My Friend Irma Page #6

Got a new angle.

If I could talk to the guy

for about five minutes...

Tell me, what time does the sucker...

Richard arrive here?

He isn't coming here.

Jane's meeting him at the Plaza Bar at 7:30.

Meeting a man at a bar?

She's gonna ruin everything.

- What do you mean, Al?

- Will explain.

- Chicken, do you think of Jane as a sister?

- Many times.

Good. Then that makes her my sister-in-law.

Ain't gonna have anybody

in my family running around like that.

- Must get to a phone.

- But we have a phone.

The Professor.

Hello? Want to talk to Mr. Rhinelander,

please.

- Okay, Chicken, get on the phone.

- But I don't know what to say.

Just say you're calling for Miss Jane Stacey.

She's been delayed, she's only half-dressed,

and it would take a load off her mind...

if you would pick her up at her house

instead of at the bar. Got it?

Got it word for word. Hello.

Just to play it safe, let me have it back.

She would like you to pick her up here

because she's half-dressed, half-loaded...

- and would be a very easy pickup.

- Hold it, Chicken.

Forget what I said.

Just invite the guy straight.

- Yes?

- Hello.

Miss Jane Stacey asked me

to give you a message.

She wants you to pick her up

at her apartment...

at 185, 73rd Street...

at 7:
00.

- All right. I'll be there.

- Goodbye.

- He's coming, Al.

- Great, Chicken.

- Now, got anything to drink at your place?

- We have milk.

Milk! Chicken, this guy's a multimillionaire,

a blue blood.

He's used to the best.

I'll go out

and get a couple of bottles of beer.

- Chicken, stop clowning around.

- I'm sorry, Al.

Irma, will you see who it is?

You'll have to go.

I'm making my eyes up to sparkle.

All right. It's probably Mrs. O'Reilly.

Mrs...

- I beg your pardon, Madam.

- Mr. Rhinelander.

- Miss Stacey?

- What are you doing here?

Well, I was told to pick you up at 7:00,

but I'm very sorry if I'm early.

Why, Jane, I don't think it's very nice of you

to keep your guest in the hall.

- Won't you please come in, Mr. Rhinelander?

- Yes, thank you.

Why, Jane, aren't you going to introduce us?

Yes. Mr. Rhinelander,

this is my roommate, Irma Peterson.

Miss Peterson, how do you do?

Miss Stacey told me about you.

- I understand you write.

- Of course, and I read very well, too.

Well, I do have a little trouble

with my spelling.

I beg your pardon?

- Irma has a great sense of humor.

- Yeah.

My sparkle.

Mr. Rhinelander, if you'll just make

yourself comfortable, I won't be a minute.

Jane, you go ahead and get dressed...

and I'll have a nice,

long chat with Mr. Rhinelander.

- No, darling, I need you in the bedroom.

- But who'll stay with Mr. Rhinelander?

Who called for the beer-man?

Well, company.

What a delightful surprise.

Mr. Rhinelander, that's my fianc, Al.

- How do you do?

- Well, nice knowing you, Richard.

There, Jane, now you don't have to worry.

Richard has someone to chat with,

and I can help you dress.

Don't things work out wonderfully?

Yes, wonderfully. Wonderfully.

If you'll excuse us, Mr. Rhinelander.

Oh, that's...

Be right with you, Rich.

Irma Peterson,

this is some of yours and Al's work.

Jane, we only wanted to save

your reputation.

- Meeting a man at a bar.

- Save my reputation?

Letting him come to this awful rooming

house and see me looking like a savage.

But think how much nicer you'll look to him

after you get dressed up.

- Oh, Irma.

- Don't be upset.

He's comfortable in there,

and I know he'll get along with Al famously.

Famously? If Richard reaches for his wallet,

he'll shake hands with Al.

- Sounds good?

- Well, frankly, Mr...

Friend, just call me, Al.

Well, frankly, Al, you see...

my business is stocks and bonds.

I know very little about show business.

Safest investment in the world.

It hasn't been for me on several occasions.

You see, I'm fairly conservative...

but they nicked my mother on a couple

of turkeys, and, naturally, I'm a little leery.

Friend, understand your attitude.

Will not press the point.

- Thank you.

- But about the other matter.

Now, look, since you say Jane has set

her heart on going to Coney Island...

I don't mind accepting your invitation,

because I've never been there.

You'll love it. If you're anything like me,

you get bored with those fancy places.

Yeah.

Well, I'm ready. Shall we go?

Yes, we'd better get started.

It's a long drive to Coney Island.

Coney Island?

Why, sure, Al told me it's your favorite spot.

And I'd like to go. Is it all right?

Coney Island. Yes, yes.

If you'd really like to go.

Sure, I think it might be fun.

I'm so pleased I could die.

Ladies first.

- My hat.

- AI swung it.

That's the way I'd like to see Al, swinging.

I can't understand that Mr. Ubang.

Who does he think he is,

keeping two big artists waiting?

Take it easy.

Stop using that lamp to get a suntan.

- You wanna get electrocuted?

- I'm only doing it because I'm nervous.

And don't tell me not to be.

All temperamental artists

before an opening are nervous.

- Mr. Laird?

- That's me. Mr. Ubang?

- Yeah. Pleased to know you.

- Glad to know you.

I'm Seymour.

Mr. Laird, my brother

over at the Gypsy Tea Room...

said that you're a very fine singer.

- Well, I do the best I can.

- Don't be modest. I'm great, Mr. Ubang.

We're all set to go to work tonight.

The team of Seymour and Steve.

Before we start,

there's one thing I have to know.

- Where's the money?

- Seymour.

Just a minute. Just a minute, please.

Are you a team?

Certainly,

didn't your brother tell you about me?

Yes. Yes, he did tell me about you.

Well, Mr. Laird, this is a tryout, you know.

You'll probably do about two numbers.

- Fine.

- How about me? How long do I work?

You work the whole evening.

- The whole evening?

- Yes, throughout.

Wow, Mr. Ubang,

I'm glad to see you know good talent.

- Fortunately, I have enough material.

- Yeah. I'm...

Would you like to see

some of my impersonations?

I do Barry Fitzgerald. Watch this one.

Father O'Malley, I'd like for you to know

that there's no possible way...

- Come on.

- Lf you don't like that, I can do seals.

Watch this. A male seal. A female seal.

A male and a female seal.

A baby seal.

- Let's go to a dressing room, please.

- All right.

Mr. Ubang, there's a third party here.

What about me?

- Do you like the way I'm dressed?

- Oh, no, you need something else.

Well, what time does the show start?

Mr. Laird will start in about an hour,

but you start right away.

Well, I'm ready. Where's my public?

They'll be clamoring for you

in a few minutes.

Where am I gonna put that car?

Where am I gonna put that...

I'm coming. I'm coming.

So this is the public that's clamoring for me?

Never mind your public. Park the car.

All right, I hear you.

Watch it, fellow.

Look, Al, there's Seymour's twin brother

parking the car.

I ain't got no twin brother.

It's me, Seymour...

and what's happening to me

shouldn't happen to a dog...

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