My Beautiful Broken Brain Page #4

which is an impairment of language.

She has this difficulty sequencing,

sifting information,

knowing what's the most important thing.

Where were you?

I was, um...

in intensive care.

-And it seemed like... night-time.

-Mmm-hmm.

And...

my brother was there and my mum.

I didn't understand

why I wasn't able to talk to them.

And I guess that's just the beginning--

that's the beginning.

[keyboard clacking]

[sobbing] I haven't slept very well.

They, uh... [chuckles]

This is gonna take forever.

No, it's okay that it does.

It takes as long as it takes.

[breath quavering]

[voices echoing]

[Lotje] Getting really difficult to be...

other people's properly--

Property. [clears throat]

People taking over my plans, my life.

-Doctors telling me...

-[indistinct echoing chatter]

...things that I don't understand.

But still being

at that stage in life where...

obviously, I should be able to take

control of myself, and responsibility.

But people are hijacking... my whole life.

Hijacked, I guess.

[stopwatch ticking]

Touch-typing using shortcuts

are coming back to me like magic,

so I know I can rely on those.

You do it automatically.

It's automatic... now, you know?

For a long time, it was, like, one...

one at a time.

"I look back...

at my words...

they will have disappeared."

Maybe,

"Especially because I can still write."

Yeah.

Because that's that thing that is quite...

the most unintuitive part of all of this.

We think of reading and writing as being

almost the same thing.

You write something, then you read it.

But for the brain, it doesn't work

like that at all, you know?

It's a very different process

that is not at all obvious.

Is that 'cause it's a different

part of the brain?

[clears throat] It's because

the pathways are a little different.

To write something,

you don't need to necessarily see it.

But to read it,

it's the visual part of the brain

that now is having the trouble.

So your brain can see the words,

but the connection

between the seeing part of the brain

and the language part of the brain

has been disrupted.

But the path which goes

from the language part of the brain

to the motor part of the brain

to write it is fine.

So you can write it and then

when you read it, there's a blockage.

Yeah.

Okay.

[Lotje] Update to self, note to self,

this is not a step backwards,

this is an enormous step forwards.

This is progress.

Massive progress.

The other one was just an illusion.

A comfortable illusion.

This is an uncomfortable reality.

[echoing]

Cuckoo...

Cuckoo...

It's all going nuts here at the nuthouse.

The psychology of recovery.

Escape?

And run away? [chuckles]

Kidding.

One of the nice ladies said I was allowed.

So long as I don't get lost.

My weekly timetable.

Occupational therapist,

language therapist,

a psychologist and a psychiatrist.

And I'm not sure which is which.

[chuckles]

[Lucy] You know, this video communication

is really amazing for people

who were away.

Here I am...

in...

the brain room.

[Lucy] Exactly what Lotje

was doing before,

she communicates with everyone via video.

And she just makes me laugh. [chuckling]

This is where I perform

me leisure activities.

And this is where I like to play snooker

or write some music.

You have to come here sometime.

It's a real hoot.

Really want to know what that... says.

-[Lotje] Hey, Adam.

-Hello.

How are you doing?

Wonderful.

What are you making?

[Adam] I'm not making,

I'm creating.

What are you creating?

A robot for my son.

You're my only friend here, Adam.

I'm your only friend?

Here at the RNRU, yeah.

Well, you've got a good friend,

that's all I can say.

[Lotje] You're not wrong there, Adam.

[Adam] Very good friend.

Are you looking forward to going home,

going into the real world?

I'm-- I'm looking forward to it, yes,

but I'll deal with it when I get there,

because I've been out here

for a long time.

You think it's gonna be all right?

Yeah.

Life is what you make it.

[echoing] Life is what you make it.

-[Lotje] Martin. Magical Martin.

-Mmm.

-I'm going to read.

-Okay.

See, um...

See if I can do it without messing it up.

-Okay. We're a team.

-Yeah?

In this case, the writings

of the incredible Mr. Lynch,

that I'm dying to get my head around.

"Within every..." No.

[chuckles] "Within..."

[Lotje] "Within your own self

is a treasury, an ocean of pure bliss,

consciousness, intelligence, creativity,

love, happiness, energy, and peace,

within every human being."

"...of pure bliss."

[Martin] Yeah.

[Lotje] "Experience that

and you will begin to know yourself,

which is unbounded, eternal totality."

"...to-ta-lity."

[Martin] Excellent. Well done.

-Yeah.

-[sighs]

[high five]

[Lotje] I think that's wonderful.

It means we have it all in us,

don't need to search too far.

Yeah.

-Just, uh, have a look inside...

-Mmm-hmm.

...and hopefully

we'll find what we're looking for.

-That's it, yeah. Mmm.

-I think that's great.

[Lotje] It feels like a door has opened.

A brand new door.

It's in the middle, but it's open.

It wants to let me in.

Note to tell Sophie, or someone.

[Jan] This is your towel.

That's it?

This is your towel, too.

I should've brought a bag, really.

It's all right, we can--

I can carry it.

What are you thinking about now?

Can I just show you how

these organizational skills

have massively improved?

I think you're very distracted right now.

You're not thinking about

the task in hand at all.

-What, me?

-Yeah.

See, if you had a brain hemorrhage,

you'd focus on the things

that you should be focusing on,

and ignore everything else.

-Pretty handy, in fact.

-[Jan chuckles]

I'll remember that.

I'll be sure to have one soon.

[Lotje] Mmm-hmm.

It's been a very, very, very, very, very,

very, very hard process to be here.

I am different than I was,

maybe I'm never gonna be the same.

That's only, really,

just occurred to me.

But I'm still hoping that it's not true.

Where I'm gonna end up,

or how I'll end up,

when it comes to romance,

my life, work, you know,

those are the things

that you start freaking out about.

[boy talking indistinctly]

[Jan] Is that one for Auntie Lotje?

Yeah.

[Lotje] Well, thank you.

Is that a leaf?

Yeah.

[Lotje] This is a book

for people who can't read.

It's got all pictures in it, you see?

-[kid] I can't read.

-[Lotje] Neither can I.

[kid] I can't read.

I can't read.

I can't read and I can read it.

Dear Mr. Lynch,

I'm writing to you

from Victoria Park in London.

I'm worried that I've used up

the limit of my intelligence

and it won't develop

any further from here.

That would make problems

in the trajectory of my future.

Certainly if I can't do writing

or reading...

I've had it.

Only time will tell.

Very curious.

What do we have here?

Headline,

a very long and very

interesting-looking article

about reprogramming our brains...

using crans...

No, transcranial stimulation,

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