Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Movie Page #5

They didn't eat their fruit cups!

- That's quite a group Exeter

has collected. - Quite.

That's Dr. Hu Lin Tang.

I love Tang!

Tang's field is tritanium,

the same as Dr. Engelberg.

Dr. Marie Pitchner, U-235.

Dr. Blorfield, plutonium.

Whoop dee sh*t.

Hmm, that puts all of us in the

production of nuclear energy,

doesn't it, Carlson?

What are you

getting at, Meacham?

Why no biochemists, electronic experts,

mechanical engineers...

People equipped to make practical application

of the energy the rest of us produce?

I seem to remember that

was part of Exeter's pitch.

We try to make it a rule around here, Doctor,

not to discuss our work after hours.

Now how about that fresh air?

How about you and Dr. Adams

showing me my laboratory instead?

How about you lick me?

After all I've heard today,

I can hardly wait...

to add my little

contribution to the good work.

This way, doctor.

- I call dibs on Ruth.

- Dibs. - Dibs! - D'oh!

Not much of a laboratory...

...oh, it's the elevator. I see, I get it.

Now, does this clip

need any set up?

- It may be true...

- You may kiss the scientist...

- ...but are you sure?

- We're 30 miles from nowhere.

Steve and I know. We've tried.

And if we did get out,

who'd believe all this?

Ugh, hair ball...

I don't blame you doctors for being excited

about working for Exeter.

It's a rare privilege.

He's a rare man.

Our little Neutron gave us away.

He felt the impulses.

That cat. I could

Put Neutron under

the thought transformer?

Why not, Brack? And perhaps

you'd like me to step in with him.

Smush my big white

alien forehead.

Turn it off, Brack.

Our friends won't be giving us

any more information tonight.

I'll put you in the

b*tch transformer...

Here's a sketch of the interocitor.

I also have rough notes

on its working controls.

It's guesswork mostly

but better than nothing.

Not much...

And these are portraits

of Exeter and Brack.

Do you notice the peculiar

indentations in both their foreheads?

Nooo!

This is the one we're really proud of, Cal.

We discovered this a week ago

two miles south of here.

The side of this hill has been hollowed out,

and here's an acre of canvas

covering the excavation.

You tell me what's in there.

Uh, pudding?

Steve wanted to go back and

find out what was inside, but...

I guess I got

cold feet.

Just like Vermont.

Still a sissy.

God, I hate you.

They're fine, Steve.

When we get out of here,

I'll have them framed at my own expense.

If we get out.

Ah, you sissy. Sissy cat,

I can take you too, you puss!

He's just hungry.

No, please! I can't

digest milk!

Good-bye, Neutron.

I've got some big foreheaded

sissy butt to kick.

Mr. and Mrs. Howell's hut

is really nice.

Yeah, let's slip away

undercover of afternoon

in the biggest car in the county.

Good. You will keep in contact

until moment of departure.

Then remove all evidence

of installation. That is all.

And don't forget

to punch out.

I ought to hit you.

Take over.

And don't screw it up.

Jerk.

Now, it's time for The Brak Show.

It's The Brak Show,

starring me I'm Brak.

It's The Brak Show and

I've got lots of great guests.

Meanwhile, Ness and his men

speed toward Capone's hideout!

So, Professor, you made this

entirely out of bamboo, huh?

Eat my photons,

smallheads!

Why are they all

sitting in front?

We're sitting ducks in this thing.

If we're gonna make the airport,

we'll have to do it on foot.

When I stop, we'll pile out.

Take cover fast.

Sounds like a really crappy plan,

but okay!

Suckers!

Steve! Steve!

I'm a little busy!

I regret nothing!

Uh, yes,

very nice, yes!

Oh, I have

tubes in my ears!

And his coffin will be made

entirely of coconuts, thank you.

We'll try and make

the airport. Let's go.

Well, they dried

off quickly.

Heh hey,

watch the hand, Cal!

Regis and Kathy Lee are

The Fugitive.

- Is it flyable?

- It should be.

Exeter keeps it

here for the staff.

She's hard on a

cocktail dress.

My other plane

is a jet, you know?

What do you think

about that?

That's what happens when

you leave a potato in a microwave!

Yeah, I'm beginning to think

they're not from around here.

I bet you they're

English, or Canadian.

They're pulling us up!

I just know they're

gonna probe my anus.

Captain, the Klingons have us

in their tractor beam!

They got sucked up

into a Jiffy Lube.

So, this is Denver's

new airport.

Yes, things are going

exactly as planned.

If I don't miss my guess,

I think this has something to do

with those white-haired fellows.

Ah, thank you, Thing.

So, they worship

the Everlasting Gobstopper?

You know, those helmets don't really

hide their foreheads that well.

Two for Dinner?

Good.

Remain here.

Dad, your friends

are here!

Our two passengers are

very sensitive to heat.

The passengers are here.

So why they put the toilet

in the middle of the room?

Allow me

to welcome you.

Welcome.

I'm sorry that our visit below had

to be terminated so dramatically,

but time allowed

for nothing else.

I can assure you

we mean you no harm.

Like Steve Carlson and Engelborg?

Like the others in that house?

- What happened was beyond my control.

- What happened was mass murder.

We're not all masters of our souls, Meacham.

That's a nice little phrase

coming from you.

I learned it

on Earth.

That's 1 for Exeter. Ouch!

The two of you are

beginning a strange journey...

Mawwige!

a journey that no Earth people

have ever undertaken before.

Whether you consider me a devil

or a saint is unimportant.

Devil.

What is important is that you're here,

on this spaceship.

Suppose then, for the

time being, we call a truce.

As scientists

at least, Meacham.

Isn't he sitting too close

to the TV?

Ruth, don't tell me that, as a woman,

you're not curious about our destination.

Having a sale, Ruth!

Where are

we going?

Are we there yet?

- To a planet we call Metaluna.

- Metaluna?

There's no such planet in the solar system.

Metaluna lies far beyond your

solar system, in outer space.

The stellarscope

will convince you.

Come.

Well, I never Metaluna I didn't like.

What do you think, Ruth? Pretty good, ah?

Observer, prepare a view

of the second quadrant, please.

Nanoo.

I won't ask you to

condone what we've done.

We condone it.

All I ask is that when you

understand the plight of my people,

you try to have more

sympathy for our deeds.

And that you'll give

generously to the United Way.

- Earth.

- It's being left far behind.

My interocitor is way nicer

than that one.

You have an interocitor?

Sure. Don't you?

- Well. Come on! We can use it to get

back to Earth. - Really?

You've got an interocitor.

You should tell me these things!

Interocitor. Interocitor. Let's see here.

Under the peanut brittle.

Nope, nope...

Let's see. A Monkeys album,

shoestring potatoes.

Hey! A can of hamdingers, isn't it?

No interocitor. A spirograph...

I know it's around here,

somewhere.

...a sweatsock there.

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