My Year Without Sex Page #4

we give our very best,

But you can't beat

the boys of the Bulldog breed.

We're the team of the mighty west.

- Yeah.

- Woo!

Have you guys got any card...

- Hey Dad.

- Hi, Uncle Ross.

- Hey.

- Hi, Uncle Ross.

We had a funeral for Puffybrains.

The fish?

And Margaret kindly...

Margaret?

Margie Allen. Oh!

You're Margie Allen!

Local Talent.

The band?

I didn't even recognise you.

Oh God, I loved that song.

Sex... something?

- Sex?

- Sex Symbol.

One hit wonders.

You remember the eighties?

Ross is the only one.

He was the good boy

behind the mixing desk.

No, but you were great live.

I mean you were...

I remember this one gig

at the Prince and you...

It's great.

I can't believe Louis

cared so much about that fish.

He barely looked at it

when it was alive.

I can't believe

your Margaret is Margie Allen.

Still, I guess she did have

a pretty serious drug problem.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, you know, most converts

come off a pretty low base, don't they?

Then they can't wait to inflict

their beliefs on everyone else.

Worse than ex-smokers.

She just believes what she believes.

She tried to convert you?

Has she?

Hey? "Praise the Lord!".

No.

Well, I wouldn't let her baby-sit.

Why don't you just get on top and start,

so we don't have time to get...

thingy...

and we can worry about it being good

once we've got

the first time out of the way.

Gee, you make it sound so attractive.

Well, don't then.

Where are the condoms?

What?

I don't know.

Why can't I ever find anything

in this bloody house?

For paying accounts, press 2.

I can't decide

where to have my birthday party.

We might not have one this year.

What?

But Louis went to Laser Force.

And I haven't been to La La Land,

Tickety Boo, the Fairy Cave...

I'm sure I remember you

going to the Fairy Cave.

Not for my birthday.

That's when you get to sit

on the fairy throne!

Can I have a make-over party

like Georgia had?

- No way!

- Just at home?

You're turning eight, Ruby.

Come on.

Can you hurry up? Have you even

cleaned your teeth, Louis?

Come on. I'm going to be late for work.

You're not even dressed yet, Mum.

Press 2.

Yes, I am.

Has anyone seen my car keys?

We need to get some order around here.

I try and keep order,

but you try living with people...

who put stuff back

in a new place every time.

I can always find things in my shed.

That's because

nobody else will go near it.

We all have to have the same order.

You can't just have your own

Selfish Bastard Order.

Swear jar!

Alright, don't get stressed.

If you don't want me to be stressed,

you could do a bit more around here.

I help out a lot.

It's not about "help".

It's about taking stuff on.

Me giving you the shopping list is

not the same as you doing the shopping.

Dad, can I have a make-over party

for my birthday this year?

Georgia had one.

Ah...

- Yes, I don't see why not.

- Yes!

Your decision, your job.

I was just...

Urgh...

Just get yourself

a party company.

Consider yourself lucky

she's just turning eight.

We had to get security

when Georgia turned 13.

You can claim that though.

You know in some countries

they don't have a Rich List?

They have a Highest Taxpayer List.

Like... why?

You know, for pride.

Ooo, ooo, ooo!

Popcorn.

Can I help with anything?

We're right, thanks.

Right, first up we have Paris.

Thank you, Paris.

Next we have Graydon.

Nice work, Graydon, thank you.

Now we have Nikki.

Great work.

And now, last but not least,

the birthday girl herself, it's Ruby!

Do you want a go?

Here's Ruby!

Big round of applause for Ruby.

Fantastic stuff.

My tooth...

I have to find it for the tooth fairy!

It's alright Ruby, we'll find it.

There we go.

There you are. You go put that in a...

Who cut it last time?

Oh, no one.

No one didn't do

a very good job, did they?

Sh*t!

Satiety, the feeling

that you've had enough to eat,

is affected by a huge list of factors,

from how we're feeling psychologically,

to whether we've grown up

in a household

where not having

two helpings is an insult

to a family's cooking,

to whether we eat in front of the telly,

to whether our brains

have quirks in their appetite centres.

Maybe I should just jump

before I'm pushed.

Tim's keen to start a business.

Con got a gig

on the Sherbet reunion tour.

Oh.

Oh, I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do either.

About us...

about...

I bought some condoms.

Yes, I understand that, but...

Easter Egg.

I understand

that you're upset.

Customer Relations.

Can I get your account details please?

Egg?

But Madam, I'm not in India.

I'm in Australia.

Yeah, yeah, I promise you.

Take a bloody egg.

I know I sound...

Hello? Hello?

She's the team leader. Be nice to her.

Sick-leave is at her discretion.

Oh...

Ah!

Umm... sorry. I had to sneeze.

I... I can't suppress them.

I had an aneurysm.

I knew a guy who had one of those.

He died.

Death.

Loneliness.

Fear.

The anguish we can feel about a life

that hasn't turned out

the way we thought it would.

The daily worries about

the safety of our children,

the care of our aged, disabled and sick.

- Our feelings of hopelessness.

Shh. Girls, stop it!

How can we live like this?

How can we have so little respect

for our wonderfully complex world?

Answer:

We can't.

We need God.

God, who can take the burden

from our shoulders.

Go in peace to love and serve the Lord.

Amen.

Ruby, come play with us.

How do you do it?

You know...

This.

You accept Jesus died for you.

Well I can do that.

It's not up to me to say why He died.

And that He's the son of God.

As a metaphor?

Like...

God creating the world

in seven days? Or...

do you actually

have to believe that He...?

I believe He did.

And Jesus died?

And rose up?

And heaven?

Like it's a...

place?

Where you and I

could have a glass of wine?

Where's Friday night footy?

It's Good Friday.

So?

It's like Christmas.

Religious significance.

But what if you're,

like, Jewish or Muslim?

Why can't they have their footy?

Well...

We'll be showing you a series of...

lap dance moves that

will help to tone...

and strengthen your entire body,

especially your thighs, abs and butt.

We'll be showing you moves

that at the end of the workout

will form a fantastic, sexy routine.

Great for fitness or for fun...

Flunker, flunker, shtunker.

Hey, Mum. Victory!

We got Storage Solutions.

Storage Solutions.

Why's the power off?

Dryer blew up.

My punishment for using it

when it wasn't raining.

Should I do the eggs for the kids?

They had eggs last night.

There's left-over chicken in the fridge.

Easter eggs.

Didn't really get any.

What about the Easter bunny?

Surely they're old enough

to cope without him.

Children their age work in mines.

Just those, thanks mate.

Kids, come on, hurry up.

Mum, my tooth's really wobbly.

Well, just keep wobbling it.

It's really loose.

My head's itchy.

Jesus!

Get it off!

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