Noobz Page #3

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I'll give you half

my prize money.

I'm broke and you know it.

You have to pay for gas,

for food, hotels,

possibly Oliver's stuff.

Dude, you have to pay for it.

You got the job.

Yeah! We going

to Los Angeles! We are

gonna win this thing, bro!

[scatting]

Give me one right here, bro!

Give me one right here, bro!

Give me one right here, bro!

Give me one right here, bro!

All right.

All right, before we go,

remember, there's

only three days

until the Cyber Bowl

championships, right here

in Los Angeles.

And I gotta be honest,

from what I've seen,

this is shaping up to be

the biggest one ever.

There's competitors from all

over the globe. Like Singapore,

Canada, and they're all

coming here to compete

for a $400,000 prize.

And it's in a lot of

different games,

including Gears of War III.

But if that's not your speed,

you can go play one of the

coin-operated games.

Exercise your finger.

Now, who's gonna win

that big money prize?

There's only one way to find

out. You gotta tune in to

Exploited TV. I'm Adam Sessler.

- You're serious about this?

- You're damn right I'm serious.

[inhales, coughs]

- This is my comeback.

- OK, Greg, didn't we

talk about this?

Things have changed.

It's not 1984 anymore, bro.

This is a gift, man!

A second chance!

Coin-operated

tournaments are back?

I'm gonna get to settle

an old score, you know

what I'm saying?

- Frogger?

- Frogger!

Yeah! It's eluded me

all these years!

OK, Greg, I really think

you need to let this one go.

It's all about

online gaming these days.

Nobody plays coin-operated

games anymore.

They're dinosaurs!

- Dude, you are

the snowball king...

- Snow globe!

Whatever!

You're the king of LA!

The point is you're rich!

Blind rich!

Snort coke off a tit rich!

You don't owe anyone anything.

You know what?

Greg is dead, man.

- Armagreggon.

- Oh, boy.

Armagreggon is back!

And guess what?

I'm gonna show the world

that I'm the ultimate

gamer champion! Yeah, bro!

- Yeah!

- By killing your tree?

I gotta tell ya,

I think this is a mistake.

The last time you tried this,

and you failed,

your entire business almost

went down the drain.

Now, look. These console gamers,

they're playing for hundreds

of thousands of dollars.

Greg, your tourney pays, what?

A grand, maybe?

You are a

small-minded man, Jeff.

- You're thinking

only about money?

- I'm your business manager!

- It's my job!

- OK, but let me just tell you

something, it's about pride too!

Pride is sac, bro.

Don't look at my junk because

I'm a grower, not a shower.

But listen! What I'm trying

to tell you right now, man,

it's pride that gives the

competitive spirit its edge.

- Really?

- Yeah.

Pride didn't pay for a pool.

- [rock music plays]

- Pride didn't pay for a TV

on an antique table

by a pool!

Really?! All this money,

you have a cassette player?!

OK, well, you know what?

I don't think

this is a good idea.

As your manger, I'm going

on record saying that.

But you're gonna do

what you're gonna do.

Godspeed!

OK, you know what? Seriously!

- [shuts off music]

- What is all this?

What the hell are

you doing, Greg?

It's Armagreggon!

I told you Greg is no more.

Yeah! You know something?

I am gonna get in shape

for this tournament.

You need to have

the ultimate forearm strength

to play the way I play,

not like those little kids

and their little consoles

and their little stupid thumbs

where it doesn't take any...

any strength,

doesn't take any fortitude,

doesn't take any skill,

it's just...

[growls] I'm gonna show the

world how it's done, bro.

Don't you throw

a Shake Weight at me.

What the hell's that for?

Juicing, baby! Juicing!

Hey, turn my tunes

back on, please?

Come on! Come on, man.

Be a friend.

This is really important to me.

This is more important...

- [rock music plays]

- Good luck, Armagreggon!

- Yeah, baby.

- May the frogs be with you.

I like that.

[laughs]

You're a... Oh, man.

[Greg panting]

Yes, yes. We leave and we leave

early morning tomorrow.

- I'm so excited.

- Well, congratulations.

I'm really happy for you.

I know you guys have been

wanting to do this

for a long time.

Mm. I can't wait

to see you in LA.

Me, too. Maybe I can actually

make it through a couple rounds

with my girls.

Ah, come on, I feel like you

guys are gonna shock quite

a few people.

That's very sweet, but we

can't even compete with you.

Maybe you don't have to compete.

Maybe you can come back

to the Reign Clan.

Yeah. I wish I'd never left,

but, um, my girls need me now.

Plus, playing with

RumPull4Skinz gave me

panic attacks.

- [chuckles] I know, yes.

- Maybe if you make it here

in one piece, we can finally go

on that date we've talked

about for a couple of years.

[laughs]

I'm just kidding.

All right, Ricki,

you have a good night,

baby girl.

Sweet dreams, Andy.

See you in a few days.

[video game sound effects]

- [hip-hop plays]

- Yeah! Whoa! Yes!

Are you ready for the best

weekend of our lives, boy?!

Are you kidding me?

Man, come on.

Who's gonna have

a good, widdle time?

Cody's gonna have

a good, widdle time.

Oh, yes, he is.

Yes, he is!

If you do that again

at any time on this trip,

I'm turning us around.

Bro! You should be excited, man,

all right?

We're about to go to the

biggest, baddest, bestest

tournament in the world.

And we have a good chance

of winning.

- [car starts]

- Don't get your hopes up.

[Andy] I'm telling you,

we can do this!

- [electronic music plays]

- [Cody] What is that?

- [Andy] What is what?

- Those, man.

Um, what do you think

they are, bro?

Dude, really? You're gonna drive

across the country with flowers

in the car?

- Water, vase, come on, man.

- Dude, I got a sweet deal

from that hot chick at the kiosk

in the mall. I had to get 'em.

- Wow!

- What a deal, bro.

- Sounds like a good one.

- You know what I'm saying?

You don't mind if I

take a smell, do you?

- Oh, no, go for it, bro.

- Thank you.

- Like heaven, yes?

- Oh! Andy, those...

- Those are nice.

- You know what I'm saying,

dude?

- What are you doing, man?!

- You could just

buy 'em when we get there.

No, Los Angeles is a desert,

bro. They don't have flowers.

You are my wizard sleeve

You must say pretty please

I'm down on my knees

Give it a rub and a squeeze

- Say it

- [Andy] We're never gonna find

flowers in LA.

[Cody] Would you shut up

about your flowers?

You sound like Oliver.

- Damn! You look good.

- [car honking]

I would... I would do you.

No, I wouldn't.

- Yes, I would. You sexy SOB.

- [honking]

Oh! Oh... Oh...

OK, so this is who

you're gonna be

this whole entire trip?

Captain D*ckhead?

Come on, man.

We're friends.

Please tell me you remember

what that term means.

I'm sorry, bro, but I'm

getting divorced. You know?

Divorced? It doesn't make you

happy, I can't be all like,

"Oh, man, everything's cool!"

I'm sorry, man. It must

be eating you up inside.

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