Muppet Treasure Island Page #4

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There will be no consumption|of alcohol of any kind.

Oh, sir, but I can vouch|for this crew myself.

You could sail to heaven|and back with these men.

Well, I'm afraid|I must disagree with you.

Oh.

You wanna knock it off|with the booze?

It's peeling the paint|off of the shuffleboard court.

- Yeah. - Sorry. - Come|on, girls. - We told him.

And that's that.|This conversation is finished.

I understand, sir.

I shall tend to my duty|and see to it...

that every drop of alcohol|is thrown overboard.

Come on,Jim.|Don't bother, Captain.

You can go|if you want to,Jim.

- Come on.|- Yeah.

Oh, well. I guess the human beings|wanna hang out together...

don't wanna spend time|with a rat and a, uh...

- Uh, uh, whatever.|- Yeah.

- Say cheese!|- Cheese!

Oh, that's great.

Cute couple.

Stop it!

I never felt|like this before.

- Denise, what I'm trying to say...|- Yes?

- What I'm trying to say is...|- Yes?

- What I mean to say is, I...|- Yes?

I'm sorry your present|didn't work out.

Oh,Jim, Smollett sails|by rules and laws.

That's what bein' a captain's|all about.

Me, I sails by the stars.

Stars?

North,Jim. Find me north out there|among them stars.

Well, that's easy.

Ah, yeah, but what|if you don't have a compass?

Long John, please don't drop it.|It was my father's.

It's all I have of his.|Please. Please.

I'm sorry, lad.|I were only foolin'.

- How old were you when he died, then?|- Seven.

I were eight|when my father died at sea.

- First mate, he was.|- My father was a first mate too.

Was he, now?

By the powers.|What a coincidence.

Now,Jim, that be Polaris,|the North Star.

Even in the China Sea,|that's north.

- North. Polaris.|- Uh-huh.

- So we must be heading southwest.|- Smart as paint you are, lad.

Smart as paint.

Now, that gets old Long John|to wonderin'.

Why would we be|sailin' southwest?

The scuttlebutt|among the crew is that, uh...

we're sailin'|for buried treasure...

and, uh, someone on board...

has a map.

'Course,|none of my concern,Jim.

I'm just a ship's cook.

Such matters are best suited to Captain|Smollett. He runs this ship, not I.

Come on, Long John.|You could captain this ship.

That I could, lad.

Maybe someday I will.

- Moonlight swim?|- Okay.

Oh, Smolly, my love for you...

is deeper than|the deep, blue sea.

Get on with you! Go on!

Hi,Jim!

- Yo,Jimbo! Mornin', Long...|- Hi, Long John. Good morning.

Well, at least one of us|is having a good time.

Ah, Rizzo, it's not so bad.|Angel Marie said that later on...

he'd throw a line out the back|and let me drag along the bottom.

I don't know about this crew. I feel like they're|always watchin' us, just waitin' to pounce.

That's just a figment|of your imagination.

This is a figment|of my imagination?

Now, tell us|where the map is...

or we'll tear ya|limb from limb!

Never. My friend|and I will never tell.

Hey, hey, there could be|extenuatin' circumstances.

I mean, you know...|Wh... I b... If...

Maybe they'll ask|real nice.

- In your dreams!|- Do it, Monty! Do it!

Yeah, do it to me!

Yes! More!

- Oh, no, I can't look.|- Look at this!

I'm taller!|This is so cool!

I may even have a future|with the NBA.

This won't work! He likes it!|Let's torture the rat!

- Huh? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!|- Yeah!

- Oh, no, no!|- Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yes.

- Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.|- Oh, please, no! I hate basketball!

I got a lovely recipe|for blackened rat.

I say!|This does not look safe!

- What? What? What? What?|- I b... I burned my hand.

Kiss it or something!

Poodly, poodly, poodly,|poodly, poodly.

Mr Arrow, lock those three up|for the remainder of the voyage.

- Yes, sir!|- You can't hold us!

- To the brig! Move along!|- Will you stop crying! Will you shut up!

- Move along.|- Oh, good. That's good. Yeah.

Master Hawkins, may I see you|in my cabin, please?

Yes, sir.

- Ready, Mr Gonzo?|- Ready!

Tie off the rope, Beaker!

We call this|the window shade cure.

All right.|Snip, snip, snip.

Oh, great! Wow!

That was so cool!

Hmm? Oh, sure.

- Who's the lady pig, sir?|- Never mind that,Jim. Listen.

I'm hoping you're willing to give me the|map now, considering what's just happened.

I'd rather not, sir.

I'd hoped it wouldn't|come to this,Jim, but...

as captain, I order you|to give me the map.

- Mr Arrow?|- Aye, aye, Captain.

Lock up this treasure map.

It will be safe|in here, sir.

It's been six weeks|since we left England.

Five days|since we had a breeze.

No!

I got the madness!

I got cabin fever!

I've got it too!

Cabin fever!

I got cabin fever|It's burning in my brain

I got cabin fever|It's driving me insane

We got cabin fever|We're flipping our bandannas

Been stuck at sea so long|that we have simply gone bananas

We, we, we got cabin fever

We lost what sense we had

We got cabin fever|We're all going mad

Grab your partner by the ears|Lash him to the wheel

Do-si-do, step on his toe|Listen to him squeal

Allemande left|Allemande right

It's time to sail or sink

Swing your partner|over the side

- Drop him in the drink|- We've got cabin fever.

- No ifs, ands or buts.|- We're disoriented.

- And demented.|- And a little nuts.

Volkswagen car

We were sailing, sailing

The wind was on our side

And then it died.

I got cabin fever|I think I lost my grip

I'd like to get my hands|on whoever wrote this script

I was floating|'neath the tropic moon

And dreaming|of a blue lagoon

Now I'm as crazy as a loon

Cabin fever|has ravaged all aboard

This one small vessel|has become a floating psycho ward

We were sailing, sailing|heading who knows where

And now though|we're all here

We're not all there

Cabin fever!

- The wind is back.|- What are we doing?

What's goin' on here?

- What was that?|- I feel like such a fool.

- Yeah, me too.|- I hope nobody saw that. Embarrassing.

- Get us outta here! Help!|- We didn't hit him!

Come on. Let us out.|We was only joking.

- Hey, Long John! Hey, get us outta here!|- Yeah!

- Hey-ey-ey, Polly.|- What?

- What was that song that just happened?|- What are you talkin' about?

You know.|Cabin Fever

- That.|- You see,John?

You gotta get us outta here now!|Clueless is startin' to go crackers!

Here you go.

- Your bread and water for today.|- But I ordered shrimp scampi.

It's more than you deserve,|ya villainous dogs!

Oh,Jim.

By rights,|I should be locked up too...

for lettin' thieves like them|aboard this ship.

Oh, it chills me...

to think that they almost|killed your little friends...

looking for some|daft treasure map.

None of this would've happened if I'd|have given Captain Smollet the... I mean...

What, lad?

I'm not really sure I should be talking|about this with you or with anyone.

You mean, you've really|got a treasure map?

Not any more. Mr Arrow took it and|locked it up in the captain's cabin.

You must promise|to keep it a secret.

Don't bother your head about that.|You've only told old Long John.

Now, you run along|and do your chores. Go on.

Go on.

Safely now. Safely.

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