Nanny McPhee Returns Page #3

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Mark my words.. .

Die! Kill!

Put me down!

You're just jealous

of my fashion sense!

CYRlL:
Get your hands

off my suit!

lt's Savile Row.

Please, may l have

your attention?

(CELlA SCREAMlNG)

Ow! Ow!

l am Nanny McPhee.

(GROANlNG lN DlSGUST)

Ow!

Die!

Please, listen carefully.

You are all to stop

what you are doing

and go upstairs to bed.

NORMAN:
You look

like a banana!

CYRlL:
You look like

an unraveled toilet roll.

Did you hear what l said?

Squash. Squish.

You are to stop fighting.

MEGSlE:
Get off me.

lmmediately.

CYRlL:
My father's very

high up in the War Office.

Hmm.

NORMAN:
Did he ever

teach you this?

(CREAKlNG)

Was that supposed

to impress us?

(EXCLAlMlNG SOFTLY)

What's happening?

(LAUGHlNG)

Ow.

Ow!

Ow! Ow!

MEGSlE:
No, not me, too.

Ow!

Oh, no!

Vincent, stop!

l can't stop.

lt's making me do it!

(EXCLAlMS)

(EXCLAlMlNG) lt's her!

What?

She's making us do it. Ow!

He's right.

What are you

talking about?

lt must be that stick!

lt can't be anything else.

(SCREAMlNG) Stop us!

Stop us, please.

Please.

Please.

On one condition,

that you apologize

for hurting each other

and promise to stop

fighting.

MEGSlE:
Apologize?

l'm not apologizing

to them!

CELlA:
Well, l'm not

apologizing to them!

You broke the jam.

CYRlL:
They should

apologize to us.

CELlA:
Technically,

it was Cyril who

broke the jam.

VlNCENT:
Oh, no!

NORMAN:
What's happening,

Vinnie?

VlNCENT:
Dad's letters!

They're going to

get burnt.

Keep away from them!

l can't, it's making me!

Please!

All right,

we'll apologize.

l'm sorry l hit you

with the fire-tongs, Celia,

and l promise

not to do it again.

Me, too, l'm sorry!

Sorry, Cyril!

Celia, please,

it's our dad's letters!

All right, l apologize.

l'm sorry.

Cyril!

NORMAN:
Apologize!

VlNCENT:
Please,

the letters!

Cyril!

CELlA:
Apologize.

MEGSlE:
Cyril.

CELlA:
Say you're sorry.

MEGSlE:
Say it.

NORMAN:
Say you're

sorry, please!

All right, all right.

l'm sorry.

VlNCENT:
Help!

(CAWlNG)

What are you doing here,

Mr. Edelweiss?

You naughty bird.

Tiresome creature.

lf you're

trying to impress me,

it's not working.

Get off.

Get off.

(CAWlNG)

No.

You are still not forgiven.

You know what you did.

lt is rude to stare.

Upstairs to bed, please.

Good night, Mum.

CYRlL:
Good night,

Aunt lsabel.

Good night, Aunt lsabel.

l do hope you sleep well.

Oh.

Vincent, would you please

put those back

where they belong?

VlNCENT:
Ooh!

(VlNCENT GASPlNG)

(VlNCENT EXCLAlMS)

Thank you,

Nanny McPhee.

You're welcome.

Off you go.

(CAWS)

(SHUSHlNG)

(CAWlNG SADLY)

And make yourself scarce.

Go on.

Shoo!

These children require

five lessons, Mrs. Green.

Lesson one,

to stop fighting,

is complete.

They've stopped fighting?

Mmm.

Early beds tonight, l think.

Leave it to me.

You should be able to have

a little time to yourself.

Time to myself?

Mmm.

CELlA:
She's coming.

We're not fighting.

l can see that, Vincent.

Thank you.

Look, l don't know

how all that

happened downstairs,

but l'm in charge here,

and l don't need

some nanny to help.

CYRlL:
My sister and l aren't

even part of this family,

so whomever you've

come to look after,

it certainly isn't us.

Listen to me

very carefully.

l am going to explain

to you the way l work.

When you need me

but do not want me,

then l must stay.

When you want me

but no longer need me,

then l have to go.

How could anyone

possibly want you?

Well, it's an odd thought,

l grant you,

but there it is.

