Much Ado About Nothing Page #6

This is the end

of the charge.

If you meet the prince in the night,

you may stay him.

Nay, by'r our lady,

that I think he cannot.

Marry, not without

the prince be willing.

For, indeed, the watch

ought to offend no man,

and it is an offense

to stay a man against his will.

By'r lady,

I think it be so.

Well, masters, good night.

An there be any matter

of weight chances, call up me.

Adieu.

Be vigitant,

I beseech you.

Well, masters,

we hear our charge.

Let us go sit

upon the church-bench

till 2:
00,

and then all to bed.

What Conrade!

Peace!

Stir not.

Conrade, I say!

Here, man,

I am at thy elbow.

Mass, and my elbow itched,

I thought there

would a scab follow.

I will owe thee an answer for that.

Now forward with thy tale.

Stand thee close, then,

and I will, like a true drunkard,

utter all to thee.

Some treason, masters.

Yet stand close.

Therefore know I have earned

of Don John a thousand ducats.

Is it possible that any villainy

should be so dear?

I have to-night wooed Margaret,

the Lady Hero's gentlewoman,

by the name of Hero.

She leans me out at her mistress'

chamber-window,

bids me a thousand

times good night.

I tell this tale vilely.

I should first tell thee how

the prince and Claudio,

planted and placed

by my master Don John,

saw afar off in the orchard

this amiable encounter.

And thought

they Margaret was Hero?

Two of them did,

the prince and Claudio,

but the devil my master

knew she was Margaret,

and partly by his oaths

and partly by

the dark night,

but chiefly by my villainy,

away went Claudio enraged,

swore he would

meet her next morning

and there, before

the whole congregation,

shame her with what

he saw o'er night,

send her home again

without a husband.

We charge you,

in the prince's name, stand!

Call up the right

master constable.

We have here recovered the most

dangerous piece of lechery

that ever was known

in the commonwealth.

Masters. Masters...

Never speak.

We charge you let us obey you

to go with us.

Troth, I think your other

gown were better.

No, pray thee,

good Meg, I'll wear this.

By my troth, 's not so good,

and I warrant your cousin will say so.

My cousin's a fool.

Thou art another.

I'll wear none but this.

Good morrow, coz.

Good morrow, sweet Hero.

Why how now? Do you speak

in the sick tune?

Mmm. I am all out

of other tune, methinks.

It is almost 5:
00,

'tis time you were ready.

By my troth,

I am exceedingly ill.

Heigh-ho.

For a hawk, a horse,

or a husband?

These gloves

the count sent me,

they're an excellent perfume.

I am stuffed, cousin,

I cannot smell.

A maid, and stuffed!

There's goodly

catching of cold.

By my troth,

I am sick.

Get you some of this Carduus Benedictus,

and lay it to your heart.

It's the only

thing for a qualm.

Benedictus!

Why... Why Benedictus?

You have some moral

in this Benedictus.

Moral? No, by my troth,

I have no moral meaning.

I meant,

plain holy-thistle.

There thou prickest her

with a thistle.

Madam, withdraw.

The prince, the count.

Signior Benedick,

Don John,

and all the gallants

of the town

have come to fetch you

to church.

What would you with me,

honest neighbor?

Marry, sir, I would have some

confidence with you

that decerns you nearly.

Brief, I pray you, for you see, it is

a busy time with me.

Marry, this it is, sir.

Yes, in truth it is, sir.

What is it, my good friends?

Verges, sir, speaks

a little off the matter.

His wits are not so blunt as, God help,

I would desire they were,

but, in faith, honest as the skin

between his brows.

Yes, I thank God I am as honest

as any man living...

Comparisons are odorous.

Neighbors, you are tedious.

It pleases your worship

to say so, sir,

but we are the poor

duke's officers.

I would fain know

what you have to say.

Marry, sir,

our watch to-night,

excepting

your worship's presence,

ha' ta'en a couple of as arrant knaves

as any in Messina.

A good old man, sir, he will be talking.

God help us.

Well said, neighbor Verges.

An two men ride of a horse,

one must ride behind.

I must leave you.

A word, sir.

Our watch, sir, have indeed comprehended

two auspicious persons,

and we would have them this morning examined

before your worship.

Take their examination yourself

and bring it me.

I am now in great haste,

as it may appear unto you.

It shall be suffigance.

Drink some wine

ere you go.

Go, good partner, go.

We are now

to examination these men.

You come hither,

my lord, to marry this lady.

No.

To be married to her, Friar.

You come to marry her.

Lady, you come hither

to be married to this count.

I do.

If either of you know

any inward impediment

why you should

not be conjoined,

I urge you to utter

it upon your souls.

Know you any, Hero?

None, my lord.

Know you any, Count?

I dare make

his answer, none.

O, what men dare do!

What men may do.

What men daily do,

not knowing what they do.

How now!

Interjections?

Why, some may be

of laughing, as...

Stand thee by, Friar.

Father, by your leave,

will you with free

and unconstrained soul

give me this maid,

your daughter?

As freely, son,

as God did give her me.

And what have I

to give you back,

whose worth may counterpoise

this rich and precious gift?

Nothing, unless you

render her again.

Sweet prince, you learn me

noble thankfulness.

There, Leonato,

take her back again.

Give not this rotten

orange to your friend,

she is but the sign

and semblance of her honor.

Behold how like a maid

she blushes here!

Would you not swear, all you that see her,

that she were a maid

by these exterior shows?

But she is none.

She knows the heat

of a luxurious bed.

Her blush is guiltiness,

not modesty.

What do you mean, my lord?

Not to be married, not to knit my soul

to an approved wanton.

Dear my lord,

if you, in your own proof,

have vanquish'd the resistance

of her youth,

and made defeat

of her virginity...

I know what you would say.

If I have known her,

you will say

she did embrace

me as a husband,

and so extenuate

the 'forehand sin.

No, Leonato,

I never tempted her

with word too large,

but, as a brother

to his sister,

show'd her bashful sincerity

and comely love.

And seem'd I ever

otherwise to you?

Out on thee! Seeming!

I will write against it.

You seem to me

as Dian in her orb,

as chaste as is the bud

ere it be blown.

But you are more intemperate

in your blood than Venus,

or those pamper'd animals that rage

in savage sensuality.

Is my lord well,

that he doth speak so wide?

Sweet prince,

why speak not you?

What should I speak?

I stand dishonor'd,

that have gone about to

link my dear friend

to a common stale.

What man was he talk'd with you yesternight

out at your window

betwixt 12:
00 and 1:00?

Now, if you are a maid,

answer to this.

I talk'd with no man

at that hour, my lord.

Why, then are you no maiden?

Leonato,

I'm sorry you must hear.

Upon mine honor, myself,

my brother and this grieved count

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