My Friend Irma Page #5

I'm a fool.

I should have said, "Forget

Park Avenue and Richard Rhinelander."

I should have said, "You're my kind of girl."

Then I should have taken her in my arms

and said, "Love is the important thing."

Then I should have said...

So say it, already,

kiss me, and we'll all get some sleep.

"Mail in the middle. Letters on the left."

"Pipe."

"Likes tobacco kept moist."

- That ought to do it.

- It certainly should.

Mr. Rhinelander.

Do you know I keep tobacco in there?

Not goldfish.

- But it says... I mean...

- Do you mind if I see what it says?

"Tips from Alice."

- I'll go now.

- No, please stay.

"Shy while dictating."

Shy while dictating?

"Smokes pipe after luncheon.

- "Monday, directors' meeting."

- I'm sorry, I was just trying to be efficient.

Really? Now that my life's an open book,

let's examine yours.

Now, let's see. Name? Jane Stacey, correct?

Correct.

- Age?

- Just leave a question mark.

Question mark?

Now, then, you live

at the Barbizon Home for Women, right?

Wrong. I have a charming apartment

on West 73rd Street.

I see.

Well, you live alone with a mother

who adores you.

No, I live with a roommate

named Irma who...

Who is a secretary like yourself, correct?

No, Irma's a novelist.

Well, you see, I'm no good at biography.

Maybe I'll get your friend, the novelist,

to write it some day.

Well, I'm afraid she wouldn't have time,

because, you see, besides her novel...

she's also engaged to be married

to a very nice young fellow.

What does he do?

He works for the government.

He's a collector.

I see. Well, now let's get back to my life.

Excuse me.

Tuesday night,

you have dinner at the Stork Club.

- But with whom?

- With Dorothy Danbury.

Oh, yes.

Miss Stacey, do you like the Stork Club?

- I've never been there, Mr. Rhinelander.

- Well, good, then it's about time you went.

How would you like to go with me tonight?

- Who, me?

- Yes, you. Why not?

- Unless you don't care...

- But I do. I'd love to.

- Good. Then it's Stork Club tonight.

- Oh, yes. Yes, sir.

... if you can identify the name of the song

and who's singing it.

And so, don't forget to listen tonight

when some lucky person will win...

- $50,000 worth of merchandise.

- I won't.

Remember, tonight over the same station,

it's your Lucky Jackpot Program...

with the grand prize

of $50,000 worth of merchandise...

so be sure you're home...

- because we may call you.

- "Irma, stay home tonight.

"They may call me."

Miss Peterson, didn't you hear that buzzer?

I wasn't sure.

There was an airplane overhead, and...

Is something wrong?

No. No, there's nothing wrong.

Everything's lovely.

But will you please tell me where that letter

to the Goodrich Company is?

It's very simple. I filed it where it belongs,

under "R."

- Goodrich under "R"?

- That's right.

Good and rich means well-off,

and who do you know that's well-off?

- Rockefeller.

- That's right.

So I filed it under "R."

I should have fired you months ago,

but I can't.

It would take me years

to find out where you keep things.

- Where's your shorthand book?

- I didn't bring it.

You didn't? And why not?

I didn't know

you wanted to give me dictation.

Of course not. I'm just lonely.

I invited you in here

because I want to dance.

All right, Mr. Clyde.

Will you get that shorthand book

before I go crazy?

Yes, Mr. Clyde.

I don't know why you get upset so easily.

Silly man, gets himself upset

for no reason at all. Let's see.

Where could I have put that notebook?

Gee, I must finish that some day.

Let's see now. I took a letter on Monday...

Oh, it rained Tuesday. That's it.

- Hiya, Chicken.

- Hello, Al, honey.

Got terrific news for you. Got Steve booked

to sing at Coney Island tonight.

Al, that's wonderful.

Not only that, but have opened a little

office, and the boys are living with me.

Chicken, am really rolling now.

Al, I always knew you'd succeed.

I just can't wait to hear

all the wonderful things people say...

- about you after you're dead.

- Thanks, Chicken.

Now, since the kid will be

a little nervous tonight...

and since he seems to be stuck on Jane...

will naturally make things smoother

all around...

if Jane was to show up with you

at Coney Island tonight.

Well, that's a cinch.

Jane has no place to go.

- Just pick us up at 8:00.

- Great.

- How about a little kiss for good luck?

- Sure, Al.

Miss Peterson, do you mind if I interrupt?

I'm sorry, but I can't kiss anybody but Al.

Mr. Clyde, why are you lying there,

kicking your feet?

Irma, I've got the most wonderful news.

Jane, I laid out all your things,

because the boys will be here any minute...

to pick us up, and we don't want to be late.

- Late for what?

- AI's gotten Steve a tryout...

at Coney Island,

and we're going out there to root for him.

Coney Island? Are you kidding?

Take a look at this.

Three weeks' salary.

And where do you think

your little roommate...

Jane Stacey, is going tonight?

Well, to the Stork Club,

dancing to the smooth rhythms...

of Xavier Cugat and his orchestra.

- And guess with whom?

- Xavier Cugat?

No, honey, with no one else

but my boss, Richard Rhinelander.

Irma, he's falling for me like a ton of bricks.

Jane, Steve will be so disappointed.

Al told him you were coming,

now you're scaring like a Welsh rabbit.

I know you understand, honey.

Now, look, I've got to hurry...

because I told him I'd meet him

at the Plaza Bar at 7:30.

Hi, Al.

Kids, let's not stand around.

Let's get on the ball.

Tonight's the night. Come on, Jane,

how's about getting dressed?

Time is money. Have rented the boys

tuxedos on an hourly basis.

Don't want to stand around

and eat up the profits.

Jane's not going with us, Al.

She's going to the Stork Club.

The boss came through already, huh?

Yes, I am going out with Mr. Rhinelander.

Do you mind?

I think a girl can go where she wants to

without everybody inquiring...

into her business and staring at her

as though she were a criminal.

I'm hungry.

Look, boys, you better get down there

and go over your music.

Chicken and I will be there

in time for the show.

- You fellows got cab fare?

- No.

Here.

Here are the directions how to get there.

Al...

Al, if you say one thing about Jane, I'll...

She's none of the things you're thinking.

I wouldn't trust that dame any more

than I would my own personal check.

How could she do this?

Demoralizing my star on his opening night?

- She'll hear you.

- I do not care if she does.

But, Al, Jane's ambitious,

and this is a great opportunity for her.

After all, how often does a girl

meet a millionaire with money?

A millionaire with money?

Chicken, you really think Jane

has a chance with that Rhinelander guy?

Of course.

Might have a thought there, Chicken.

If Jane could land this guy,

we, as her first dependents, must benefit.

We might cook up a little deal.

But only if it's legitimate,

and he knows about it.

Well, naturally, Chicken, naturally.

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