Now, to business.

ln the absence

of any spare beds,

Norman, l presume,

will be sharing

with Cyril?

(SCOFFlNG) l'd rather

share with a goat.

A goat wouldn't have you,

and neither will l.

l see.

Celia, Megsie,

would you be willing

to share a bed?

CELlA:
l'm not sharing

anything with that

vicious harpy.

l'd rather share

with Geraldine.

She's our cow.

And l'd rather share

with an elephant.

Thank you, Vincent,

but you will not be

required to share.

Ha-ha.

l don't have to share.

l don't have to share.

The rest of you, however,

will have to come

to some agreement.

Never.

Never.

Never.

Never.

Never!

(STlCK BANGS)

Hmm.

(SNlFFlNG)

(SNlFFlNG)

Ew!

(EXCLAlMS lN DlSGUST)

(FARTlNG)

McPHEE:
Oh. l am so sorry.

(CLEARlNG THROAT)

l do beg your pardon.

Oh!

How are they managing?

You must be exhausted.

Do sit down.

l'm making some tea.

Sorry, l haven't

got any biscuits.

No one's got any biscuits,

you know that.

(SQUEALlNG SOFTLY)

Are they all right up there?

Are they sharing?

Yes, they're sharing

very nicely.

lndeed, they came up with

all the arrangements

for themselves.

But that's a miracle.

What did you.. .

How on earth did you do it?

l'm afraid that's

classified information,

Mrs. Green.

The Army is very strict

about such matters.

Oh, yes, yes, of course.

(SQUEALS)

(MURMURlNG)

Tea.

Can you believe it?

l haven't even a plain

old biscuit to offer you.

l'm so sorry.

Oh, you're not

leaving us, are you?

Certainly not.

(SlGHlNG) Thank goodness.

These children need me.

The thing is,

l can't afford to pay you

at the moment, but.. .

Do not concern

yourself, Mrs. Green.

The Army remunerates me,

and l have arranged

my own accommodation.

(LAUGHlNG) Oh!

Good night, Mrs. Green.

Enjoy your tea.

MEGSlE:
Move over.

Your hoof's in my ear.

CELlA:
l haven't got hooves.

MEGSlE:
Not you, you idiot.

Geraldine.

(GERALDlNE MOOlNG)

CYRlL:
What is that

perfectly frightful stench?

NORMAN:
lt's the goat,

you fool.

CYRlL:
(NASALLY)

This is that ghastly

nanny's doing. l know it is.

VlNCENT:
Would you like

a pillow, Little Elly?

(ELEPHANT SQUEALlNG)

VlNCENT:
You're a bit

big for this bed,

but l don't mind.

MEGSlE:
Geraldine,

you're not cooperating.

Cooperate.

(GERALDlNE MOOlNG)

Just go to sleep.

(SCREAMlNG)

Calm yourself.

Are you Mrs. Biggles?

l am Nanny McPhee.

Small ''C,'' big ''P.' '

Good evening.

Right.

(GERALDlNE SNORlNG)

(CHlLDREN SNORlNG)

(GOAT BLEATlNG)

(YAWNlNG)

(GRUNTlNG)

(EXHALlNG)

Oh, my darling,

(SlGHlNG) where are you?

All right.

Piglets.

Piglets, come here.

(MlMlCKlNG PlG GRUNTlNG)

Piggies.

(SQUEALlNG)

Piglets. Piglets!

(MlMlCKlNG PlG GRUNTlNG)

Hello.

(MUFFLED GRUNTlNG)

Off you go, piglet.

That's it.

(PlGLETS GRUNTlNG)

Once you're gone,

l'll get the farm.

(McPHEE BLOWlNG HORN)

(GASPS)

(BLOWS OFF-KEY)

Hmm.

Rise and shine.

Beds made,

nice neat hospital corners,

if you please.

Downstairs for breakfast,

at the double.

My elephant's gone.

CYRlL:
May l just say,

it's typical of this family

to have hired a nanny

with a face that

could win the war

hands down.

We've not hired her,

and she's not our nanny.

MEGSlE:
Who is she, then?

And how did she make us

do all those things?

l have a theory.

She's a secret weapon.

Definitely.

My father is very high

up in the War Office,

so l know about these things.

l suspect that

that stick of hers

releases some sort

of odorless chemical

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