My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 Page #3

BOOTHS line the walls. Fresh-faced REPS, from colleges from

Harvard to Phoenix University, talk to STUDENTS and PARENTS.

Slapping on a PARENT VOLUNTEER sticker, Toula looks for Ian,

sees those overbearing moms, Marge and Edie, and ducks back.

They intercept her.

TOULA:

Hey, hi!

Marge and Edie click their pens, tap their clipboards.

MARGE:

Where were you when we set up?

TOULA:

Sorry, my pipes froze --

EDIE:

And decorated the gym -

TOULA:

I had to plunge the sink -They

stare her down, clicking their pens.

MARGE:

You’re on Clean-Up.

Marge hands Toula a garbage can, they leave as Ian walks up.

IAN:

Hi.

Having been married 17 years, they barely look at each other.

TOULA:

Hi.

Ian takes the garbage can from Toula, shakes his head.

IAN:

You can say no to them.

Toula laughs ruefully.

(CONTINUED)

15

CONTINUED:

TOULA:

Sure.

IAN:

Babe, it’s been a long time since

those two made fun of your lunch --

Toula winces, remembering.

TOULA:

They called it moose-caca.

Ian nods, he’s heard it before.

Toula sees and points to Paris:

IAN:

There’s Paris ....

Paris moves to the next booth: NORTHWESTERN UNIVERSITY.

IAN (CONT’D)

Hey, if she goes to Northwestern,

she’ll stay in Chicago!

TOULA:

Please, oh please. Should we go

over there?

IAN:

Nuh uh.

Ian gently pulls Toula back.

TOULA:

Right.

MARIA (O.C.)

There she is!

Toula’s face freezes. Did she just hear her mother?

TOULA:

No no.

THE PORTOKALOS FAMILY (Gus, Maria, UNCLE TAKI, ANGELO, NIKKI,

her HUSBAND and TWO SONS, 20’s, Nick, Costa, Athena,

Aristotle in a pee-wee hockey jersey carried on the shoulders

of FOUR BROTHERS, ages 18 to 27, plus SEVERAL MALE COUSINS)

comes thundering down the aisle.

IAN:

Did you invite the family?!

(CONTINUED)

16

CONTINUED:
(2)

Toula gasps, realizes she made a mistake.

TOULA:

I told my mom.

Maria pounces on horrified Paris.

MARIA:

Be a dental hygienist! A mother

working two days a week, perfect.

Nikki pulls a COMB from her Hairdressers’s work smock.

NIKKI:

Paris, be a hairdresser like me.

As the family gives their opinions to Paris, Gus nudges Ian,

points to all the BOYS in the family.

GUS:

Ian, look, everyone has boys. You,

one girl. Vegetarian. Slow

sperms.

Maria’s cell rings.

MARIA:

It’s Thea Voula on The Facetimes.

AUNT VOULA, 60’s, appears on Maria’s iPhone.

AUNT VOULA (ON MARIA’S CELL)

I’m on my way, I was at Zumba.

Now Gus and Uncle Taki are on a bench.

GUS:

We need to find Paris a boyfriend.

UNCLE TAKI:

How about Ariana Skoufis’s boy?

GUS:

Everyone from that island has six

toes.

UNCLE TAKI:

Let’s wait until summer, we’ll

check his feet.

AT THE BOOTH:

Aunt Voula comes in still talking into her iPad.

(CONTINUED)

17

CONTINUED:
(3)

AUNT VOULA:

I don’t see you, I don’t see you. I

see you.

She hangs up, greets Maria, shows her iPad.

AUNT VOULA (CONT’D)

Look at this App, 10,000 steps, I

met my goal. Where’s Taki? He

never answers his phone.

MARIA:

(wryly)

Why stand when you can sit?

Maria points to Gus and Uncle Taki on the bench.

Gus and Uncle Taki see their wives looking over at them.

GUS:

Look tired so they’ll leave us

alone.

Gus and Uncle Taki slump.

AT THE BOOTH:

NICK:

Hey Angelo, you get my flatscreen

TV?

ANGELO:

Oh, I got it right here.

Angelo raps Nick in the groin, they laugh and wrestle.

Costa grabs his cousin Aristotle and they do the same.

