Neighbors Page #6

Get this one taken care of.

- Yeah?

- Right?

- Yeah?

- Right?

- Yeah.

- We're gonna get these guys.

- Yo.

- I've been waiting forever.

- Yeah, glad you made it.

- Whoa, whoa!

- What is she doing here?

- Wait. What is he doing here?

Look, we're friends

with both of you.

F***ing just learn

to deal with it, okay?

This is an abomination.

You... Right now, both of you

have to make a choice right now.

Me or her, choose.

It's up to you. You choose.

Shut the f*** up.

We're on a mission.

Yes, ma'am.

I was just kidding.

Yo.

You here to ask us to

turn the music down?

Because that's not gonna happen.

No, we're here to

tell you to turn it up.

Sh*t, homie, we've been

beefing for too long.

We just want to

squash this like a bug.

That's all my weed, and it's

really hard for me to get weed.

Oh, sh*t.

Okay, you guys can come in.

No 'shrooms for you, mister.

Don't worry about it, man.

All right.

(HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)

Okay, Teddy's f***ing Brooke,

but Brooke wants to f*** Pete.

But she's afraid because Pete

and Teddy are best friends.

We've gotta get Brooke

to hook up with Pete publicly.

Then Teddy is

gonna want to kill Pete

and the whole frat will implode.

Paula, flirt with Scoonie. Keep

him talking and distracted.

Okey-dokey.

Jimmy, isolate Whitney.

Okey-dokey.

What do I do? Do I

get to do something?

You're on Teddy patrol.

Keep him close.

He's gotta see them hooking up.

Otherwise, this plan won't work.

And remember,

once they start kissing,

we've only got a few minutes before

they go upstairs and start f***ing.

- Okay, let's do it.

- Okay?

- Let's go.

- Go team.

What? What?

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.

Cutting through.

What it is, y'all.

What's up?

What's this, a dance-off?

I don't know, b*tch.

Is it a dance-off?

- You tell me.

- I think it's a dance-off.

GARF ON SPEAKERS:

Oh, Sh*t!

Dance-off!

(ALL CHEERING)

Jesus Christ,

not another dance-off.

He likes them.

How about some shots, guys?

Okay, yeah!

Sure!

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

- Cheers.

- Here we go.

Cheers. Here we go.

- Another one!

- Another one!

One more, one more, one more.

- I can't.

- No.

I don't want to.

Oh, sh*t.

I think I'm drunk.

You guys are so cute together.

- No!

- No!

No. She's my...

- I'm with Teddy.

- She's with Teddy.

So you guys have never hooked up?

No!

You're blushing.

- No, I'm not.

- You are.

You guys have gotta relax.

Sh*t!

You're so cute.

You're like a little possum.

- Look at you.

- I'm a possum.

I'm a possum.

No...

No! No, no, no, okay? No!

Just a little taste,

a little taste.

That was sexy. Can I make

out with someone now?

What are you doing? We have 60

seconds before they go upstairs.

Get in the dance circle.

Okay, okay.

I'm winning, by the way.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(BROOKE MOANING)

- Hey, man.

- BOTH:
Oh, sh*t!

I think Teddy saw you.

What? No.

No, no, no. Sh*t. Sh*t.

Hey, what's up, man?

Hey, man.

What's up?

What's up? You good?

Yeah, I'm good, man.

How's it going?

- Everything's good.

- F***ing great party.

- Great party, right?

- Awesome party.

Yeah?

- Yeah, man.

- Yeah.

And we got a fight over here!

(PEOPLE CHATTERING EXCITEDLY)

- F***, are you okay, man? Dude, I'm so...

- (YELLS)

(SQUEAKS)

CROWD:
Oh!

Is that how people fight now?

What are they doing?

Let go, let go.

I'll never let go.

I'll hold onto your balls forever.

What are you thinking about?

Why are you so calm?

(SCREAMS)

What the f***? Ew!

So gross!

I never wanted to

have to use that on you!

What the f***, man?

