National Lampoon Presents Dorm Daze Page #7

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Come on.

We don't have much time.

Why the hell did you hit me?

And who's that guy?

No one. He thinks he's getting

half the money, but it's yours now.

I had to do that to get rid of him.

So, if you want it, get me that bag!

You're right.

This does look like Claire's purse.

- Where is she?

- I hope Tony didn't do anything to her.

B*tch!

Newmar, I need your help!

Yes, it's me.

I need you to hold on to this bag.

Don't let anyone take it,

no matter what they say.

-Do you have my glasses?

- Yeah.

Do you?

What? Where are we going?!

- I can't see!

- I'll come back!

Hurry!

Wow, that was fast.

This is so stupid.

I'm not gay!

I wrote that poem for you!

I love you!

Where did she go?

Pardon me, ladies,

have you seen--

- Have you seen a girl with a bag?

- Who the hell are you?

- Maybe she went back upstairs.

- All righty!

Something funny's going on here.

How did I get outside?

Finally got you horizontal,

you crazy b*tch!

I think I'll just be taking

my money back.

Holy balls!

Thank you.

Thanks again.

What are you doing?

Where's the bag?

What do you mean?

You came and grabbed it

and bashed me over the head with it!

I didn't! That wasn't me!

Well, clearly, this is a good reason

to give me my glasses!

What happened to you?

Help. I'm from France.

I'm an exchange student.

You don't say!

What'd you do that for?!

I can't have her saying that.

She'll blow my cover!

I thought you were

the foreign exchange student.

- I'm the hooker.

- So, you're the hooker!

Come on, we gotta hide her.

Hello!

- Can you help me?

- I doubt it.

No, wait! I...

I'm looking for a girl, and she has

a handbag, and I need to--

How many people

know about the frickin' bag?!

I don't know!

I gotta get the hell out of here.

- Do you have any rope?

- Why would I have rope?

I've got some bondage stuff

in my bag downstairs!

- Use your belt for now.

- I need my belt. These pants are huge.

Deal with it!

I'll only be gone for a second.

No.

Goddamnit.

- Got it?

- Yeah.

That was fast.

Come on in.

The prostitute?!

I can explain!

Just when l

was starting to believe you!

Wait! No, no, no!

You're staying here!

I forgot my bag.

Oh, Jesus! Tony!

- I could still explain.

- Where's my bag?

About your bag...

My grandmother

gave me that bag!

I hate you!

Claire, wait!

No, don't go anywhere.

Wait!

No!

Come on!

Open up!

Not again!

How ya doin'?

Call me.

Hi. Can I help you?

So, you're Styles McFee.

Who are you?

What if I said

I was the girl you ordered,

and that other girl's

a foreign exchange student?

That would explain some things.

I'll cut to the chase.

You've got my money. I'll let you

keep half if you help me get out of here.

Possession is 9/10

of the law, toots.

It's my money now.

You're gonna have to do better than half.

I think we

can work something out.

It's a lot of money.

Get the chair, b*tch.

See, now we're talking.

I'll gonna make you

a little deal, okay?

If the sex is really, really great,

I'll give you half the money.

Baby, when l

get done with you...

you'll give me all of it.

We'll see.

I'm done with you.

Oh, and look...

I got all of it.

That's not fair!

Okay, I can play fair.

- Fair enough.

- No!

Come on, Styles.

Reach out and touch it.

Oh, yeah. You can't.

Thanks for the good time, Styles.

No, stop! Come on.

I don't deserve this!

Help!

Someone help! Help!

Get over here!

Tony! Help me.

What happened to you?

There's no time to explain.

A whore stole my purse!

My girlfriend's purse.

But you gotta help me get it back.

Man, that two-timing--

Go get her. Tony!

Don't look in the purse. though!

Someone help!

Help!

Help!

Someone help!

I call the police.

They come!

Let me just explain, because I think

you might've misunderstood.

And...you look great.

You do.

This is gonna hurt you

more than it's gonna hurt us.

What?

Hey, man. We need to talk.

- Knock it off. It's about the money.

- What money?

Don't give me that.

I need the frickin' bag back!

The hooker screwed us both!

I knew she was too hot

to be trusted.

We gotta get her!

Where do you think you're going?!

Give me the purse.

I was looking for you, baby!

Both you babies.

Shut up!

You don't mind us keeping

this bag, then, right?

Hold her hands. I bet she's

got something hidden on her.

Yeah, you like that, right?

What's this?

This a vibrator or something?

Pepper spray.

You gonna spray me, huh?

- Let me go!

- What if I strip search her?

We should just let her loose, pervo.

We got the money.

I called the police.

You all go to jail!

I don't have time for this.

- She's getting away!

- Forget her. We got the bag!

- No. I got the bag.

- Hell, no!

We're gonna head down

to the student union now.

You'll find students studying,

having a snack--in their natural habitats.

- My bag?!

- I can explain.

That b*tch tricked us!

There's only a little money here!

- Come on. We gotta get out of here.

- It's about time.

- Give me the money!

- Ted.

That's not fair, man!

Pleasure doing business

with you boys.

- Man, that's my money.

- No! It's my money!

Our graduates include two

Nobel prize winners and 14 senators.

Our faculty is one of the most

prestigious in the entire country.

Tradition.

Studiousness. Dignity.

These words come to mind

when one thinks of this fine university.

So, here's an interesting bit of trivia.

Can anyone tell me which campus building

Eugene O'Neill died in? Anyone?

Hey, Pete.

One of the nice things

about this university

is that public beatings like this

rarely happen. Oh, God.

How does everyone know

about the bag?

I don't know.

Something weird's going on.

I think we're being set up.

You should pack some things.

Why?

Trust me.

What are we doing?

I'm looking for my bag.

Where is it?

Okay...we have to back

in the dorm.

Oh, no.

We're out of here.

Listen, you idiot,

you do what I say.

And I say we're going

back in the dorm!

Do you know someone

who lost a purse around here?

- You found it?

- Yeah.

Adrienne's been looking for it!

Here you go.

Well, thanks!

Everyone, this is not a representation

of how things work on this campus.

I'm giving 3 to 1 odds

on the ugly white guy.

- This is ridiculous.

- My money's on tattoo-boy!

Gambling is not allowed on campus.

Sir, gambling is not--

- What are the odds?

- Three to one.

I'm good for 20.

- Hold it.

- Yeah, right.

Out of my way, morons!

We're 10-97 making entry.

You live here?

Yeah, I'm the R.A.

What's going on?

We received a call saying there was some

kind of hostage situation at this address.

Reggie. I thought

you went home already.

Who called the police,

and why is there a Christmas tree?

- That's a fire hazard!

- Don't look at me.

- Grandmother's handbag.

- You should kick Tony in the balls.

- Totally! The police are here.

- Thank God.

Officers, you will be interested to know

that there is a prostitute in this dorm.

- A prostitute?

- That's her!

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