Mystery Team Page #3

[cough]

The Somerville Slasher.

They made a really bad

movie about him.

Oh, I see. You're

reopening the case.

No. I used to want to be

a forensic pathologist.

Oh.

Oh, that's like

a baby doctor, right?

No. It's like a detective,

but with science.

Oh, neato.

Why'd you stop?

I don't know.

I grew out of it.

It was stupid.

Hey, following your dreams

is never stupid,

unless you dream about water

and then you pee the bed

last Thursday.

What?

For example. Uh--

Just hold that up there.

You should be fine.

Thanks, Mr. Finney.

Oh. Uh, we should go.

Charlie?

I'm not sure if it's, like,

a little kid word

or something,

but he said he wanted to stick

his finger in the pie

to see if it felt like a--

[Jason, Duncan]

Charlie!

All right,

I'll make you a deal.

If we find your ring,

then you'll believe

that I'm a real detective.

Deal?

Great.

What do we do now?

If we can't talk

to the victims' family,

we're going to have to go

to the street for information.

Time to hit up

our best informant.

Jordy.

Jordy.

Duncan.

Jordy.

Oh, shut it.

It's the Mystery Team!

What is up, you guys?

Hey, Jordy.

What's buzzin', cousin?

Stayin' cool, fool.

Oh. Hey, I got a new

gum flavor for you.

It's, uh,

Watermelon Whirlpool.

Yeah,

put it in your mouth.

Oh, thanks.

That's so boss.

It's on me.

Neato.

Wow, I haven't seen

you guys in a while.

You guys used to come in here

all the time back in the day.

You guys

would solve a crime,

and then you would

come in here,

and I would give you

free ice cream.

Ha ha ha!

And we're still doing it.

You guys

are still solving crimes,

and sure enough,

I'm still right here.

We're doing it.

[laughing]

Yeah.

Actually, Jordy,

we're here to get some info.

Yeah, we're

trying to solve

a double murder.

Oh, yeah, totally.

Would you happen

to know of anybody

who'd be peeping

in the area

of 42 Maple Hill Road

at around 5:
45

yesterday morning?

Yeah, that would be Sam

around that time.

Who?

Sam. he's a homeless

gentleman.

He's always

walking around.

Comes in here

every morning

and gets

a pack of smokes.

Definitely a hobo.

They're constantly smoking

to keep their lungs sharp

for box car jumping.

What?

Oh, it's in this book

I read.

Sully

the Wandering Tramp.

It's a gritty

and honest portrayal

of the complexities

of hobo society.

Neato. Where can we

find this Sam?

Check behind

the copy center,

where they make

the copies.

Thanks, Jordy.

No prob, Bob.

Hey, Jason.

Paying you in advance,

buddy.

Ice cream!

Ice cream.

Oh, ice cream.

Thanks, Jordy.

You got it.

Ha ha! We're back!

Ha ha ha ha ha!

Okay. Now, if you

have any trouble,

we're right

around the corner.

If they're grumpy,

just cut a bean in half

and offer to share it

with them.

Here. Don't forget

your bindle.

It has your hobo

treasures in it.

You mean trash?

Charlie, respect

their culture.

All right. I'm going in.

Well,

don't just stand there.

Back me up

on the brown jug.

Hey. What do you want?

I'm looking for Sam.

I'm Sam.

Oh. Well, I'm hoping

to swap stories

with you, my friend.

You didn't see

or find anything

over at 42 Maple Hill

Road the other morn.

I saw a van speed away.

Some stuff flew out.

Bully.

We'll, I'd like to take

a gander at your haul,

if you don't mind.

All right. Hobo dollars?

Real dollars.

You sure?

I got buttons.

You guys owe me 20 bucks.

Oh, man, this is

my lunch money.

Dad's going to ask

for it later.

What kind of clues

did we get?

Ugh, it's pretty hard

to call these clues.

Two bottle caps.

Maybe the perpetrator

likes to drink pop.

The Soda Pop Strangler.

Sounds good to me.

They weren't strangled.

Moving on, then.

A can of bug spray.

Maybe the murderer

was their exterminator.

The exterminator.

He's already in your house.

You trust him.

Your kids love him.

And by that point--

[screaming]

What else do we have?

A Fun Lanes card,

and it's been vandalized.

Let's take this

back to the lab

and cross-reference it

with the doodle archives.

Oh. Right. Like we have

five hours to spare.

I know Fun Lanes.

It's a bowling alley.

You swipe your card,

and they keep track

of your scores.

Huh.

Are you saying this

would have a name on it?

Yeah.

Let's go to Fun Lanes.

Hold on. We should

thank the hobo

so he doesn't

put a curse on us.

Good night, sweet hobo.

May your bindle

be heavy with treasures

but your heart

be light with song.

Excuse me, sir.

Yo.

[all gasp]

[all]

Ricky Appleman.

Great. The f***ing

Mysterytards.

Yo, what's up, fellas?

How can I help you?

When did they

let you out, Ricky?

Huh?

What the f***

are you talking about?

Uh, September 15, 2007.

The Case of

the Silver Screen Sneak.

You tried to see

an extra movie

for free.

Not on our watch.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's right.

Y'all motherfuckers

ratted me out.

You know,

I can't go see movies

at a theater no more

because of y'all.

Thanks a lot.

You're welcome, and we're

glad you learned your lesson.

Now, if you could just

scan this card for us.

Oh, this one?

You can shove it

up your ass.

You know that won't

work, Ricky.

You're right. He's right.

Uh, listen,

I'm sorry, guys.

Take the card.

F*** yourselves!

I thought you were about

to tell us a secret.

Mystery b*tch.

That's a dumb-ass

haircut.

That computer

is the key to our case.

We're going to need

a diversion

to get that name.

Duncan, you still got

your slingshot?

Always.

Charlie, get ready

to swipe that card.

Just make sure you hit him

in the left shoulder

so he turns to the left.

You sure you can do this?

I'm aiming for the humerus,

which is the longest

bone in the body

above the waist.

I think I'll be okay.

Abort.

Maybe there's a computer

fact in my book

that can help us.

Ah. Here's one.

"By the year 2000,

the average computer

will be as small

as your bedroom."

How old is this?

We could get access

to the computer

if I got a job here.

Ricky could put in

a good word for me.

Swimming muffin,

scuba muffin,

s-- dive muffin.

Muff Diver?

[Jason]

Kelly's ring!

[Duncan]

And he's smoking.

He did it.

But we need

hard evidence

to take back

to the crime lab.

Duncan, you still got

your spy camera?

Always.

F***!

What the f***

are you doing, man?

What a scoop--

local boy bowls.

Well, got to go.

[coughing]

[crunch]

F*** this sh*t.

Catch you later, man.

He's leaving.

We got to follow him.

I don't know, Jason.

According to his shirt,

he has no fear.

But we made a promise

to Kelly to get that ring.

You made a promise.

On behalf of us,

the Mystery Team.

Mystery Team?

Mystery Team.

Mystery Team.

All right.

How are we

going to get in?

Gentlemen's club.

Let me see what I can

piece together.

Hello, my good man.

My boyos and I were

in the neighborhood,

and we thought to treat

ourselves to a day of sport

with other gentlemen.

Heigh-ho.

Perhaps there will

be bear baiting?

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