It's a blessing and a curse!

Get the f*** out of here!

You're so gross!

(TEDDY CONTINUES SCREAMING)

God damn it.

Throw sh*t off the porch!

ALL:
(CHANTING) Throw sh*t off

the porch. Throw sh*t off the porch.

Let's throw sh*t

off the porch! Whoo!

- Yes!

- Come on, Delta Psi!

ALL:
Whoa!

(CROWD GASPING)

Holy f***.

Somebody call 911!

(GROANS)

He's still alive.

He's still alive!

ALL:
(CHANTING)

He's still alive.

Oh, sh*t.

We didn't kill anyone.

We didn't kill anyone.

PAULA:
Hey, guys!

What do you think

of my new necklace?

It's a choker.

(EXCLAIMING IN SHOCK)

I f***ing did it!

I totally did it.

We couldn't have

planned it better.

That was incredible!

We're celebrating.

F*** it.

I'll pump and dump.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

We f***ing did it.

- Baby.

- Yeah.

Baby, let's be spontaneous. Let's

go f*** on the kitchen floor.

- Yes!

- Come on.

- Let's do that sh*t. Whoo!

- Let's do it!

- Let's do something we've never done.

- Okay.

I don't know.

Hit me with something.

- Okay.

- Smack me.

Let's be crazy.

- Okay.

- Ow! F***!

F***! Hey! Sh*t, stop! Stop!

I don't like it, I don't like it!

- I like it.

- I don't like it, stop!

- This is turning me on.

- I don't like it.

- I like it.

- Don't do that!

- Sorry.

- It hurts.

- Okay.

- Okay.

Let's do something crazy.

Why don't I stick

something up your ass?

No, not tonight. Not tonight.

Can I stick something up your ass?

No, I'm not that drunk.

Oh, I'm gonna come soon.

Okay, I'm not even close.

- I'm gonna come.

- Come, baby.

- I'm coming.

- Are you close?

Come on.

And... I'm too drunk to come.

I'm not gonna come.

- It's gone mushy.

- Thank you, sire.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT) I will take the

gentleman's route out and call it a day,

for no ejaculation will be occurring

due to over-intoxication.

Thank you.

(IN NORMAL ACCENT)

That's how adults do it.

I love you, baby.

Baby, I love you.

We're a great team.

Baby, we're a hot team.

My b*obs really hurt.

I think I should probably pump.

My b*obs are feeling really full.

I like 'em like that.

I like 'em full, baby.

- We did it.

- We did it.

That's a beautiful thing.

Bros before hos, motherf***er.

That dude forgot the golden rule.

I feel like sh*t.

But I love it.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Oh, my b*obs.

Oh, God.

- I gotta feed Stella.

- Okay.

Is she awake?

I'm more milk than woman.

I gotta get this out of me.

Get it out of you.

Wait. Wait, wait, wait!

Wait. Wait, no! Wait!

Wait. Wait. Wait.

Whoa. Wait. Wait.

- No, no, no!

- What? What?

Don't slap my boob.

There's booze in your b*obs.

There's booze in your b*obs.

It's poison. It's alcohol.

There's alcohol in there.

It's like a White Russian.

Lay down, sweetie.

KELLY:
Oh, it f***ing hurts!

I need this milk out of me.

- Okay, we'll get that milk out.

- Get the pump. Ow!

Okay, I got it.

- F*** me!

- F***ing idiot!

- What are you doing?

- I'm sorry.

F***. Oh, no. Okay, relax.

I'm sorry. What the f***?

It broke.

I totally broke it.

I don't even know what

the f*** to do with this.

Oh, no.

Oh, sh*t!

Oh, they're Hulking out!

They're gonna blow.

What is happening to me?

Oh, gross! They look

like my grandma's legs.

Okay, let me call my mom. She'll

tell us what to do right now.

Do not call your mother!

Jesus! You Jews and

your f***ing mothers!

What do I do?

- Milk me.

- What?

You're gonna have to milk me.

- I don't want to milk you.

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