Never Say Die Page #6

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but his ma and pa ?

? Hope that he will

grow to be ?

? Tra la la ?

? Oompah-pah ?

? Hope that he will

grow to be ?

? A great big oompah-pah ??

Stop it, now.

Stop it.

?? [Yodeling]

?? [Resumes]

Yahoo! Yippee!

[Shouts Continue]

Just stop it!

Stop it! Stop it.

?? [Discordant Notes]

Oh. 'Scuze, please.

Mr. Kidley, what do you mean

by traipsing around with my girl

past 1:
00 in the morning?

Oh, we never had such

a time, Henry. We went

to a cheese festival.

Yeah, we had wine

and cheese.

And singing.

Cheese festival?

Well, that ain't cheese,

Mr. Kidley.

Oh. Oh, that.

You see, we stopped...

Oh, yeah, Henry.

We stopped and just now...

when I was singin' the song

I gave him a little, uh...

l... Well, you were

right there.

I mean, l-l...

Now, Mickey, hush.

I've heard enough.

Now, you run right along

upstairs to bed.

Mickey. Mickey.

But l...

But l...

Henry, you can't order

your wife around like that.

Oh, I can't, huh?

Well, she ain't my wife,

she's your wife.

Y... Oh, yeah!

Say, thanks

for reminding me.

Mickey, go to bed.

Oh. Mickey...

Heh!

Good night, boys.

Good night.

Good night, Mickey.

Well, I guess that's all, men.

Here you are. Thanks.

We'll get Mrs. Kidley

and do it again sometime.

[Band Members] Okay.

Oh, no, you won't.

Now that she's gone

I wanna tell you...

you're mighty fortunate

I just don't tear you to pieces.

Why, Henry.

And with my bare hands.

?? [Dramatic Sting]

'Scuze, please,

she must close.

Well, close it.

Now, wait a minute.

I was just going...

Listen to me. As long as

you're in Ingleborg, you're not

gettin' out of my sight again.

No, sir.

Not for two seconds.

?? [Sting]

?? [Continues]

[Snoring]

[Snoring]

[Clicking]

- Hey, where do you

think you're goin'?

- Oh, l...

[Chuckles]

Drink. I was gonna

get some water. I was...

Well, you've been up for water

every two minutes.

Well, I'll tell you truth.

I wanna see Mickey.

I've got somethin'

to tell her. A man can talk

to his own wife, can't he?

- No!

- I know what's the matter

with you. You don't trust me.

You're darn tootin' I don't.

Now, I don't want

any trouble with you.

You get back here in bed.

[Groans]

You and your

old whittlin's.

I'd rather sleep

with a cracker eater.

It's not comfortable.

Oh.

Oh, now, wait a minute.

Just a second. I have a little

something to say about this.

L...

What are you doin'?

There.

That'll fix that.

Oh, Henry,

this is so unjust.

Not so tight.

Leave a little blood

in there.

There.

My circulation is practically

at a standstill now.

[Grunts]

Now hush.

Ooh!

Ohh!

[Quack-like Snoring]

[Quacking]

[Snoring Continues]

[Furious Quacking]

[Nervous Chuckle]

Good night.

Good night.

I'm gonna put my foot

on top of yours...

and don't you move once

the rest of the night.

[Cuckooing]

[Snoring]

[Whispering]

Hello. Hey, Julius.

Would you like

to make five bucks?

Fifty samelkas?

Well, what do

I have to do for...

Shh, shh!

Take off your shoe.

I wanna use your foot.

My feet?

Shh. Foot. Come on.

[Duck-like Snoring

Continues]

Honey?

You're not asleep, are ya?

[Quiet Gasp]

Honey?

I've gotta talk to ya.

Maybe I've got no right,

but after tonight, well...

no matter who gets hurt,

we've gotta face it:

We belong to each other.

Honey, please talk to me.

You see, Mickey, l...

Gee, you look tired.

I gue...

Listen, Mama...

Mr. Kidley!

Please!

Well l... I gue...

I was... And...

[Nervous Chuckle]

I was...

Ye...

Wrong room, I guess.

[Shuffling, Thudding]

[Horn Honking]

You...

[Overlapping Arguments]

Quiet! Quiet! Quiet!

Now, you all got to stop

pickin' on Mr. Kidley.

It's like he's been tryin'

to tell ya, he's sittin'

here digestin' himself.

And if you don't stop

screamin' at him, it's

liable to happen right here...

and then

you'll be sorry.

I don't care!

I don't care

if he's digesting

his entire family!

I am insulted!

I am the one

that is being squeezed.

Right under my nose,

on my own wedding day...

she marries this gentleman

in the red pajamas.

Then when he goes pfft,

she marries this gentleman

in the striped pajamas.

And where am I?

I am standing around

with egg on my face!

And if he has egg on his face,

somebody's tossed

a whole omelette on mine.

I don't like it.

Oh, but Mr. Kidley

doesn't love you.

Look what he did:

Rather than marry you,

he married me.

Yeah, that's the part of this

whole thing that burns me up.

Mr. Kidley, what I wanna know

is what're you gonna do about

this mess you got us into?

Yeah!

Well, it's all

very simple.

You're all taken care of

in my will.

How so?

Henry, I'm not gonna waste a lot

of time telling you how much

I admire you, because I don't.

But I'm gonna leave you

enough money to choke a horse,

and I hope it does choke ya.

[Dinnerware Clanks]

Mr. Kidley, I resent that!

We are now where we started,

still with egg over my face.

I know.

I'm wiping that off

in paragraph three.

Marriage with you is

a business proposition,

and I've ruined your business.

So I'm prepared to marry you.

I mean, [Chuckles]

Pay you off in full.

Mr. Kidley, Prince Alexis

Cassandro Michael Smirnov

thanks you.

I do not wish to talk like

a peasant, but there is

something that I must know.

Tell me, how soon do you

expect to go pfft?

Poor Mr. Kidley's only 18

days left. Haven't you,

poor Mr. Kidley?

Yes, any time now.

It's...

Good.

Good.

What do you mean,

"good"?

There's a little thing known

as breach of promise. You won't

mind if I send my lawyers?

That won't be necessary.

I've taken care of that

in paragraph six.

You go out and buy yourself

a nice solid-gold

shooting gallery.

Oh, John!

I'm sentimentally touched.

I'll see that they put flowers

on you every Father's Day.

[Chuckling] Yes, l...

She probably gets 'em

wholesale.

What I want to know is...

Shut up, Henry. Mr. Kidley,

I guess this just about

takes care of everything.

Yes.

Folks, let's get out of here and

leave the honeymooners alone.

Come on, Henry.

Well, I'm one

of the honeymooners!

Oh, shut up

and get outta here!

All of my clothes are...

Oh.

Mr. Kidley... you have

promised me to die.

I am warning you that

I will be around personally

to see that you do it.

[Weak Chuckle]

[Clicks Heels]

Henry...

I may call you Henry,

mayn't I?

Yes, ma'am, and I'll

call you Mrs. Marko.

Well, Henry,

when Mr. Kidley...

I mean, when it happens,

you'll come into quite a

tidy sum, won't you, Henry?

Mm... Yes, ma'am,

I guess I will.

Dear Henry,

I want you and Mrs. Kidley

to be very happy.

If things don't work out,

it may make it easier

for you to know...

that there'll always be

someone waiting for you.

There will?

Oh.

You're a very

attractive man, Henry.

I mustn't say any more

than that right now.

Well, you're kind of pretty

yourself, Mrs. Marko.

[Chuckles]

That's sweet of you.

Henry, if you don't mind

my suggesting it,

I could have my lawyers...

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