My Friend Irma Goes West Page #7

- What?

I come from a fighting family.

We fight these things off quickly.

- Hardy stock, you know.

- Wait a minute.

Irma Peterson, did you purposely get sick...

to keep me from going

to the opening tonight?

Jane, how can you say such things?

Never mind, you better tell me the truth.

Now, Jane, don't pump me.

Irma, are you keeping something from me

that I should know?

Jane, you can beat me, you can torture me,

you can wrack me on the wheel...

you can quarter me

into six and a half pieces.

But you'll never find out from me

that Yvonne, the French actress...

is responsible for Steve's singing

at the Lucky Dollar Club.

Yvonne. Yvonne?

That woman we saw on the train?

Yes. But I refuse to answer.

Why, that French...

That French...

And Steve promised me

he'd never see her again.

Now you understand why we didn't want you

to go to the opening tonight.

Not go? Are you kidding?

Why, I'll give him an opening

that'll close both his eyes.

All right, Jane,

but remember, I didn't tell you.

Let's not go back to the table.

Let's go over to the bungalow,

and we'll talk about the script.

I'm gonna level with you.

You've been very decent

to give me this break...

but I'm in love with someone else.

So what? Every man is in love.

That's what make it interesting.

But you don't understand.

She and I are gonna get married tonight.

Married? But that's for peasant.

Well, I'm pretty much of a peasant myself.

So long.

Well, it's too bad. You're such a nice boy.

So I'll say, au revoir.

- Well, Lafayette's mother, I'm here.

- Jane, honey, where've you been?

I missed your opening,

but I arrived in time to close you out.

Here, here's your ring.

Wear it through your nose,

so she can lead you around on a leash.

Jane.

Now that you are single, come with me.

What is this?

Well, that's what gives the house

a little edge.

You mean, you cannot lose?

Lose? The house lose?

Don't even think like that, my friend.

- That isn't healthy.

- Got you.

Good luck, my boy. We'll be around.

- Al.

- Chicken.

Told you, never bust

into my place of business.

Al, I got terrible news.

Jane found out about Yvonne

and had a fight with Steve...

- and she's going back to New York.

- So what?

Al, did you hear what I said?

I said Jane found...

Look, chicken, am not interested in Jane.

Steve was a big hit tonight,

and with the little job I'm doing here...

we got a one-way ticket on that gravy train.

Al, we're opening in a few minutes.

Come on over and check in.

Am coming.

Now, chicken,

run along and rejoice in your good fortune.

Before you know it, you will be Mrs. Al.

Mrs. Al.

My Al, respectable businessman.

Al. He's so untidy.

He'll lose a job

if he doesn't keep this place neat.

The things I have to do

to help that mars career.

Oh, well, a man is only as good

as the woman behind him.

Jane, you can't do this. You can't go back.

Irma Peterson, the less you say, the better.

But Jane, I thought

it was for your own good.

For my own good?

Locking me in this room

on my wedding night...

while you pretend to be dying...

so that Steve can be alone

with that French, man-eating shark.

Letting that deadbeat boyfriend of yours...

and that quack doctor

make a fool out of me.

Jane, you're wrong,

he wasrt a quack doctor.

He was a lumberjack.

I should have known

when I saw him examining your head.

Now, if you'll do me a favor,

you'll get out.

But Jane, we've been friends

for so many years.

We were friends.

- Something wrong, miss?

- Everything's wrong.

You see, Jane's angry at Steve...

and she thinks

I was trying to make a monkey out of her.

- I don't think you'd understand.

- I don't think anybody would.

Can we drive you anyplace, miss?

Yes, would you drive me

to the Quicksand Club?

Sure. Hop in, sister.

It was awfully sweet of you boys

to give me a lift.

That's all right, ma'am. Happy to do it.

Next time you have a firemars ball,

count me in.

Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen.

Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen.

15, black.

Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen.

8, black.

Take it easy.

That might have been an accident.

Place your bets.

24, black.

Seems like everybody's lucky tonight.

Take over, Jeff.

Place your bets, ladies and gentlemen.

But, tell you, didn't do it.

Don't know what happened.

Well, don't worry about it. We'll find out.

The autopsy will show everything.

Look, friend,

you can only double-cross us once.

You cost us $50,000.

You're going on your last ride. Get in.

Hold it, the cops.

Chicken!

Chicken, they are taking me for a ride.

Is that wonderful?

You only worked for them one night

and already they're entertaining you.

- Thank you, officers. I found him.

- Okay.

Honey, I...

Take a last look at your boyfriend, sister.

We are bumping him off.

Bumping him off?

After the way he worked for you?

And I cut the wires,

so the wheels wouldn't be so messy.

- So. You're both in on it?

- Yes.

- Snatch the dame, Pete.

- Come on, in.

Look, fellas,

you got nothing against us personally.

You're out $50,000.

How are you gonna get it back

if you kill the two of us?

- What are you getting at?

- Can raise the dough, friend.

- Am willing to offer security.

- What kind?

You can hold my girlfriend.

Al, would you trust me with strange men?

Will only be for 24 hours.

Know I can depend on you, chicken.

Well, what do you say, fellas?

What do you say?

Pull up the car, Pete. All right, get out.

You better have $50,000

at the Quicksand Club in 24 hours...

- or you'll never see this dame again.

- Do not worry, friend.

Goodbye, chicken. Take care of yourself.

Sheriff!

My girl, somebody's kidnapped my girl.

Kidnapped? What's your name, bud?

Al. Work at the Quicksand Club.

Quicksand Club, huh?

Ain't that that shady spot outside of town?

Yeah. What were you doing there?

Bartender.

Look, Sheriff, don't make me talk so much.

You don't know what I've been through.

Four men jumped my girl and me.

Fought like a wild man.

Had them all licked.

When they were joined by a fifth guy,

who blackjacked me.

Take it easy, pardner.

How do we know this story's on the level?

You gotta believe me! You gotta believe me!

Hey, that's the man. That's him.

Bill, if this guy's story is true...

we got something

on the Corrigan mob at last.

- Corrigan mob? - Yeah, they're

a bunch of hoodlums. Killers.

We run a clean town. Legitimate gambling.

Been trying to get something

on these boys, to run them out of town.

Bill, flash the alarm.

We got a kidnapping rap on them.

Calling all cars. Calling all cars.

Jane.

Steve, please don't tell me

any more of your lies. We're finished.

But, Jane, it's all a mistake.

You're right. It was all a mistake.

Au revoir.

Jane, how can I make you believe me?

I've told you Yvonne means nothing to me.

It's all over, honey.

There never was anything in the first place.

Nothing you can say

would make me change my mind.

We interrupt this program

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