My Man Is a Loser Page #10

- Okay, all right.

- You're welcome.

- Talk to you tomorrow. See you guys.

- Thanks. Awesome.

And Mike, she's gonna love this!

I think you're doing

something really great here.

- We shall see.

- Yep.

Okay. Well, I will see you at the bar.

- Tomorrow. Yeah.

- Okay.

All right.

- Bye. Bye.

- Bye.

- I'll see you at work.

- Okay. See you at work.

- Bye. Don't be late.

- Bye. Yeah.

My beautiful wife...

- Paul! Spine! Jesus!

- Sorry.

God, you smell so damn good.

Paul, that is my jugular.

Please, baby, just go to sleep.

ok3Y-

I'm just a little tired.

Paul. Your penis is in my lower lumbar.

- It is?

- You're f***ing my C7.

- Is that bad?

- Yes!

ok3Y-

Ass to ass? Paul, really?

- I'm doing my thing.

- Just do it further over there.

All right, okay, sorry.

I didn't know you were allergic to me.

Emily's recital is on Saturday.

Do not forget and do not make plans.

Is that... The recital, that's

in the afternoon, right?

No.

Babe,

that's the night

we're taking the Australians out.

Somehow they let us back

in the race for this deal.

I'm sorry. This is the one

night I cannot miss.

I know I can close this deal.

You reminded me about this a lot, right?

I'm gonna join you, sweets!

The new me is the old me,

and the old me is back.

Marty, I don't need the old you.

- This you is fine.

- Well, maybe just a little bit of him.

- Yeah, maybe a dash.

- Okay.

Minus the whole vest thing.

- You can never be too careful.

- Hey, Marty!

She got everything but the bike, man.

The bike's all mine!

She got everything

but the bike in the settlement.

- Oh, wow.

- Holy sh*t.

She'll try and take this one from me,

but I'm not gonna let her!

- Yeah, f*** em, Danny.

- Really?

- I love you guys.

- Love you, too.

I gotta go. I think

somebody's following me.

All right, Danny!

Oh, poor Danny...

All right, let's go.

Seriously, babe, the vest?

Hey, does Superman wear a cape? Let's go.

What, are you helping

kids cross the street? Come on!

Let's get it in!

Yeah, let's get it in, Marty. Come on.

- Give me the old Marty.

- I'm here.

Yeah! Put it in, baby!

Shares of Marty went up today

as he learned that

just showing up in your wife's life

means a lot.

Things were looking up for Mike,

but let's hope it's not too late.

His stock was soaring,

and took a downturn this afternoon,

dropping eight points.

Hey, baby. Sorry,

I'm gonna be home pretty late, I think.

- I'll see you later. What's this?

- Your bag.

- For what? My bag?

- I need you out of the house.

What are you talking about? Why?

It's not a yes or no, Paul.

I already talked to Emily.

I want you out. I need some time.

We're working this out. I'm fixing this.

This isn't something

that can be fixed right now.

Look, I'm sorry

I'm going to miss the recital, okay?

But this is the biggest

meeting of our lives.

What do you think

pays the bills around here?

What do you think puts designer shoes

and designer bags on you

and all the other sh*t?

All the other sh*t?

See that's exactly what it is, it's sh*t.

- I couldn't give a sh*t! Look at me!

- What do you want from me?

What do you want from me?

I'm doing everything I can.

Something so simple!

Just turn around. Turn around.

- Turn around?

- Turn around!

Just do it!

What color am I wearing?

Is my hair up or down?

Did you see Emily

before she left for school this morning?

Yes.

What did she have on?

You know what, I'll make it easy for you.

Was she wearing pants or shorts?

Could you see her knees?

Just come back when you can be here.

Just...

And that's how we got here.

- Hey, what's up?

- Hey.

I'll get a hotel.

What? No, come in. This is Amy.

Laura.

I gotta crash for the night.

For sure. Come on.

You okay?

Let me know if my package gets here.

I had something overnighted.

Maybe I'd be happier with that and this.

Maybe I'd be a better father

if I did what you do.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I

can't let you do this.

The single life

is not for you.

Two weeks in the single life

and you'd end up in the ER

with all kinds of sh*t.

You'd be limping for no reason.

No way, my friend.

This life is not for you.

You got nobody to stress you out

when you walk in the door.

You know, you got nobody to point out

your flaws on a daily basis.

No one.

Not for you, buddy.

Not for you.

Hey. How'd you sleep?

I didn't.

I don't know, Mike.

Maybe I just need more time

on this side of the fence.

- Really?

- I think so.

No, maybe you're right.

I mean, my life is great.

You know, I have no one to nag me,

no one to tell me where to be at any time.

Exactly.

I also don't have a beautiful

little daughter to run into my arms

and tell me how much she loves me

at the end of a hard day's work.

Or a wife who's going stand by my side,

God forbid something happens to me.

So when you say to me, "Mike,

"your life is great, man,

you don't have any strings.

"You have no one to hassle you,

you have no one to worry about."

You're right. I don't.

Also in my crazy, frenetic life

that you're so in awe of...

I've been late on three payments to the bar

and they're threatening to file suit

if I don't pay six months in advance,

which I don't have.

- Whoa! I didn't know that.

- No, no, no.

It's fine. It's my life.

I'll take care of it. But...

Please don't leave my sister alone.

You don't want my life.

You look good.

Yeah, I feel good.

Today I peed standing up

and remembered to take my pills.

It was a big day around here.

You look a little tired. Are you all right?

- You and Mom had a good thing, right?

- Yeah.

How'd you make that work for so long?

I kept my mouth shut,

I agreed with everything she said

and I slept around a little bit.

- Dad!

" "1 Joking

I just think Paul is

screwing up on purpose.

Well, Carlin said it best, I think.

"Men are stupid. Women are crazy."

That's what you got for me?

"Men are stupid, women are crazy"?

Listen, sweetheart,

I'm sure Paul's going

to do the right thing.

I'm sure he will.

Mike, I'm telling you. I can't tell

you how much I appreciate this.

My pleasure, I got you covered.

Your boys are gonna, they're going to

pay double for your company

by the time I'm done with them.

We got girls, we got alcohol,

Clarissa is bringing some of her friends.

Good, good, good, good. All right, good.

- Yo, yo, yo, Mikey G.

- Hey, how are you?

- How you doing, guys?

- Good, good, good, good.

I'll give you some dough,

give you some dough.

Noah tells me you have

some businessmen coming

and we are to ensure their good time.

Yeah. Every 24 minutes,

send over a new girl to socialize.

I want to keep them distracted yet focused.

Damn, Tara, you look good.

How's the ex and the dog situation going?

- Lost the ex, kept the dog.

- Good.

Three bottles of vodka,

and send over a bottle of Don Julio

to step up the imagination.

- All right? Good.

- You got it.

You're like an orchestra conductor.

Yes. That I am.

I think of you as someone to,

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