National Lampoon Presents Dorm Daze Page #5

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What if I had

a proposition to make?

- How much you got?

- No. A different kind of proposition.

Like a partnership.

What if I said I knew

where we could get $30,000?

Okay.

Thanks.

So, I guess I'm gonna go back

to my room and finish getting ready.

- Wait, Foosball.

- Yeah?

Nothing.

Never mind.

I suck!

If there's a stack of money in this house,

and you know who has it,

why do you need a partner?

Why not keep it for yourself?

You're right. I don't need a partner.

What the hell was I thinking?

Psych!

No, no. Seriously.

The plan I have

needs two people.

One of them should be

a pretty girl.

Two--my friend lives here.

It puts me in a weird place.

But you--nobody knows

who you are.

So, what's the plan?

First we gotta write a note

to this girl Gerri.

That's it!

I'm too chicken to tell Foosball

that I like him to his face...

I'll just write him a love letter.

Why didn't I think of it before?

I'll write Adrienne

a romantic poem!

"l will not be happy until we can

be together. Yours truly, Adrienne."

What do you guys think?

It's missing something, right?

Perfume! Good idea, Oliver.

Where's that sample?

Claire's bag!

This'll get her off my back.

"...and like a rose in the sun,

so are you."

That's good stuff.

- What you got behind your back?

- My back?

Nothing.

Okay...what are you doing?

Going to the bathroom.

All right.

"Love...Newmar."

Thank God!

I'll go downstairs

and call her from that phone.

You go upstairs and get

that goon out of the room.

Also, remember to leave the note

so she can see it.

Here's what the note says--

"l know everything.

Decided to leave.

"Just give the bag

to my associate

who's waiting at the front

of your building."

Wait, are you sure your pimp's

not gonna look in the bag?

He's not my pimp, smart ass.

Sorry!

Are you okay?

Okay.

Shoot!

Where did it go?

Listen, some girl's gonna come

out here and give you a bag.

Hold on to it for me.

And don't look inside!

And, who knows,

if we do this job together,

maybe you and I can--

No attachments. I don't get

involved with people I work with.

And you never make

an exception?

- Hello?

- Hello. Gerri Farber?

- Yes?

- I have a package downstairs.

Could you please

come down here and get it?

- Okay.

- See you in a jiffy.

I'll be right back. There's a delivery

for Gerri Farber at the front door.

"Dearest, here is a poem

I've written for you.

"Your beauty fills...

Love, Newmar"?

Excuse me,

I foreign exchange student.

Could you help me

with something?

It only take a second,

okay? Yeah?

You should find somebody else.

But I need someone strong

to help carry something for me.

My back hurts when I bend down

to pick up things. See?

- Yeah, I see.

- Yeah.

- All right. Let's go. This way?

- This way. Okay.

For me?

"l know everything.

Decided to leave.

Give the bag to my associate who's

waiting at the front of your building."

Claire is insane about this bag.

- Hello?

- It's me. man. What's up. Pete?

Pete's not here, man.

Am I supposed

to give you the bag?

- I'm the guy.

- Well, here you go.

And I don't know who you are,

but you better tell that stupid b*tch

to stay out of my way!

...the girls in your dorm--

maybe they'd be up for it.

What are you talking about?!

I can look in the bag

if I want to.

I'm loving this color.

Super for you, dude, but I'm

not Pete, and I'm going. Bye.

Yeah!

Einstein, our plan worked, man!

I'm just good for genius.

Genius!

Here.

Look at time!

I have to go, okay?

But--but...

What the...

- Well?

- We did it! Oh, baby!

Don't spoil things.

Let's just get the bag.

Maybe you got it wrong, Einstein.

It's bullshit, man! There was

supposed to be money in that bag.

Ted, did you take anything

out of this bag?

No. I didn't even look inside.

- And a girl gave it to you?

- Yeah.

And she said to tell

that stupid b*tch to stay out of her way.

Stupid b*tch?

Maybe she's on to us and that's

a dummy bag, you know?

- Is there a problem?

- Shut up, Ted.

Look, we gotta go soon.

We got other appointments.

Didn't you hear me tell you

to shut up the first time?

Now get rid of this!

Nobody calls me a stupid b*tch.

We're getting that bag.

Just let it out!

Go for the eyes!

Focus!

- I don't think she wants to see you.

- Shut up!

- Claire, what the hell

is going on?

How could you cheat on me?!

Why do you listen to these two ho-bags?

I've never cheated on you!

I overheard you and Adrienne,

and then she admitted it to me!

- You got her pregnant!

- What?!

Oh! No! Look, that's a scene

for our acting class.

In the scene, I get her pregnant.

- You expect her to believe that?

- Suck my balls!

- Get a clue, loser!

- Wait.

Why would Adrienne admit it

to me if it was just a scene?

You must've confused her.

She's been hiding from you

because she lost your favorite purse.

What?! She stole

grandma's handbag?

Claire, I can prove to you

that we were just doing a scene.

Meet me in my room

in five minutes.

I'll find Adrienne

and I'll grab the script,

and this could all

be explained, all right?

Meet me in my room.

Five minutes.

You're not gonna go, are you?

Maybe I should hear

what he has to say.

I can't believe Adrienne

had sex with your boyfriend

and stole

your favorite handbag.

What a klepto-slut!

You look cute

when you're mad!

I've got a plan to get rid of this guy.

but I need you to keep this bag

for me until he's gone.

You're keeping the money?

- Doesn't it seem a little dangerous?

- I'm leaving tomorrow. anyway.

There's no way he can track me

all the way to San Francisco.

And he thinks the money

is mine. anyway.

Just hold on to this for dear life,

and I'll give you some for helping me.

- Sh*t, okay.

- Okay. Thanks.

This kind of looks like Claire's bag.

Where's the bag?

The bag? Isn't it here?

- Who was at the door?

- No one.

No one?

Well, that's interesting.

Because here's the thing--

while I was waiting for you to return,

I noticed that bag was missing,

and I got to thinking--

what if you really

are Gerri Farber and not Britney,

and now you're scamming me?

What are you talking about?

I am Britney.

And, you know, the bag

was here when I left.

You sent the package,

remember?

It's my money, so maybe I should

be asking you where the money is.

I really don't care

what you think right now,

because I know

I didn't take it!

And I know I sent it!

But what I don't know

is if you're who I sent it to.

Hey, it's me.

You've seen Britney before, right?

What does she look like?

When she's not

in disguise, idiot!

I guess you check out.

Sorry I doubted you.

It's fine. I can find the bag myself,

so why don't you just leave?

No.

You left the bag with me, and, clearly,

somebody called you out as a distraction.

I shouldn't have left the bag alone,

so this is my fault and I'm gonna fix it.

I think I knowwho took it.

I'll be right back.

Adrienne, open up!

Come on!

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