My Favorite Five Page #5

All right, let's give it a shot.

Okay, here we go.

Here we go, here we go,

- here we go.

- Ready? Go.

Ooh!

All right. Not bad, not bad.

Let's do one more.

Let's do one more.

- This is not easy.

- It's not.

No laughing

from the peanut gallery.

Here we go.

Wah!

Ahh! Yes, yes, yes, yes.

- Nice work.

- You know what?

I don't know why your father

let's you behave this way.

Behave what way?

Like some ass for sale.

- Ohh!

- Mom!

I mean it.

You know what?

I think more women should use

the power of the vajayjay.

Thank you, Jonathan.

Oh.

- Now you listening to him?

- Yeah, I was kind of

Skeptical at first, but, um...

She's seen the light.

That little,

silly audiobook of his

Makes a lot of sense.

- "My favorite five"?

- Hey, hey.

50,000 downloads so far.

So what are you gonna do

when you get married, huh?

You gonna marry five men?

I'm not getting married.

What do you mean

you're not getting married?

Why should I get married

And tie down

all of this goodness?

Why should you, indeed, sister?

Ma, you know marriage

is an antiquated,

Simple-minded notion

for needy people.

You know what?

God made women specifically

to belong to a man... one man.

Solomon had many concubines.

You know, men were also

circumcised with sharp stones.

You sure you want to long

for those good old days?

I just don't think

there's a man out there for me.

Then, honey,

Why do you always keep dating?

I date for pleasure.

Hey, there's nothing

wrong with that.

- I like that.

- Right?

Ew! Ew! Yes, there is.

Now, hailey,

I did not raise you to be,

You know, shuffling your goodies

from one man to the next.

No, you raised me

To be strong and independent.

Yes, but being independent

Does not mean being devoid

of morality.

Well, whose moral compass

Should I be following?

Yours? Dad's? Society's?

Jesus'.

Ohh!

Oh, my.

This is not baseball.

Hey, a hit is a hit. Ask Serena.

Shush.

Look, every decision

you make now will matter later.

Now, bill,

can we please try this again

Because I have got to

get my sexy back?

Absolutely.

All right, ready?

Here.

Put those over there.

You don't have a choice, Chris.

Sans, we always

have a choice, okay?

And I'm making it.

We're choosing

to do the right thing.

12:
00.

Everybody grab some food.

Lunchtime.

Now let's change the subject,

man.

How are you just gonna bail

on me like that last night?

What, I didn't bail.

You gave me the signal.

You said, "get out of..."

I saw your signal.

Man, that was foul.

That's crazy, man.

We've been friends

since we was 10 years old,

And you was gonna roll out on me

like that?

What about the time when you...?

When I what?

It was me, you...

The time you did something.

You know you did something.

I don't even know

what you're trying to say, man.

What's wrong with you?

You ain't got nothing to say?

This... this is a first.

I've been...

I've been lying to you.

About what?

Me and Roxanne.

We're not just separated.

I filed for divorce.

Divorce?

What... what... when?

A few months back.

It... it's embarrassing.

I didn't even tell my mama.

You know

I tell my mama everything.

Why?

Nothing.

It's just... we broke up.

Things got crazy.

You know what I mean?

We got divorced.

People get divorced.

She kept on

eating all my cereal,

And then

she'd mess with the remote

And she cheated

And she drove my car

and took all the gas.

- Who does that?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Back up.

You said she used the remote,

and then what?

After the remote,

Then she cheated.

A player got played.

"A player got played"?

That... that... that... that...

That...

That's your Dr. Phil moment

right there?

"The player got played"?

It should have been Debbie

the whole time.

I told you I love Debbie.

Remember?

I used to call her

"little Debbie."

We ate the little Debbie snacks.

Yeah, Debbie had

four different baby daddies.

And you cheated on Debbie.

Look, this was not my girl, man.

And it's not about me, anyway.

What's it about, then?

It's about you.

Cuz, you live in two extremes.

It's one thing or the other

with you, man.

You need to find some...

Some middle ground.

Last year, you're,

"I need to be engaged.

I found my soul mate in Sandra."

You bought her

two engagement rings.

"The love

is gonna last two lifetimes."

Remember all that?

And this year, you a damn monk.

I don't need to worry

About women, okay?

Women... they're not vulnerable

anymore, okay?

They're not honest.

All right, man?

They're just full of games.

I ain't got time for games.

I remember when girls

were honest.

You mean back

when Eve bit the apple?

Women ain't never

been honest, man,

And, Chris,

everybody plays the game.

Yeah, well,

I'm done with games, man.

- I don't play them no more.

- Everybody plays the game,

- Chris.

- Oh.

Oh, my gosh. I am so sorry.

Am I interrupting something?

What the hell?

Yeah, yeah, I know.

What... what...

What are you doing here?

Well, I was just in the area

And thought I would... drop by.

You was just visiting another,

Um, neighboring warehouse?

Wait, wait. How... how...

How did you know

where we worked?

I mean,

how do you know my last name?

Gyrate media. I googled you.

She googled you.

That's not scary at all.

Well, anyway,

I was just wondering

If maybe you wanted to

get some lunch.

Well, actually,

Uh, sans and i...

We have lunch plans.

We have to discuss

a couple things.

- Oh.

- No, actually, I'm cool.

We just discussed all the

business we need to right now.

'Cause I got things to chase,

right? Hmm?

Do you know what a signal is?

You ever see somebody

give a signal?

'Cause you ever see somebody

give a signal like...?

Do you like monk food?

I don't know what that is.

He'll tell you.

Oh.

- So?

- Lunch?

Why don't I take you to lunch?

Oh.

Are you sure you're not

gonna have anything?

No, no, no, please.

Go ahead.

I-I never eat lunch.

Really?

Really, I, uh... thank you.

I just need time

to take the mental break.

Hmm.

So, what do you do

professionally?

Uh, I work for

an accounting firm.

Really? Which one?

Oh, it's just a-a small firm.

Oh, I'll definitely

have to keep you in mind.

I'm looking to move some things

around financially.

Oh, I'm sure I can help.

So, seeing anyone?

Christopher:

The dreaded question.

Isn't it, uh, a little late

to be asking that?

No. Not at all.

We're still above lying.

Uh, what do you mean?

Lunch, not dinner.

Iced tea, not wine.

Aha. I see.

No.

No, I'm definitely

not seeing anyone right now.

That's a big clich.

What do you mean?

Oh, I mean, a handsome guy...

Polite, respectful,

playing hard to get.

Oh, you...

You think I'm playing?

It's the oldest game

in the book.

- Yes.

- No, no.

No, no.

No, no, no games.

You... you definitely

got me all wrong.

Do I?

- Yes.

- Hmm.

Hailey, I'm just, um...

I'm waiting for someone special.

I see.

So, um, what does

this mystery woman look like?

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