Nanny McPhee Returns Page #4

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when she bangs it.

To put it simply,

she gassed us.

Don't be daft.

That can't possibly

be legal.

l am pleased to report,

Mrs. Green,

that lesson two,

to share nicely,

is complete.

Oh, that's wonderful.

ls that you, Cyril?

lt is.

Good morning, darling.

Why are you

wearing a gas mask?

ln case of a gas attack,

Aunt lsabel.

A gas.. .

l don't think there's

going to be a gas attack

in this part of

the country, darling.

That's why your

parents sent you here.

Poor thing.

London must be worse

than l thought.

Mmm.

Where's Celia, dear?

Looking for

something to wear.

lSABEL:
Oh, yes, (SlGHlNG)

l am so sorry. Your mother

will never forgive me.

Oh, don't tell me

that's cheesecloth.

(EXHALlNG lN DlSGUST)

Horrid, ugly, shapeless.

Ugh.

Don't forget, Norman,

Farmer Macreadie is coming

for the piglets at noon.

l'll be back

in time for that.

l've got to run.

There's a delivery

of mousetraps at the shop.

l've got to get to them

before Mrs. Docherty.. .

(WlNDOW CLlNKlNG)

For heaven's sake.

(SQUAWKS)

l'll see you outside.

Hmm?

(BURPlNG)

Oh! Don't be

so disgusting.

You have wind

because you

have collywobbles,

and you have the collywobbles

because you have been

eating window putty.

l'm not interested,

Mr. Edelweiss.

All the piglets have gone?

Yes, that is interesting,

very interesting.

Hmm.

MEGSlE:
That's that done.

Right. Chores.

Megs, feed Geraldine.

l'll get the piglets ready

for Farmer Macreadie.

Vinnie's collecting the eggs.

Cyril, you can sweep up

the dung.

l'd love to

sweep up the dung.

lt's almost my

favorite activity,

but sadly, l've left my

dung-sweepers at home.

Perhaps Celia could.. .

l'm coming back for you.

What are you wearing?

l think it's mostly tulle.

(GASPlNG)

That's my mother's

wedding dress.

No, this old thing?

lt can't be.

lt hasn't even got a train.

Take it off.

l will do no such thing.

You've ruined

all my clothes,

and this is the only

decent thing in the house.

You've stolen that

from our mother's room.

Take it off!

l haven't stolen it,

l've borrowed it.

VlNCENT:
Megsie!

The piglets have escaped.

What?

There's a hole!

VlNCENT:
They're all gone!

We've got to find them

before Farmer

Macreadie comes.

Come on, Norman.

Move.

You can't be serious.

Listen, they're

prize piglets.

The money we get for them

pays this month's

tractor hire.

And if we lose the tractor,

we lose the harvest,

and if we lose the harvest,

we'll lose the whole farm.

How frightful for you.

Please!

This is our dad's farm,

and the harvest

is everything.

No, you can't make me.

And you can't

make me, either.

l've got my gas mask on,

so that stick of

yours won't work.

Furthermore,

l'm going to report you

to my father,

who is very high up

in the War Office.

NORMAN:
There's no

time for this.

What if it was

your dad's farm?

You would help then,

wouldn't you?

Would you, Cyril? Hmm?

Help your father?

Blast you all.

(EXHALlNG)

Oh, no, no, no.

l can't possibly

run in these heels.

Don't you dare gas me.

Oh.

(PANTlNG)

There's one.

What are you doing here?

Just helping.

Well, come on,

if you're coming.

(SHUSHlNG)

MEGSlE:
Come on, come on.

(GRUNTlNG)

CELlA:
l'm only helping

till Mummy comes.

VlNCENT:
Catch it!

CELlA:
Pig, heel.

(ALL EXCLAlMlNG)

l've got one!

l've got one!

VlNCENT:
Careful

it doesn't bite.

(WHlSPERlNG)

Right, take it slowly.

They've caught two already?

That will never do.

(SCOFFS)

Well, we don't want

to make it too easy

for them.

Hey!

What on earth's

it doing?

(BOTH LAUGHlNG)

NORMAN:
Blimey!

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

ls that normal?

