My Fellow Americans Page #5

I'll look for the exhibit

in your library.

Okay. I got one.

When you were in the White House,

who were you most excited to meet?

Nelson Mandela

- I'm not a reporter.

- Ella Fitzgerald.

Mandela was a great man,

but he couldn't sing.

Joe DiMaggio. That was a thrill.

What?

Eighty million.

That's how many people

voted against me last time out.

That's how many people didn't...

...trust me, didn't...

...like me...

...didn't...

Who knows?

I stayed in bed for a week and a half

after they voted me out.

Let's stop talking.

We're about to bond. I'll vomit

Go to hell.

Now that's better.

What time you got?

Screw you.

Hold it, hold it.

I think I hear people.

Wayne, slow down. That bacon

doesn't have wings... it won't fly away.

I want to get back on the road.

Sweet Jesus.

Good morning.

It's wonderful to see

an American family out...

...enjoying the splendor of our land.

President Kramer?

Yes, ma'am.

I'm so pleased to meet you. Sit down.

That's all. You can put it at ease.

I'm on a fact-finding mission from

the Department of the interior.

Are the rest areas conveniently

located and well maintained?

Oh, yes, sir.

'Morning.

President Douglas.

it's been a delight speaking to you.

Don't forget, these woods

are your heritage.

Enjoy them and protect them.

They deserve our respect.

These trees are like our children.

Get in the damn car!

We're just south of Galax, Virginia.

In a few miles we hit 77.

That takes us directly into Ohio.

We're fine.

Unless we run into trouble.

Which I predict we won't.

If you told us how important

the mission was...

...we'd have loaned you

the car straight out.

Again, we apologize, but those boys

from the Department of the Interior...

...can be very secretive.

We're just happy you're headed

for Cleveland.

We're happy to do our part.

Another out-of-state license plate.

We're hoping to spot all 50 states.

We're getting there.

Can anyone make that one out?

Looks llike a "U."

Utah!

That's a U.S. government plate.

Guy looks like a cop.

Hey, good buddy!

God bless America!

Hey, goodbuddy!

God bless America!

Keep on trucking!

Wave, Kevin!

He wasn't too friendly now,

was he?

Mom, the Presidents are squishing me!

Isn't this fun?

We're never getting to Ohio.

Not the way this guy drives.

Every 500 feet they stop to take

another damn picture.

The Donner Party moved faster.

Shut up. I'm trying to sleep.

Oh, my God he's squeezing

my breast again.

This time, pretend not to enjoy it.

Shut your cakehole, Douglas.

We'd have been fine outside in the tent,

but thanks for sharing the beds.

It means a lot.

You know, we voted for you.

I'm sorry about that, sir.

We're Republicans.

At least you can admit it.

That's the first step

towards recovery.

I'm hot.

How much longer to Cleveland?

I may have to call the department,

tell them when to expect us.

About eight to ten hours.

After we drop you off...

...i might take the family up

to see Mount Rushmore.

One of America's greatest

natural wonders, son.

Not really.

It's not a natural wonder

A man by the name of

Gutzon Borglum carved it.

Someone carved it?

That ruins the whole thing.

Diaper Patrol, Matt.

We'll need those Pampers again.

Oh, boy...

Is he healthy?

Who's on Mount Rushmore?

There's Abe Lincoln.

He chopped down the cherry tree.

There's Franklin Theodore Roosevelt.

He kilt him a bear

when he was only three.

You got to be kidding, right?

Lincoln's mixed up with Washington.

Roosevelt, with Davy Crockett.

Do you have any idea

what you're talking about?

No disrespect, sir,

but you're in my car.

You're in my country.

Our country.

Get your facts straight.

How do you expect your son

to respect history?

That kind of ignorance is dangerous.

- What about our nation right now?

- Wayne, don't.

The country's falling apart.

People are losing their homes.

They can't find work.

You're talking about ignorance.

You're the ignorant ones. Both of ya.

You've ignored

the voice of the people.

The voice of the people.

There is no such thing.

You got 240 million voices

all yelling for something different.

The only thing you all agree on

is you don't want higher taxes.

The voice of the people.

My fanny.

Pull over, Wayne.

Kevin, run, throw this

in the trash for Mama, okay?

There we go.

Please get out of our car.

Listen, I'm sorry...

We invited you into our home...

...not our car.

Our home.

We lost our jobs because of

your budget cuts, President Kramer.

And we lost our home...

...because of your...

...economic downturn...

...President Douglas.

All we have now

is the slim chance of a job...

...at my uncle's factory in Cleveland.

So I will ask you once again...

Please...

...get out of our car.

Joe, it's me.

Where are you?

What's going on?

I'm with Kramer.

Are you kidding me?

Haney had Charlie Reynolds killed,

now they're trying to kill us.

What? Haney?

I'm pretty sure.

He sent Marine One for us.

We escaped before it blew up.

My God.

I didn't want to call anyone,

but you're the only person I trust.

Listen, get in touch

with the CIA contacts.

See if they can find out

what this is about.

Keep out of sight.

It's okay.

I haven't seen any NSA today

so I'm guessing we lost them.

They're moving north.

What a coincidence

So are we.

Oh, baby.

Excuse me.

How much is that piece of pie?

$1.50.

Never mind.

But thank you.

Here you go.

It's on the house.

I'm sorry I couldn't do that.

I said it was on the house, old man.

Old man?!

Old man.

Okay, let's go.

What's wrong?

I just want to get out of here.

I'm calling my wife.

I don't give a damn

if the phone is tapped.

Do what you want, but when the NSA

shows up, we'll know who gave us away.

Good morning.

Oh, my!

Oh, my! is this for real?

Is this a joke or what?

- No, it's really us.

- No! Get out of here!

Get out!

What's wrong? Oh, my God!

- President Douglas!

- And President Kramer!

On our shift!

We'd like to rent a car.

We only have two cars left

because of the livestock auction.

Would you like a Hyundai or a Lexus?

- Stupid' stupid, stupid.

- Oh, I'm sorry!

Miss Airhead at your service.

Now we'll need to see

some identification, please.

Well?

What? I haven't driven myself

since my first year in the House.

Give me a second.

There, like riding a bike.

Will you stop whistling please?

I'm trying to sleep over here.

Sleeping too much

is a sign of depression.

Keep whistling and I'll put

a depression in your skull.

We've. got eight hours

before we get to the library.

I'm trying to stay alert.

I hate that song.

- So do I

- I made up words to the damn thing.

I made up words to "Hail to the Chief. "

I sing them to myself when I hear it.

I made up words too.

- Let me hear yours.

- You go first.

No, you do yours,

then I'll sing mine.

"Hail to the Chief, he's the chief

and he needs hailing.

"He is the Chief, so everybody

hail like crazy. "

That's more or less how it...

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