Mystery Men Page #8

FURIOUS:

Let's say hello.

INSIDE/OUTSIDE THE TWO CARS - CONTINUOUS

As the limo stops at a traffic light... and the Esquire pulls up

alongside it. For a moment good and evil stare each other down.

TONY P:

Not these guys again!

The Disco Boys howl with laughter.

CASANOVA:

Nice car.

The D Boys laugh. Furious stares at Casanova, and Casanova stares

right back at him, as cool as a snake.

FURIOUS:

What did you do with Captain Amazing?

CASANOVA:

Captain who?

TONY P:

(spots the Bowler)

Hey, in the backseat, who are you supposed to

be, the Bowler?

BOWLER:

I'm his daughter.

TONY P:

His daughter? Well guess what, sweetheart?

I'm the one who squished your Daddy. And he

squished real good!

The villains laugh, and Mister Furious EXPLODES INTO RAGE. He swings

open his car door, mashing it into the limo and leaving a big dent.

TONY P:

HEY!

FURIOUS:

'SCUSE ME!

He starts punching the limo like it's a punching bag--putting big dents

in it.

TONY:

Waste him!

Tony and the boys all reach into their coats for their pistols--but as

they yank them out, the Spleen sticks his head out of the station

wagon, puts his face right up to the open window of the limo and lets

loose with a TREMENDOUS BELCH...

As the villains choke and gag in the noxious fumes, Mister Furious goes

on a DEMOLITION RAMPAGE, working his way around the limo, punching big

dents with his fists, breaking the windows with his head, flattening

the tires by kicking them, knocking off the rear view mirror with the

back of his hand...

Then he leaps up on top of the limo...

While inside the villains gasp for air as big dents are stomped into

the roof above them...

ANGLE THROUGH THE WINDSHEILD as Furious leaps down onto the hood, and

gazes in at them.

FURIOUS:

Shall I check your oil?

He plunges his hand through the metal of the hood, pulls out the car's

dip stick, and checks it.

FURIOUS:

Looks fine.

He tosses the dip stick away, then leaps off JUST AS Tony P gets off a

shot, EXPLODING the windshield of the limo.

Furious lands safely on the hood of the station wagon. As the Shoveler

throws the Esquire into gear, Furious shouts...

FURIOUS:

NICE CAR!

And our heroes streak off into the night... Casanova and the others

stagger out of the demolished limo, sucking in the clean air.

CASANOVA:

(impressed by Furious)

That boy's got talent.

TONY P:

And I'm gonna nip it in the bud.

ANGLE ON A DARKENED ALLEY -

where the man in the strange steel mask can be seen... watching.

EXT. A BAR - LATER THAT NIGHT - ESTABLISHING

A very typical, nondescript neighborhood place...

INSIDE THE BAR - CONTINUOUS

Our heroes stand at the bar, celebrating their first victory.

SHOVELER:

To us!

RAJA:

Whatever our name is.

They toast and drink.

THE SAME - LATER

The Spleen is passed out at a table, snoring. Shoveler and Invisible

Boy sit next to him.

SHOVELER:

Even his snores smell bad.

Raja and Bowler sit at the bar, deep in it.

BOWLER:

But she's your mother. You gotta tell her.

RAJA:

I can't.

ON SHOVELER AND INVISIBLE BOY

INVISIBLE BOY:

Dad thinks all this superhero stuff is a stupid

waste of time.

SHOVELER:

But he plays golf, right?

INVISIBLE BOY:

Yeah.

BACK ON RAJA AND BOWLER -

RAJA:

I'm her only son, and she always had such high

hopes for me. Medicine. Law.

BOWLER:

But you're a superhero.

RAJA:

The cape. The turban. She wouldn't

understand.

BOWLER:

I know... My girlfriends all dumped me after I

put on the mask. They thought I'd lost it.

RAJA:

But in fact... you'd found it.

They clink their glasses and drink.

BACK ON SHOVELER AND INVISIBLE BOY -

SHOVELER:

This is your dream... and you can't ever give

it up.

The Spleen makes weird noises in his sleep.

INVISIBLE BOY:

I wonder what he dreams about?

SHOVELER:

We don't want to know.

Mr. Furious sits alone in the corner, brooding, lost in his own angry

thoughts..

OUTSIDE THE BAR - CONTINUOUS

A black van drives slowly past the bar.

INSIDE THE VAN - CONTINUOUS

The van is packed with Disco Boys. Tony P sits in the front seat.

TONY P:

There.

HIS POV -

He has spotted the Ford Esquire parked in the lot.

BACK IN THE BAR - A LITTLE LATER

ON THE BOWLER AND RAJA -

BOWLER:

It's late. I'm headin' home.

RAJA:

Me, too.

BOWLER:

(to Invisible Boy)

Come on, Junior, it's a school night.

JUST OUTSIDE - A MONENT LATER

As our heroes, carrying the Spleen, leave.

FURIOUS:

Anybody up for a little White Castle?

But suddenly the world is a whirling sass of chains and clubs as they

are bushwhacked by the Disco Boys...

EXT. AN ALLEY - A LITTLE LATER - CLOSE ON FURIOUS

as he comes to with a qroan and sees... the Bowler and Invisible Boy

tied up and gagged, with the Raja, Shoveler, and the Spleen trussed up

right next to them. Furious looks up, sees Tony P standing over him.

TONY P:

Hi, cutie.

Furious struggles, but he has been secured with some very heavy tire

chains. Tony P takes out a large caliber revolver, flips it open to

make sure it's loaded.

TONY P:

Six losers. Six bullets. Perfect... Got any

last words, Angry Boy?

FURIOUS:

Disco sucks.

TONY P:

Disco sucks. Very good. You know what I'm

gonna do, Angry Boy, since you're so colorful?

I'm gonna save you for last.

He turns and points the pistol right at Invisible Boy's head. Furious

struggles against his chains--to no avail.

TONY P:

Sweet dreams, punk.

Invisible Boy closes his eyes... Tony P c*cks the pistol... But

suddenly, there is the ring of steel--a broad blade sweeps through the

air, and Tony P's pistol is sliced neatly in half.

TONY P:

(holding half a pistol)

HOLY...

The man is the strange steel mask is standing there, the drawn machete

still in his hand.

MAN IN MASK:

Buenos naches.

TONY P:

Get him!

The Disco Boys rush the newcomer, but he slices through their baseball

bats with his machete, and sends them reeling and crashing into each

other with expert forearm blows, whacks with the flat of his blade, and

head butts with his mask.

Furious struggles to break free and join the fight, but the chains are

too strong... and the stranger doesn't need any help.

Tony P flicks open a big switchblade and lunges at the stranger, who

sidesteps him like a matador and swings his machete at him. Tony P

turns, about to charge again.

MAN IN MASK:

(Mexican accent)

Would you like me to trim the sides?

TONY P:

What?

Tony P feels the top of his head, and realizes that the blow from the

machete has neatly sliced off the top his disco-do, leaving only

stubble on the top of his head.

TONY P:

(freaking out)

LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!

Tony and the Disco Boys run for it...

Furious and the others study their masked savior, who stands before

them, machete in hand.

FURIOUS:

You're the Sphinx.

SPHINX:

And you are a fool.

He raises his machete above Furious' head... and then slices clean

through the chains.

EXT.AUTO DEMOLITION YARD - LATER THAT NIGHT

Our heroes have gathered around a scrap wood fire in a steel drum. They

sit on the ground and on old car seats, feeling like schmucks as the

Sphinx chews theu out, his mask looking very friqhtening and magical in

the flickering light.

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