No, it's not.

CYRlL:
l had no idea

country life could be

quite so entertaining.

VlNCENT:
Oh, no.

Come back, piggy!

MEGSlE:
Hey, pig, come back!

Pig, come back!

Come back!

(lNHALES SHARPLY)

(EXCLAlMS)

(ALL LAUGHlNG)

Did you know?

l had no idea pigs

could swim so stylishly.

MEGSlE:
They can't.

(ALL GlGGLlNG)

MEGSlE:
After them.

Ahoy there, Phil.

Hello, Farmer Macreadie.

Whoa, there.

Whoa. Whoa.

Sorry to hear

about the piglets.

Piglets?

What, my piglets?

Yeah, haven't you heard?

They've gone, disappeared

in the night. Escaped.

Escaped? Dear, oh, dear.

What a shame.

Dreadful thing.

Escaped, eh?

Funny things, pigs.

Clever.

l knew a pig once who

could play Scrabble.

Tapped out the words

with his trotter.

(TAPPlNG) ''Sty.' '

Good score.

Dear, oh, dear.

lsabel will be

in a right old tizzy,

l should think.

Well, thanks for

letting me know, Phil.

You saved me a journey.

Bye, then.

Wait up, there.

One good turn

deserves another.

l'll give you

a ride up there.

Oh, no, no, no, no.

No, no, l'll walk.

Jump in.

No, l'm good, thanks.

lt's no bother.

Turn around.

Don't be daft.

Cheerio.

Go on, now.

Up you jump.

Shoo. No, please.

Come on.

All right.

(SlGHlNG)

(CHlLDREN PANTlNG)

l don't know how we're ever

going to catch them.

They're getting

sold in half an hour.

lf l may suggest,

we need to use strategy,

tactics,

a proper movement order.

And you were

trained where, exactly?

Cadet school.

Oh. Fair enough.

Go on, then.

Right.

Now, we're here

and they're there,

there, there and

possibly over there.

Megsie?

Ready.

Celia?

Ready.

(WHlSTLES)

(SQUEALlNG)

(MOUTHlNG) Three.

(MOUTHlNG) Two.

One.

lSABEL:
They've dug a hole.

Where are the piglets,

lsabel?

Oh, they've gone.

Oh, no!

Every single one of them.

Piggy. (CLlCKS TONGUE)

Oink, oink.

lSABEL:
Gone.

What will we do?

They maybe got

wind of the move,

Mrs. Green.

Clever things, are pigs.

Very clever.

How will we pay

for the tractor?

How will we get

the harvest in?

MACREADlE:
l'll try and help

if l can, Mrs. Green,

but l've got me

hands full with my wheat,

and what with my

boys off fighting.. .

Terrible thing, war.

Curse these flat feet.

lSABEL:
l'm sorry you've

had a wasted journey.

Oh, no, not to worry.

Good luck.

l know. They're hiding.

lsabel, sign it.

l have a buyer today.

l might not have

a buyer tomorrow.

lt won't be so bad.

Think about it, lz,

no more worrying

about tractors

or harvests or.. .

Pigs! Pigs!

(PlGLETS SQUEALlNG)

Children.

(ALL CHATTERlNG)

Look.

Hoorah!

MACREADlE:
Right, then.

What have we got here?

One, two, three,

four and five.

You got the whole pride.

lSABEL:
Did you

get all of them?

These piglets

are funny things.

CELlA:
We got all of them.

Yes, all of them.

lSABEL:
All of them.

You did?

NORMAN:
l couldn't

believe my eyes.

(ALL CHATTERlNG)

MACREADlE:

Right, there you are.

Tractor money.

(GRUNTlNG)

NORMAN:
And then,

he did a somersault.

MACREADlE:
Somersault?

VlNCENT:
l didn't know

you could swim.

They're worth a lot

more than that, you know.

These piglets are geniuses.

(CHUCKLlNG)

They can do

synchronized swimming.

lSABEL:
We do not tell

fibs in this house.

MEGSlE:
They really did.

Megsie.

But they did do

synchronized swimming.

That's enough,

Megsie. Shush!

VlNCENT:
lt's true.

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