want it to get cold.
Tell me. Why would Mrs Doubtfire
be a good host?
I'm a hip old granny who could
hip-hop, bebop, dance till ya drop,
and yo, yo, make a wicked cup of cocoa.
Stu?
Oh, he's choking. He's choking!
Help us! Somebody help!
He's choking! Help us!
Oh, God! Oh, God!
- He's choking here! Call 911!
- Oh, no. I killed the bastard.
- Mrs Doubtfire! Help us! He's choking!
- Help is on the way, dear!
- Mrs Doubtfire!
- Help is on the way!
- Mrs Doubtfire, he's choking!
- Hold on, dear.
One more time, dear. Work with me!
Come on!
I'm all right.
- Are you all right?
- Yes.
Almost lost ya.
- Dad.
- Oh, my...
Daddy?
Yeah, honey. It's me.
Happy birthday.
Daniel...
Daniel! Oh, my God!
Oh, my God!
The whole time...
- The whole time?!
- I'm sorry, Miranda. Please?
Don't talk to me! Don't touch me!
I have to go. We have to leave now.
I have to leave!
We have to leave now!
I have to go! We're going.
- You guys go.
- I'm sorry, Dad.
Bye.
Sorry about the pepper. I was...
What are you lookin' at? Show's over.
Miss Robeson,
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"Mrs. Doubtfire" Scripts.com. STANDS4 LLC, 2024. Web. 11 Sep. 2024. <https://www.scripts.com/script/mrs._doubtfire_14183>.
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