MIKE (O.C.)

Alright, alright, break it up.

They ALL turn to see Ian’s long time friend, MIKE, 40’s.

IAN:

Mike! Hey buddy! You miss working

at this place?

Mike indicates the school and STUDENTS, shudders to Ian.

MIKE:

No. Too scary for me.

Mike wears a CHICAGO POLICE OFFICER uniform.

(CONTINUED)

18

CONTINUED:
(4)

MIKE (CONT’D)

Sorry we’re late -Mike

and his wife, cousin MARIANTHI, 40’s...

MARIANTHI:

-- we picked up Mana-Yiayia. Wait,

where is she?

They all look around for Mana-Yiayia.

Mike lifts a table covering to find: Gus’s mother, MANAYIAYIA,

90’s. She holds a Tupperware of:

MANA-YIAYIA

Spanakopita!

The family descends on Mana-Yiayia and eats.

Aunt Voula hands her iPad to the Northwestern Rep. The women

crowd around Paris.

AUNT VOULA:

Take a picture.

Nikki moves beside Athena.

NIKKI:

Pull my neck back.

ATHENA:

Yeah, do mine.

The women put their hands on the back of each other’s necks,

pulling back each other’s neck skin so their faces look

younger.

Paris is horrified.

Toula sees Paris watch STUDENTS walk around her giant family.

CLIFFORD:

Hey, Bennett.

Bennett. Paris turns. There he is. And he saw her family.

Toula sees this, turns to the family.

TOULA:

We should go.

NIKKI:

Why?

(CONTINUED)

19

CONTINUED:
(5)

Ian impatiently indicates the waiting Northwestern Rep.

TOULA:

So Paris can go to Northwestern.

IAN:

That’s right, she’s going to

Northwestern.

Paris scowls at that decision being made for her.

NORTHWESTERN REP

If she gets in.

The family gasps. Gus and Taki stand.

GUS:

If?!

The family murmurs. Nick and Angelo quickly step to the Rep,

pull him aside:

NICK:

(sotto)

If my niece wants to come to your

school, you’re going to say

“welcome,” got it?

ANGELO:

(sotto)

And tuition discount means a box of

steaks for you.

The Rep looks uncomfortable.

NORTHWESTERN REP

None of this is actually up to me.

No one sees Paris slip away. Gus steps up.

GUS:

She’s only coming there if you

teach Greek history.

Toula grimaces.

NORTHWESTERN REP

Of course we have a Classics

program, Greek, Italian-

Gus smirks.

(CONTINUED)

20

CONTINUED:
(6)

GUS:

The Greeks invented Italy.

NORTHWESTERN REP

Actually, no.

GUS:

Yes.

NORTHWESTERN REP

Nope.

GUS:

You Greek?

NORTHWESTERN REP

No, sir. I’m a Sephardic Jew.

GUS:

Then you Greek.

NORTHWESTERN REP

No, my family is Spanish-

GUS:

Alexander the Great went through

Spain spreading his seed. You

Greek.

Some of the family nods. Some look doubtful. Toula cringes.

MARIA:

Gus, it’s not the time.

NORTHWESTERN REP

And it’s ridiculous.

They all start arguing with the Rep and each other.

PARIS:

Hey!

No one notices her.

PARIS (CONT’D)

Hey!!

Everyone turns around. Paris holds up four pamphlets.

PARIS (CONT’D)

Alabama, Florida, Texas, New York.

These are the colleges I’m applying

to!! Far, far away from here.

(CONTINUED)

21

CONTINUED:
(7)

Everyone is stunned. Toula blurts:

TOULA:

Why do you want to leave me?

Paris’s eyes bug at that. She stalks out.

The Family is devastated by the thought of losing Paris. Gus

shakes his head to Toula.

GUS:

Didn’t I say, get your daughter a

Greek boyfriend?

Gus turns back to the Rep.

GUS (CONT’D)

And you, educate yourself! We are

all descendants of Alexander the

Great! I am for sure!

MARIA:

No, you’re not!

The family argues. Toula and Ian look miserable.

Nick and Angelo threaten the Rep. Mike shows his gun.

The Rep turns away. To Mana-Yiayia, offering spanakopita.

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