Neil Stryker and The Tyrant of Time Page #3

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payroll just lay the guys off.

We wanna give you

all the help we can.

If you need them, fine.

If you don't need them,

i don't give a fudge

what you do with 'em.

As long as you

don't get caught.

Good.

Because if I had to spend

all my time babysitting

a bunch of a**holes...

Beretta.

...i might not accomplish

a damn thing.

Okay, perfect.

So, everybody's waiting for you

in sector seven.

And please, stryker,

go easy on the guys, would ya?

It's the least I could do

considering these guys

probably won't survive.

Cartridge empty.

I assume there's

a mission report

you'll want me to read?

No mission report on this one.

Off the books, baby.

Technically,

you're on suspension.

Okay, so...

Stay out of the admiral's way,

because if you get caught

it's your ass...

...and mine.

I'll be careful.

What I need

from you right now...

...is a cup of coffee.

Not that crap

out of the vending machine.

The good coffee like captain

Gomez keeps in his office

under lock and key.

It's a secure office.

You're going

to have to sneak in.

- I can do that.

- Good.

Half a teaspoon

of unfiltered honey.

Stirred left. No cream.

Hop to it!

Yes, sir!

Oh, man!

Johnson!

- Yes, sir?

- Come here.

- Yes, sir!

Stand here like an idiot.

That's an order.

Yes, sir!

Stryker!

Just what do you th--

admiral...

Sir!

It is an honor.

Clean out your desk.

You're fired.

Hold it, soldier.

Lose the glasses

you look like an idiot.

Man, f*** you.

Ham-sandwich-eatin'

mother f***er.

So, your telling me

some madman

is responsible for

causing all this havoc?

I'm telling you

a mad scientist and his Minion

just laid waste to the city.

Worse than this.

He is like lovechild

of Stalin and Hitler.

Yeah, and it can

get messy in there.

There's wolves, mines,

booby traps, barbed wire.

You might want

to cut that hair.

I can help you with that.

I could probably use a trim

good afternoon, gentlemen.

I'm going to get

straight to the point.

This is a suicide mission.

If it were up to me,

you boys wouldn't even be here.

But it's not.

The admiral knows

nothing about it.

We have no support

from headquarters.

Once we leave,

communication is severed

and we're on our own.

Back out now.

It's your last chance.

Lieutenant.

You heard the captain,

rank and file.

Last one to stryker's ship

is a rusty trombone.

Wait.

What's a rusty trombone?

You know,

when you're eating a guys' ass

and you're jerking

him off at the same time?

No. No, f***ing way.

I'm outta here.

Wait!

What is rusty trombone?

So you managed

to weasel your way

on the mission, after all.

You must have

a thing for dying.

Maybe so...

But at least I'm not

a rusty trombone!

Uh, rook to king three.

That's checkmate.

At last, you've arrived.

Shall we be off, then?

I don't know how,

but you cheated.

Yes, he's cheating.

Rook cannot move in this way.

Yes it can.

Pretty slow, Veronica.

Forget rusty trombone,

you just made rusty orchestra.

Boys, prepare to take off.

You, I need a co-pilot.

Get up front.

Try not to crash it.

Keep an eye on her, would you?

Yes, sir.

What is this?

The time had come for this

lion cub to shed his mane.

Plus, I think there

might be some barbed wire.

Continue.

Captain.

We are approaching destination.

Alright.

Give us some room to breathe.

Set us down right over there.

Yes, sir.

Hey.

Forgettin' somethin'?

It's time to gather the flock.

Thank the almighty.

Remember... there ain't no

atheists in the foxhole.

Hold my hand.

- What?

J.C., the big guy,

the lamb of god,

you know he died

for our sins on the cross.

Hold my hand.

Let go my hand!

The only sin was not

using that timber for firewood.

No fall in line, a**hole.

You two!

Cut that sh*t.

Go.

You stepped on my

toe back there, but it's cool.

Ring the bell.

Just as I suspect.

No one home.

It is in complete abandon.

We must not abort mission.

We have lost battle, sir.

But not war.

Did you try the door knob?

It is not possible.

Idiot.

The only thing missing

here is Santa claus.

Santa!

Santa!

Ho! Ho! Ho!

Merry Christmas,

my darlings!

Who's been naughty?

Who's been nice?

Me! Me Santa! Me!

Well, which is it?

Nice! Nice!

Ha ha!

Just what I thought.

Brenner stop!

It's a trap.

- Trap?

Nonsense.

It's not a trap...

It's retail.

No way.

We have all sizes.

Darrel! Don't do that!

Where the hell

did you come from?

Well, he's got the shirts, guys.

Stryker, you remember

operation omega.

Well, it went Nova, okay?

Supernova!

I went back in time,

last year's Christmas Eve

and burgled every

Christmas present on the planet

and replaced it with...

This t-shirt.

Long story short,

I'm backed ordered for weeks.

Whoa! They're huge!

How do you think i

bankrolled this whole fortress?

Seriously, I hardly have time

for new designs.

Check out this new model.

Also very popular.

I'll take one of those.

Anyway, stryker, the point is...

Clark, the prisoner.

I'm on to something here.

What do you say?

Partners?

Hey.

Come on!

Come on!

Hey.

One second.

Grab hold.

Come on! Come on!

You're making a big mistake.

You built another time portal.

Looks like you made it

to the north pole.

That's right. I did.

And to top it all off...

I murdered Mrs. claus.

Waste him.

Ah!

Ah!

Hold it!

Wait! No!

Uh.

You got me, stryker.

You got me.

It looks like...

Losers!

Hologram.

Obviously.

Little disappointed

in you, stryker.

Apparently taking you a**holes

down is going to be...

...easier than I thought.

Let the games begin.

Oh! Yes, that's right!

I too am a hologram.

No sense wasting

your bullets on me.

I'm not even here.

Where's that blasted key!

Sh*t!

Hold your fire.

Captain!

Who was that handsome man?

Clark, don't get distracted.

Captain, it's completely

hollow behind this fireplace.

Huh.

I wonder.

All right. Everybody in.

Hey!

Take off those goddamn t-shirts.

So, how many missions

you been on with this guy?

Who? The captain?

- Yeah.

- Plenty, why?

- No reason.

Looks like I'm going to have to

smash through these boards.

Unless captain has a

crowbar in his pants.

Do you?

Have a crowbar in your pants?

I can't feel my legs!

This must be the disintegrator

I ordered to obliterate stryker.

Disinte-what?

My god. It's enormous!

The only thing

you'll be obliterating

with this thing is my wallet!

I mean look at

the size of this thing!

How much was it?

What are you trying to do?

Bury stryker or bankrupt me?

What about my

exploding pumpkins, Darrell?

I wanted exploding pumpkins

littering the entire castle.

I look around me,

and I don't even see a squash.

Your little parlor tricks

aren't going to stop stryker.

And I suppose you

have a better idea.

Um...

Suffocate him.

I don't know.

Suck all the oxygen

out of the room or something.

Would you leave

the thinking to us, please?

Thank you.

It's brilliant.

Mark my words...

I will destroy Neil stryker.

I'll boil him in a

bowl of his own broth.

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