National Lampoon Presents Dorm Daze Page #4

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It just won't be me.

I'm sorry. I'm just glad we could

finally get this out in the open.

Okay, let me just show you

the sausage, 'cause it's really nice--

Newmar! I don't wanna share

anything with you, okay?

Just leave me alone.

Please.

My shirt.

Wait, wait, wait.

Dude, what's wrong?

I'm just kind of bummed out,

that's all.

You wanna eat my sausage?

Excuse me?

I bought some really expensive

French sausage for Adrienne and l,

but I don't think she wants any.

She doesn't like me.

It's French sausage?

Wang's foreign exchange student

Dominique--she's from France.

She has nothing to do

until Wang gets back from work.

Why don't you see if she wants

to eat with it you? She's so hot.

Hi. Are you Dominique?

It's about time.

What's been keeping you?

I don't know.

I didn't think it took me that long

to walk down here, but...

Did Foosball call you?

Foosball? I don't know.

Look, I gotta go soon,

so can we get this going?

- Yeah, sure.

- Where do you wanna do it?

Well, I was thinking the kitchen,

but here's fine with me.

Why don't you sit here?

So, did Foosball tell you

about my sausage?

Why don't you tell me

about your sausage?

- Well, it looks really tasty.

- I'm sure it is.

That's really nice.

Yeah? Well, I want you

to feel good, baby,

so tell me what you want.

What do you want me to do?

Well, I want--

Foosball said you might like

some of my sausage.

I'm sure I'm gonna love your sausage,

but what do you want me to do with it?

Eat it. What else is there

to do with it?

Anything you can think of.

But if all you want is oral,

that's fine.

- You don't have a knife, do you?

- I've got handcuffs.

I don't think those will cut anything.

I'm sorry.

That's one thing I don't do.

No cutting,

and no hitting, either.

No cutting?

Well, this sausage

is pretty damn big.

I doubt you'd want

the whole thing.

I can take it all, baby.

That would be pretty impressive to see,

but just in case you're wrong,

I thought you could keep the rest.

- I'm not sure I know what you mean.

- As a present.

You don't have anywhere

you could put it, do you?

You can put it

anywhere you want.

Even in my ass.

Why would I wanna put

my sausage in your ass?

Some guys like that.

The French.

I think we should stick to the mouth

as the only point of entry, if you get me.

Whatever floats your boat.

Except for you have to pay up front--

in case your friend didn't tell you.

Pay? Money?

Why would I pay you

to eat my sausage?

If you want me,

you have to pay.

Well, I'd prefer to just eat it

myself if that's your attitude.

Look, l...

Look, I'm sorry,

Dominique, but...

while it's obvious

that you have feelings for me,

my heart belongs to another.

I don't know

what is customary in France,

but here in America,

when someone offers

to share their food with you,

you don't demand money.

Food?

You gotta help me find her.

Something's gone wrong.

Find heryourself.

She's your hooker.

- I never wanted her.

- Fine, you ungrateful bastard.

I will find her,

but this time around,

you don't get to have sex with her

because she's mine now!

F***!

Booker, I'm so happy you didn't

make love to that call girl.

I'm saving my special gift

for you, Rachel. You know that.

Oh, Booker.

No, no, no.

There you are. Come here.

I gotta talk to you.

- What is it?

- Remember the package I got?

Don't worry about him. I think that's

Wang's foreign exchange student.

He doesn't speak

a word of English.

The package wasn't for me.

It was for some girl named Britney.

Britney? Britney Spears?

No. They must've put the package

in the wrong mailbox or something.

There was a purse in it

with a phone number.

I tried to return the purse

to some guy Lorenzo

who's a drug dealer or a con artist,

and he's upstairs in my room right now.

And there's a bunch of money

hidden in the bag.

- How much money are we talkin' about?

- There must be like $30,000.

Bad.

Bad, you know?

Is sour.

Did Newmar find you okay?

I need to talk to you.

I think there's been some mistake.

- What do you mean?

- Have you seen Adrienne?

- No.

- You! That's the prostitute Styles got!

- Styles McFee--that was his name.

- Who is this?

Wang's foreign exchange student.

She's from France.

You know what we should do?

Call the police.

Prostitution is very illegal.

They would arrest her and Styles.

So, you're from France?

There's this guy here--

Cliff, I think, is his name.

He's French and

doesn't speak a word of English.

We should introduce you.

We need to do

something about that whore.

If you don't see me in ten minutes,

call my room.

If I say,

"No, I can't make it to the party,"

then I need you

to help me get rid of him.

Okay.

Help! Need Wang.

What the f***!

I don't speak no English! French!

So long! Good bye.

Hi, Claire.

Remember--"No, I can't

make it to the party."

- You and I need to talk.

- I know.

We'll leave you two alone.

- Let's talk in here.

- Okay.

I'm not sure where he is.

There he is! Cliff!

I found you a friend!

Have anything

you'd like to confess?

You found out what I did?

This is gonna be good.

I want you to know

I am really sorry.

You're sorry? I hope you know this is not

something you can just apologize for.

You can't take this back.

- Are you really this mad?

- Shouldn't I be?

I realize it was kind of uncool

of me, but it's not that big a deal.

Are you kidding?

I shouldn't borrow things

without asking,

but I really needed it,

and I thought you'd say no.

- I only wanted it for one night.

- You call that borrowing?!

And of course I'd say no!

I don't care how bad

you needed it, you slut!

Excuse me?!

Who are you calling a slut?

Oh...you, slut!

Look at you. You want

everybody to know about it.

With Tony's shirt on.

Okay, I didn't ask

to borrow this, either, but...

Newmar spilled something on my shirt,

this guy was staring at my b*obs--

How many guys do you have

on the side, tramp?

Okay, I don't care

what the hell I did,

if you call me a slut or a tramp

one more time,

I'm gonna slap you

upside the head, b*tch.

You guys!

Come on, you two.

Don't be shy.

Menage a tois ever?

I'll leave you two alone.

Where the hell is everyone?!

So you don't speak

any English, do you?

- Hello?

- Hello.

- Yeah?

- Mona, it's me--Dominique.

- What's up?

- God, I'm in a fix.

I've been confused with a foreign

exchange student. They think I'm French.

They've got me in this room

with this weird French prick.

How did that happen?

They think the real foreign exchange

student is the working girl instead of me.

- Did your guy pay you?

- No, I never got the money.

I never found the guy

who ordered me.

- Where's Ted?

- What the--

Excuse me?

Let's get everything

out in the open.

You're not French, and I speak

American just fine, right?

This is so perfect.

You're like a pro, right?

Like, a hooker?

Just let me leave. I don't know

what you're after, but I don't do freebies.

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