Newlyweeds Page #3

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whole Goddamn apartment.

You should have dealt with that.

Well, you should have paid--

It's blood money!

You yelling at me

ain't gon' help.

Help! Somebody help me!

Ah, sh*t. Let's get

the f*** out of here, man.

Sh*t.

And you see them coming here

like that? You see that?

Come on, man. Stop that.

Excuse me.

I'll have my son come in here

with a cutlass

and mash you up, now.

He'll mash you up!

Is there no better thing

for you to do?

Come back with my Frigidaire.

Ah, full of tricks, this one.

Yeah, I get off probation

on Friday.

I'm going to smoke

my f***ing tits off.

I'll smoke your

f***ing tits off.

I'll smoke

your grandma's tits off...

Yeah.

Your cousin's tits...

Your whole family,

bunch of tits, like this.

They take my f***ing Frigidaire!

Yo, go.

Go where?

Go.

Hold up!

Hey, hey, hey. Why you taking

my grandmother's fridge?

You see? He's a man. Talk. Talk.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Stop banging the car!

Okay, well, can we work out

a payment plan?

Look, I'll put some

on it right now.

Grandma.

You talk to me like I nothing.

Tell her cool out.

Let's see what we got here.

Can I see that?

You talking to me

like I was a dog.

Hey, hey, can I see that?

Talk to him!

Hold on, Grandma.

Can I see that?

They lying to you.

Come on now.

Don't disrespect me, man.

Oh, f*** him.

Look. I'll put some on it

right now.

Yeah.

Yo, she sprayed me in the eyes

with oven cleaner, man.

Grandma!

I didn't spray him!

Grandma.

Yo, keep her cool.

I'm sorry, bro.

Look. I'm just trying to

work this thing out, all right?

Let's just go.

Yo, just cool out, man.

We got to come back here.

Look.

$15 a week.

Yeah, I see ripping off

old ladies now, huh?

Go, go, go, go, go!

You ruined my sister's baby

shower, nigga! I'm-a kill you!

Ooh! Grandma, remember Niecy's

baby shower?

Yes!

That's that n*gger!

Oh my God!

That's him.

Hey. Hey, you all right, bro?

I hate this f***ing job.

Ow, man!

That's why I was learning

kathakali. You know kathakali?

Yeah.

The head moves all...

Just running back to the hotel!

That's how it start--

Baby?

Oh. Ni hao.

Oh my God. Baby, what happened?

Nothing.

Chico, this is

my boyfriend Lyle.

Chico works at

the museum with me.

Technically, I'm the

Ethnic Artefacts Curator.

So, I'm always travelling.

What happened?

I was just moving a refrigerator

and hit me, you know.

Let me get you some ice.

Mali...

Oh.

Isn't it awesome? Walrus tusk.

Tell him where you found it.

Mmm-mmm-mmm. No, it's boring.

He doesn't want to hear that.

Baby, try it.

No. Yes, yes, yes,

yes, yes, yes, yes.

Oh, this buddy of mine,

this little Inuit dude,

he was, like, 4' tall.

He wrestles an elk.

It's cash.

Oh, wait. Hold on one second.

Sh*t.

F*** me. I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's all right, man.

Thanks though.

No problem, buddy.

Ah!

Let me get something.

Sorry about that.

Yo, I'm-a go ahead

and twist something up.

Okay, all right.

Oh, sh*t. You know what?

You're an artist.

Look at that, man. You've turned

into, like, this Aztec print.

Look at that.

I could rock this out.

Yo. Two for Three. Leave it.

Hey, hey, man. It's me, Lyle.

Give me a call

when you get this.

A bear. We were so out

of Juno Alaska that night.

We were so out of Alaska.

Out.

The planetarium is having

its Spring Equinox Festival

this Friday.

I've got some extra passes

if you and, uhh,

the African Prince--

F***!

Excuse me.

What happened?

Please don't... Just, please.

Why don't you just

call Two for Three?

What you think I just did?

Oh, oh. Now you want to call?

Why you ain't call him when

you finished the f***ing bag?

It was almost 1/8 in there

this morning, Nina!

Okay, we can get some more.

"What about the Galapagos?"

"How are we gon' get

to the Galapagos?"

I don't want to go anywhere

with you anymore anyway.

Yeah, whatever.

Hey, Nina. I'm so sorry.

I've got to go.

I've got a dinner thing with

some friends from Kazakhstan.

So, uhh--

Do you have any more hash?

Uhh, no. But I do have some

tobacco. You could mix it in--

Yo, you get the f***

out of here, man!

Lyle!

I'm sorry. Everything cool?

All right, I'll be--

I'm sorry.

No!

I ain't thinking about

that nigga.

I'm sorry.

You handle your business now.

I'll see you at work, all right?

Nice to meet you, Lyle.

Yo, get the f*** out!

Are you crazy? I work with him.

Yeah? F*** you getting high

with him for then?

What's wrong with you?

Man.

What...

Can you just please talk to me

and tell me what happened?

Please?

Fine.

Yo, yo, big man. What's goody?

What's goody?

Yo, let me get a dub, homie.

All right, let me just get

two dimes then.

Yo, son, you don't remember me,

son?

I used to cop from Scooby back

in the day, yo. Remember Scooby?

Yeah.

Yo, I ain't no f***ing cop.

I'm just trying to get high,

son.

I know you can understand that,

right?

I'm high off life, Officer.

Wow. Yo.

Stay in school, shortie.

Eat a dick.

All right, good evening, ladies.

Have a bless night.

Hail Selassie, Jah.

That's your daughter?

Well, I'm your son.

I love woman, yes.

Yo, you got that?

Ya' can't see I'm

talking--?

Move your bumbaclot from me,

boss man!

Whoa. I got cash. I got cash.

Ya' can't see I'm talking

to someone?

I just want to get a dub.

Now listen. Ya' can't see

I'm talking to someone else?

You right.

Move your pussyclot

from front me, boss man.

All right, all right,

all right.

You gon' have real problem

tonight. You get cuff up.

Some salt and vinegar. Word.

Yo, yo, throw some pickle

horseradish on that too, man.

Know what I'm saying?

Yo, and an egg,

throw an egg on my sh*t, man.

Let me get a--

Three Backwoods.

Yo, don't forget

that spice ham, huh?

Yo.

Not here.

Across the street.

Meet me on Sumner.

I'm not going to keep

calling you. And you know what?

When you get here,

I'm not going to be here either.

Like, I'm so over this.

What you need?

Yo, let me get a dub, yo.

Stay here.

Yo, I don't know about that, yo.

Aight, aight, aight, man.

Sh*t.

Yo,.

I love you, dog.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

F*** is wrong with you? What the

f*** is that? I wanted weed.

Oh, you wanted weed?

Yes, I want weed.

What you think?

I look like

a f***ing crackhead to you?

No disrespect, papi, but your

lips is white and ashy.

That's doughnut powder, son.

You got some real crackhead

sh*t about you, you know?

Some real crack sh*t.

I was saying

"Who's that crack ninja

Man, yo, whatever, man. You got

weed? Let me get weed, man.

Not for sale, papi. Sorry.

Yo, come on, son. I'll pay you

twice what you pay for it, man!

Got to get high, bro.

F***!

My $20, my $20. Yo! My $20!

Yo, shut up!

My $20!

Yo, yo, come here.

Yo, come here, son!

No refund, buddy.

Yo, f*** you! Come here!

Give me the f***ing money!

Give me the f***ing money!

Hey! Hey!

Got him.

Sumner Avenue, black male.

Ha ha! Stupid!

Hey, I'm online over there.

Yo, you, fancy.

Yo, you with the

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