Mystery Men Page #5

Our heroes fall back behind the safety of the wall and confer.

RAJA:

This is bad.

SHOVELER:

Who are they?

RAJA:

The Disco Boys.

FURIOUS:

The who?

RAJA:

The most vicious gang of thugs this city ever

produced. Twenty years ago they were

Casanova's personal bodyguard. But after he

was busted they crawled into the woodwork.

FURIOUS:

Well they've crawled back out.

SHOVELER:

We may be getting in over our heads here.

RAJA:

This looks like a job for Superman--

SHOVELER:

Or Batman--

RAJA:

Or both.

FURIOUS:

Don't you guys get it? If Captain Amazing is

still in there, we can rescue him--and get on

TV!

(goes right over the wall)

They share an exasperated look, then scramble over the wall after him.

INT. CASANOVA'S BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

Casanova and Dr. Anabel Leek are preparing for bed. Anabel sits in

front of a huge mirror, brushing her long hair as Casanova moves up

behind her and puts his hands around her throat, massaging, squeezing,

just barely resisting the temptation to strangle her. (She loves it).

CASANOVA:

Everything's going exactly as we planned.

ANABEL:

(puts the sharp point of her

comb handle under his chin)

Not quite. You haven't announced our

engagement yet.

CASANOVA:

It must have slipped my mind.

ANABEL:

Your mind is so slippery.

CASANOVA:

Don't worry, Pootchkie. My womanizing days are

over. You're my Lady Macbeth, my Imelda... my

Nicole.

(pulls her into his arms)

We're such an incredible team. Who could

possibly stop us?

(kisses her)

CUT RIGHT TO:

EXT. THE LAWN - CONTINUOUS - ON OUR THREE HEROES

as they crunch their way non too stealthily across the backyard.

RAJA:

Don't crunch the leaves.

SHOVELER:

Sorry.

RAJA:

Be a Mohican.

(bumps into a lawn chair)

FURIOUS:

Wait.

(They all stop.)

I hear something.

They all listen; there is a low rushing sound... It is the sound of

water rushing through pipes. Suddenly, the lawn sprinklers all pop

up... and our heroes get drenched. They duck off the lawn, behind the

cover of a large tree.

RAJA:

I'm soaked.

(sneezes)

Oh great.

FURIOUS:

Shhh.

SHOVELER:

Be a Mohican.

RAJA:

Shut up.

Furious sees a pair of French doors, off a small patio. One of the

doors is slightiy open.

FURIOUS:

Come on.

They start sneaking toward it, but as they cross the patio... they trip

the automatic security lighting, and suddenly find themselves bathed in

light.

RAJA:

Uh-oh.

As our heroes look around as a dozen Disco Boys, armed with pipes,

chains, brass knuckles, step into the light and encircle them... The

French doors open and Tony P steps out.

RAJA:

Oh I'm sorry. We must have the wrong house.

TONY P:

You sure do.

The Disco Boys attack. The Raja is instantly clubbed down. The

Shoveler deflects only a blow or two with his shovel before he goes

down, too... These guys are not the Red Eyes.

Only Furious holds his own. He grabs a pipe away from one of them and

swings fiercely, keeping the others off. Suddenly, the Disco Boys pull

back. Furious doesn't know why, until he turns and sees...

Casanova, standing right behind him, smiling.

CASANOVA:

Hi there.

With a cat-like move Casanova slashes his gold chain viciously--and

repeatedly--across Furious' face. Furious, stunned with pain, lunges

at Casanova, who neatly steps aside, then catches him with a fast

combination of spinning disco kicks. Finally he lassos the chain

around Furious' neck, and pulls it tight, strangling him.

ON THE DISCO BOYS, watching, snapping their fingers with admiration...

Casanova releases Furious, who slumps to the ground. Casanova steps

away, and the Disco Boys gather around Furious and kick him

viciously... as Casanova and Tony P watch, amused, chuckling.

CASANOVA:

Superheroes.

TONY P:

Should I kill them?

CASANOVA:

(completely disdainful)

Why bother?

EXT. JUST OUTSIDE THE MANSION - A MOMENT LATER

The Disco Boys drag our heroes through the gate and throw them like

bags of garbage into the street... where thay lie in a moaning,

agonized, semi-conscious heap.

INT. THE DINER - LATER - CLOSE ON

Furious, rubbing his neck; a thin red mark runs around it. The three of

them are sitting at their usual table, in very bad shape, moaning and

groaning... Monica approaches. She's made them ice packs and cold

compresses.

MONICA:

Here you go.

(sits with them, applies a compress

to the Raja's head)

RAJA:

Ow.

MONICA:

Maybe you guys ought to forget this Superhero

stuff and join Kiwanis or something.

A FUSSY CUSTOMER is calling out from another table.

FUSSY CUSTORER:

Miss!

She moves off.

RAJA:

Maybe she's right.

FURIOUS:

(still furious)

Are you serious? This is the break we've been

waiting for!

SHOVELER:

What are you talking about?

FURIOUS:

What have the famous superheroes got that we

don't?

RAJA:

Agents?

FURIOUS:

Archenemies! Casanova isn't just a criminal--

he's a supervillain. Stopping him could be our

ticket to fame, fortune--and babes!

SHOVELER:

And it would be the right thing to do.

FURIOUS:

(dismissively)

Yeah yeah--and that, too.

RAJA:

But there's only three of us, and he's got the

entire brotherhood of evil at his disposal.

FURIOUS:

Then maybe it's time for us to form our own

brotherhood...

(more)

FURIOUS (Cont'd)

a brotherhood of righteous, crime fighting,

skull cracking, Disco Boy bashing, warriors of

the night!

SHOVELER:

I'm liking this.

FURIOUS:

I say we send out the word--and summon all of

the unsung superheroes we know!

RAJA:

(after a moment)

Yeah, but... who do we know?

They take a long moment to ponder this.

FURIOUS:

Well... there's the Spleen.

Shoveler and Raja make disgusted noises.

RAJA:

Do we have to?

SHOVELER:

I got this cousin. He's a real doofus, but he

claims he can become invisible.

FURIOUS:

Have you ever seen him?

SHOVELER:

How could I see him if he's invisible?

FURIOUS:

Good point.

RAJA:

And there's the Sphinx.

SHOVELER:

The who?

RAJA:

He's a legendary masked Mexican crime fighting

superwrestler and master of the machete.

FURIOUS:

Sounds good.

RAJA:

No one's sure that he actually exists, but they

say he can be contacted by leaving a message on

a crumpled up napkin at the Tacky Taco down by

the bus station.

SHOVELER:

Get outta here.

EXT. TACKY TACO - DAY - ESTABLISHING

A funky Mexican restaurant by the bus station.

INT. THE RESTAURANT - CONTINUOUS

Our heroes, in normal clothing, have just finished a taco lunch.

Furious is writing a mssage on a napkin with a ballpoint pen.

FURIOUS:

You sure that's how you spell it?

SHOVELER:

Yeah.

CLOSE ON THE NOTE -

which reads "Spinks, we need you."

They crumple up the napkin and leave the restaurant... A moment later a

shy looking MEXICAN MAN busses their tray... but in A CLOSE ANGLE we

see him secretly pocket the napkin.

EXT. HOUSE - DAY - ESTABLISHING

A little brick house.

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